"Hahaha. Oh, sige. Saka na tayo mag-set—" Napahinto ako sa pagsasalita nang bigla na lang humagulgol si Aubrey. "U-Uy, bakit? Magiging okay rin 'to," alo ko sa kaniya. Siguro kasi ay labis pa rin ang pag-aalala niya kay Justin.
But she just kept on crying, so I stood up and sat beside her, putting one hand over her shoulder despite our height difference.
"Pat, you could have d-died because of us." Iyak niya. If she looked miserable earlier, she looks so much worse now. "We could have lost you, and I . . . I—"
"Aub, I told you I'm over it."
"But I'm not, Pat. I'm not over it." Humarap siya sa akin na bakas ang labis na lungkot at pagsisisi sa mga mata. "I will never be over my betrayal. I will carry this in my heart until the day I die,
"You're my best friend, and I betrayed you. I chose Justin over our friendship and I can't find the right words to tell you how sorry I am. Every day, I pray for your forgiveness, and we are lucky because you gave it to us so easily, but I know that we don't deserve it."
"Aub—"
"Pat, no." Pigil niya sa akin. "Ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na sabihin sa iyo ang lahat ng 'to. Please, let me get this out of my chest. You deserve to hear it from me," she pleaded.
I nodded my head slowly. I really have no desire to reminisce those days in my life, but if it would help clear the air between us and give us a fresh start, then I would be willing to go over it one last time.
"I don't want you to forgive us just because we matter to you. What we did was wrong. We are aware of that. We learned our lesson and we want to work for your forgiveness, Pat. If you would ask me to kneel on the ground and kiss your feet, I swear I would—"
"Aub, there's no need to go through such extremes," I cut her off.
"But I don't know what else to do. Murahin mo 'ko. Saktan mo 'ko. Just get back to me, please? I want to pay for what I did. Please, Pat—"
"Okay. Give him back to me," seryosong sambit ko, kahit na iniisip ko pa lang ay nasusuka na 'ko.
"P-Pat . . ." she hesitated. "Anything but that."
"Joke lang naman. Kadiri, ah?" Tawa ko. "Gusto mo ng mura? Bibigyan kita ng mura. Uhm . . ." I was struggling to think of the perfect curse words at the top of my head. "Fuck you?" I whispered, feeling my face heat up.
"That's not enough." Iling niya.
"Uhm, fuck you, stupid bitch. You motherfucking low-life, idiot. You deserve to rot in hell. Putangina mo at ng buong pamilya mo hanggang sa mga ninuno mo. Gago, tanga, mangmang, inutil, bobo, malandi, haliparot, kerengkeng, taranta—"
"You're just enumerating all the curses you know, Pat," Aub said with a slight chuckle.
"Ugh. Please don't make me say more. I feel like I need to exchange my mouthwash with holy water." I cried. I already exhausted my curse glossary.
"Haha. Ikaw talaga." Tawa niya. Hindi na siya umiiyak ngunit puno pa rin ng lungkot ang mga mata. "Gusto ko lang na makapag-umpisa ulit tayo. Ayaw kong patawarin mo kami dahil lang nanghihinayang ka sa pinagsamahan natin."
Agad naman akong umiling. "But that's not true, Aub," I whispered, running my hand up and down her arm. "I chose to forgive you for myself," I explained. "I didn't do it for you. I forgave you for my peace of mind. I forgave you because I don't want to fill my heart with hate and bitterness. I forgave you because I want to be genuinely happy. I know it will take some time, but please . . . learn to forgive yourself, too."
26: Forget Me Not
Start from the beginning
