MESSED | ATEEZ ✔

THIRTY-NINE

San POV

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I growling loud in my room and stroking my hair roughly as I fell down on the floor. My chest hurt as hurt as she leave me. I put my palm on my face and my eyes started to dripping the tears again. I crying again for a thousand time, I'm tired but I don't know how to stop it.

Today I saw her face, it's upset me more. Her red and puffy eyes really hurt me. Believe me when I said I want to hugged her but my half body refused it. She hurting me, why I need to care about her? But believe me it's hard for me to hate her for God's sake.

I love her with my whole heart and damn me I just a fucking stupid guy here. I shouldn't said like that to her because I know what she told me the last night when we get into fought was not real. She lying to me and I just don't know why she doesn't want to be honest with me. That's make my anger explode.

I just need her to be honest.

I wiped all my tears and stood up to sit at the edge of my bed and took my eyes looking around my room as I saw something on my desk. I breathing heavily and walking slowly towards the desk and I furrowed my brows when I saw a small box with note without hesitated I open up the box.

A Ring?

I put the ring at the side and take the note as I sit down on my chair and read it carefully. She really have a pretty handwriting as pretty as her. I just smiling weak before focusing myself to the piece of paper.

To my love Choi San,

Thank you for loving me, I appreciate that much. I'm so sorry for hurting you and I swear to god I didn't meant to. When I said I don't love you...believe me I fucking love you. I just need a space, a rest for this relationship because I'm not ready for it, I'm sorry for choosing hurting you instead. When the time being I promise with you I will get you back but of course you'll hate me like crazy. It's okay, I deserved that and I know I'm not a person to asked you this but please don't hurt yourself much because it's hurt me too. That ring...if you don't want to wore just throwing it out or whatever you wanted to, I just remember you when I saw that. Last but not least, I'm sorry and I love you, Sannie.

From; someone you may love?

I pushed the letter away as I continue to crying as hard as I bawling last night. I bites my lower lips hard as I holding the sobbing for not escape from my mouth but I failed. Why this life making me and her hard to each other? We both love each other but it was like we never get blessed.

Fuck the life!

I pulling out my phone as I stare at my wallpaper. It's was my photo and her, my first selfie with her. She look so beauty and sweet. If I can back at that time, I will stop the time so I can get stucked with her the rest of my life.

I take a deep inhales and letting it out with my dripping tears. I'm broken much and I miss her already but the pain was still here, deep in my heart. Even she said she love me, nothing can change between me and her. I hate her for hurting me but I hate the fact I hurting her too.

How to get you back, Seohyun?

How to fix the thing between us?

How to?

What I need to do then?

No one know the answer even me because everything happened too fast and I can't even replay the time that we got into fought. If I can I probably just listen to her and waiting for both of us getting calm and asked her for the truth reason why she acting like that?

It's useless now.

___

"Please stop crying princess. People staring at us, they might thinking I'm hurting you."

Yeonjun said to me as we both get into the flight. How to stop crying when I saw a boiling anger San in front of me? He totally jerking me and hating me. I don't know what should I do then because absolutely there was nothing I can do.

"I felt sorry to him, Yeonjun. I-i I'm a bad guy." I started to bawling again and didn't even care to other people who started to looking at us.

Yeonjun at other side keep saying sorry to the other passengers and hugging me for short before release me from him.

"No, you're not. It's okay thing will get better after we reached home. Okay? Take a rest and nap don't thinking to much." He wiped my tears on my cheeks and he sighed.

"He will be okay right?" I asked him while looking into his eyes.

"He will, I know he will. Just stop blaming yourself." He said as he give me a short hug and laid his back on the seat.

I sighed as I pulling out my phone. Looking at the gallery photo and seeing my selfie photo with him. It's funny because I only have one picture with him at least I have that then I got nothing. I admiring his face and everything about him popped out at my mind as I watching our love story lingering around my face.

How can I stop loving this lovely man? He mean a lot to me as I formed a smile on my face. I will always love him the rest of my life and I'll never forget him. He used to be my greatest happiness, all time I spend with him I won't ever forget even for a little things.

He was being my star that always make me shine and forever he will be my heart. For God's sake I deeply in love with you, Choi San.

I hope till one day we will meet again and let's the faiths deal with us.

-THE END-

To be continue...