Twisted Perfection ~ Everlark

Empty minds.

Peeta's pov:
The machine whirls around me. It does a lot. I lay still as they instruct me. When it reaches my head, the sound becomes louder and more apparent.
I try to relax for moment so I think of things that relax me; Katniss. I imagine her wavy brown hair snuck into a neat braid with those gray eyes that captivate me on a daily basis. I try to picture her face, but it's been nearly 3 months since I saw her. When I close my eyes, I see her. When I open my eyes, I miss her. Oh, what I would do for one of our hugs right now.

The doctors here aren't giving much away to me. I know that I'm not improving, because I don't feel any better. Although I haven't had any major episodes, the medicine they're experimenting with me isn't helping. It gives me these splitting headaches that pierce my head and all I can do Is lay down.

I remember a time when if I had a headache, all I could do was to lay in my cell. Struggling. Johanna would often give me her food and water, because she knew that she had nothing to go back for, but she knew that I still had people who loved me. Fortunately, she survived, but only just. 

They think they can mend me here. If they do, I suppose it's for the benefit of their bank accounts or their ego. But, I know that I am damaged beyond repair.

There are days my head just doesn't work. I try so hard to focus and it's like trying to run through water. My brain fogs up and thoughts go nowhere at all. Sometimes I think its natures anaesthesia, anything to numb the pain, to wipe out the trauma. Then there are the times of clarity, sudden moments when I can see every detail and feel every feeling. The trigger can be something like sports on TV, a turn of phrase, a smell. At the start I hoped it was a process to wipe out the bad memories, to stop me reliving them to well meaning askers. Now I know it's not so simple. It provides some protection, but the price is the flashbacks and the times of confusion; the stronger the blocks become the more intense the flashbacks are - as if the neurones are fighting for their lives, anything not to wither away.

Yet, as my brother said one day on his bike with me riding mine beside him, with the countryside flying by, "There will be a future, there will be a future." And so that keeps me living, breathing, loving. I walk, each day another step onward, always hoping to arrive in that future, in a meadow for our souls, at peace. I know that one day me and Katniss will be sitting in a meadow that isn't a graveyard. Where the grass grows thicker and the flowers flourish stronger.

My thoughts are intervened, when someone comes through the door and helps me from the machine. A tall woman in a white coat, with blonde hair and a pale complexion, speaks to me.

"Peeta," She says. Well, I think, that got informal all of sudden. Usually it's Mr Mellark. It's probably bad news.

"Lets get you back to your room and then we'll discuss what's going on." She says in her Capitol accent.

I follow her down numerous corridors until I hit the entrance to my own room. We walk through and I sit on my bed. The woman smiles at me gingerly.

"So, what's the matter?" I ask.

"The results from your CT scan show us that your brain still contains pockets of venom. Because you're...situation we'll call it, is so rare, it's impossible there's ever going to be cure for it whether it be via pills or some form of intense medicine. However, we can help ease the pain of the flashbacks and help you to recover from them after one. This is most likely through therapy." The blonde lady says.

"Ok, so when can I go home?" I ask impatiently.

"Well, we want to experiment with the therapy, and If it works , it could only be a matter of weeks until you go back home," She says.

"But if it doesn't work?" I ask her.

She pauses and takes a deep breath.

"We'll still send you home anyways, but you need someone to supervise you. We thought," she says before I cut her off.

"Katniss. Katniss can look after me" I say. Isn't it obvious?

"Peeta, we would deem that unsuitable in your situation. You're here in the Capitol, because you attacked Miss Everdeen. You need to stay away from,"

"NO! You're the reason I'm here! You're people hijacked me! YOU DID THIS TO ME!" I shouted furiously at her.

"Mr Mellark, I'm going to need you to calm down." She said in her most calmest manor.

I take a deep breath, trying to reel my anger in.

"I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated with everything." I say.

"It's ok. I'm going to bring a you sedative to help you calm down and to sleep." She says, leaving the room, giving me no choice but to accept her demand.

She comes back in a few moments later with a cup of water and two round pills that are clear with some sort of liquid in them.

She smiles at me gingerly, waiting for me to take them.

I take the pills and soon find myself collapsing onto the bed and falling into a long sleep.