Twisted Perfection ~ Everlark

Balconies.

I reposted this chapter with a few edits but nothing major (just took some things out)
Katniss' PoV:
Standing outside my bedroom on my small balcony, I feel the autumn night breeze whip around my hair and nightshirt, making me long for something that makes me feel warm. But a bed blanket does not suffice that need. It's at night time when all my frustration, anger, sorrow, sadness, pity and remorse gets spilled out. Not necessarily by crying or screaming, but in my nightmares. It's a selfish release, though not by me. My nightmares make me lose control of all the emotions I cling onto, hoping I don't explode them in broad daylight in front of strangers. I suppose the darkness intensifies the fear, making me appear more weak than I am. My nightmares are more of a night terror, because it feels as if I might die from the pain in my brain. They're usually about when I lost Prim. Riddle me this.  How can I call it a nightmare, if it doesn't leave my presence when I awake?

Relief doesn't come natural to me. I can't just take deep breaths. The relief is a warm body sat in bed hugging me. Peeta's hugs are not too affectionate. Not too confident. They are just right. Just enough to warm me up and rid me of all the horrible thoughts my sleep has bought. Most nights it's like that. But only some nights, I will awake, not screaming so I don't wake him up, but then gently cry myself back to sleep or just cry away from his sleeping body. Tonight is one of those nights. I don't have the energy to realise it.

I find the darkness strange. Living in a quaint collection of houses I had grown used to having the warming, orange glow of streetlamps outside my window, their light filtering in through the gaps in the curtains. This is a blackness that I can't recall seeing before - one that was almost absolute.

I come back into the bedroom, to see Peeta gently asleep. He doesn't just breathe as he twitches slightly. Probably from a nightmare. But he's still content. I remember the kiss at the lightning tree and the kiss on the beach when I just needed him to be with me. I needed to feel something more than hope, more than a goodbye. I needed him.

But now, I have nothing to worry about. I don't have to worry about Peeta and what will happen to him. I feel like all the passionate love I had for him has been absorbed somewhere unreachable. But, now and again, I feel the remaining parts simmering in my stomach. They lure me to want more. But do I want more right now? Do I want to feel like I did on the beach? Do I want to love Peeta?