The last time I saw him was when he walked out on me last Friday. I thought he would be mad, but looking at him now . . . it's almost like he's waiting for me to approach him.
I just watched him as he leaned against the wall with his unlit cigarette still in one hand, and I couldn't help but think about what Mads and Ganja told me when they slept over at my place the other night.
Sabi nila ay gusto raw ako ni Axl.
I shook my head and tried to get their words out of my head. Things are already complicated between us. I don't want to mess things up even more.
Naglakad ako at lalagpasan na lang sana siya nang marinig ko ang mahina at tila nahihiyang pagtawag niya sa pangalan ko.
I stopped in my tracks and hesitantly looked up at him.
He looked stressed, and the dark circles under his eyes further emphasized my guess that he also wasn't getting enough sleep.
"Is everything alright?" I asked—concern reigning over everything else.
He nodded morosely. "I just want to apologize for the way I acted the other night," seryosong paumanhin niya. "I want you to know that I respect you, and whatever you're ready to give . . . tatanggapin ko," dagdag niya pa. "I shouldn't have left you."
Hindi ko alam kung bakit siya humihingi ng tawad. He's entitled to his own feelings, and if I made him upset, hindi niya kasalanan 'yon.
"Ang seryoso mo naman," sagot ko sa kaniya.
He looked at me and smiled awkwardly. "I have only ever dated one girl," he whispered. "I'm sorry if I didn't know how to ask you out the right way."
One girl?
Siya?
Parang hindi naman yata kapanipaniwala 'yon.
"Sige, payag ako," bulong ko malipas ang ilang segundo.
It took him a few more seconds to process what I said. "What do you mean?" usisa niya.
Nitong mga nakaraang araw ay talagang pinag-isipan ko ang tungkol sa sinabi sa akin nina Mads at Ganja. Ilang buwan na rin naman kaming hiwalay ni Justin. Tama sila at siguro naman ay handa na akong kumilala ng iba.
"Pareho naman tayong nagta-Tagalog hindi mo maintindihan?" I jokingly asked, using the same line Axl used on me the other night.
He chuckled as an answer, showing off his picture-perfect smile.
"Ang ibig kong sabihin, payag ako. I'll go out with you," paliwanag ko bago pa kami magkalituhan ulit na dalawa.
This is the first time na ganito ako ka-straightforward pagdating sa ganitong mga bagay. Like him, I have only been with one guy, and that was Justin. Over the weekend, I guess I just realized that I shouldn't stop myself from going out with other guys just because I have trust issues.
They can't all be the same, can they? Minalas lang siguro ako noon.
I mean . . . Axl seems nice. He's passionate, talented, and he seems to have quite a few friends. Wala namang mawawala kung susubukan ko, 'di ba?
"You mean it?" tanong niya, kasabay ng pagliwanag ng mga mata niya. "You know what, don't answer that. Baka magbago pa isip mo," mabilis na bawi niya.
Natawa na lang din ako.
"Bakit laging ang aga mo?" tanong ko sa kaniya habang sabay kaming naglalakad papunta sa library. May tatapusin daw kasi siyang requirement so I decided to join him. Lagi rin naman talaga akong sa library tumatambay nang ganitong oras.
12: Yes, With Feelings
Beginne am Anfang
