Just Pretend, cb {completed}

73

"I hate you, you're such an ass." She throws the other pill she had in her hand directly at my head. Ow.

I ignore her anger filled comment and look down at the doctor talk pill box, "Sierra what are these?" I flick the lid open. It's half empty.

"What the fuck are you two doing?" Luke walks in shirtless. He's just woken up.

"Nothing, When can you leave?" She folds her arms across her chest, looking at me.

I shove the pills into Luke's chest. "What are these?" I ask, keeping my eyes on Sierra. She started getting upset but we were blocking the way so she couldn't leave.

He looks down at the pills and rubs his eyes, "Provigil.. uh modafinil, Why do you have these?" He looks at me. Modafinil? I used to take them to keep me up when i was touring as a teenager. They used to keep me up for two days straight.

I look at Sierra and she clearly didn't want me to tell him. She'll have to tell me alone then.

"I found them in the cupboard and took them earlier on, i haven't been able to sleep since." I say. Sierra looked at me blinking slowly, trying to figure out why i was covering for her.

"Oh, Yeah they do that... What happened down here?" He looks towards the smashed vase, he could probably tell i was lying.

"I slipped."

"You should throw these out, they're dangerous... They must be Ebens i don't remember bringing them here." He frowns, handing me back the tub. I slip them into my pocket and Sierra pushes past us both, walking up the stairs.

"Y'all argued?" He raises an eyebrow. It's a routine for us to now.

"Something like that, What time are you going work at?" I walk back into the living room. When he leaves i'll go up to Sierra.

"Oh, I'm not. I'm not feeling too well so i'm taking the day off. Is she okay? She looked mad." He stands at the bottom off the stairs.

"I don't know, Get some rest." I lay back down on the couch.

"I would tell you to, but you won't be able too." He smiles, walking up the stairs. I wait for his door to click shut and then walk up into Sierra's room.

I just walk in and all her clothes were thrown over the floor. Okay then.

I walk through the crowd of clothes "Sierra why are you taking Modafinil?" I sit on her chair, looking at her folding her clothes. I took the drugs off her so she'll be looking for something to keep her up at night. Maybe that's why her clothes are splattered across the floor.

"Why do you always bother me when i'm starting time feel fine?" She snaps back. She's far from fine.

"You're not feeling fine though, these are making you feel that way." I pick the tub up, she side eyes them but doesn't act out on it.

"They make me feel fine." She rubs her lips together. No she's not allowed to rely on drugs in order to feel the satisfaction she wants. This explains a lot of stuff.

"Sierra these are dangerous-"

"What do you know about them?" She sniggers, throwing a sweater down on the floor. She's frustrated.

"I used to take them. I know people that have overdosed on them. Sierra who even gave you these?" I raise my voice slightly.

"Why'd you take them?" She sits on the edge of the bed, playing with her rings nervously.

"To keep me up while i was touring. I should've noticed this all sooner, you've been talking them since we've broken up, haven't you?" I'm so oblivious. She's showing all the affects off it, from experience i should've been able to notice.

"Since you left me for your ex." She corrects me. I thought she forgot about that but clearly not. I still haven't told anyone the truth.

"Didn't we get over that?"

"Oh, yeah sorry." She looks at me, "But my apologies for fighting for my life while laying in a hospital bed because you left me, you made me feel worthless and you made me feel like i'd never be good enough for anyone."

That hurt me a lot, but at least she's opening her mind to me. If i want our relationship to work again, we have to be honest.

"I'm sorry." I look her in her eyes.

"And so wasI, I was sorry for being alive. I was sorry for existing. Hey, i still am-" I know she's only saying these because she's mad i took the drugs, but she's not allowed to say that.

"Don't fucking say that Sierra."

"Can't handle the truth?"

"You're just being like this because i took drugs off you, Be thankful i didn't tell Luke or do you want me too?" I stand up.

"No." She says quickly.

"Well you gotta tell me why you took them, and where you got them from, or i will tell him." I sit back down on the chair, threatening her.

"Why'd you care?" She states at her empty closet

"Because i love you, and i don't want you to take the same fate as your mom or some of my friends." Or her brother

She takes a breath in and stutters before she starts talking. "Every time i sleep i get nightmares, mainly reoccurring about death. It's frightening. I take them to keep me awake so i don't have to repeatedly relive listening to Louie, or you, whispering with nothing but hope in your voice for me to wake up."

I feel sympathy for her, but she needs to tell her therapist this stuff. Modafinil isn't the way out of it. If anything, the lack of sleep would make her nightmares worse.

"And they're the only things that help?" I ask, i'll still need to tell Luke about this. Even if she does hate me.

She nods her head yes, "I didn't get them last night though." We slept together last night.

"When was the last time you had one?"

"Last week." She cracks her knuckles, the hairs on her arms rising. "I wake up sweating and crying, It feels like i'm going through it all again."

"Does your therapist know?" I'm going to help her fight through this.

"No. No one does, so please don't tell anyone." She looks up, basically pleading.

"I won't." I pull her covers down, "Try and sleep, I'll be here all night." I pat the bed.

"I don't need a babysitter. Plus, i gotta sort all this out." She points to the floor full of clothes.

"Sierra i'm not stupid. I'll sort them out, i'll be here, Nothings going to happen to you. I promise. You need sleep." I look back down to the bed. The sheets are black, they were white last night.

She rolls her eyes but hesitated and gets into the bed, "You promise not to leave?" She holds her pinky out. I hook it with mine and dim her lights onto the red color.

I sit back in the chair, folding the clothes quietly. She was tossing and turning for a while trying to get comfortable before she finally stopped.

I started feeling my eyes go heavy, I pick the pill tub. It's been like four years since i've taken one of these. I only took them when i was touring, management made me in order to keep me up.

I grab a bottle of water that was sitting on Sierra's desk and take a pill out, swallowing it along with the water. They don't take long to kick in but i know now i'll be able to keep an eye on her all night.

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AGSJAHDJ i can't wait for u guys to read the new booooook!!! Also, i'm gonna maybe watch a movie and then upload another chapter!

And Thank you so much for 40k 🥺🥺