Stop Crying Your Heart Out - McLennon AU

1.

11th April, 1963

John took a deep breath as he walked down the aisle, his head kept down, the only focus being on the coffin he was holding. There were 5 other men carrying it too, but he still felt as if he was the only one there.

In a way, he wished he was. All he wanted to do was scream the church down, but he couldn't, because he knew he wasn't the only one who missed Cynthia dearly.

They placed the coffin on the stand, a few tears falling from John's eyes as he stared at it, before he turned to sit down next to Mimi who was holding his son.

Their son.

Julian was the name John had picked in the end, as it was a reminder of his mother. Yet another reminder of someone he had lost, but he hoped that he'd made her atleast a bit proud.

"Here." She whispered, passing over Julian. He took the boy gladly, holding him tight once more.

The ceremony went on, Cynthia's father saying a few words as her mother could not bring herself to, and then John saying some words.

He just wished he was anywhere but in that church.

When the speech was over, everyone moved outside, watching as the coffin was placed in the ground. As soon as it was placed, John handed Julian to Mimi, turning on his feet and walking as far away as he could.

He couldn't watch it anymore, he felt like he was breaking apart.

The man's hands shook, as he grabbed the stone wall infront of him, pulling himself up so he could sit on it. And he began to sob into his hands once again, feeling nothing but pity and upset.

'You never called me baby...'

What?

"Hey..." John didn't look up, knowing who that voice belonged to immediately. He just shook his head at it, sobbing harder. "Shhhh..." The voice said, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder and rubbing it slowly.

"I-I..." But he didn't know what to say.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anythin', John."

John nodded, eventually lifting his head up to meet the other's gaze. He jumped to his feet, wrapping his friend in a tight hug, probably tighter then he ever had done before.

"Mmmh-" He croaked out into the other's shoulder, like he was in pain. "P-Paul..."

"Yeah?"

"H-How... How am..." Paul clutched him tighter as he spoke. "I can't do this on my own..."

"Do what?" Paul asked, calmly.

"B-Be a Dad and... And grieve."

"John, you're not going to be alone. Everyone who was in that church is with you, you hear me?" He pulled away slightly, hoping John would again look him in the eyes. "Look at me, Johnny..."

John shook his head.

"Please?"

How could John not comply with that voice?

"There we go." Paul stated, watching closely as the other man lifted his head up. "Johnny, you've got Mimi, Cynthia's parents, George, Ringo, Jane and I..."

Jane

John wanted to sob again at hearing that name. Sure, he liked the girl, but he felt as if he couldn't have Paul to himself anymore when she was around.

"N-No... I won't..." John shook his head.

"Yes you will, we're all just one telephone away, you know that." But when John didn't seem convinced, the other just sighed. "It's goin' to be difficult, I know that, but you're goin' to get through it John. I can see how much you love that boy, you will do anythin' for him, yeah?"

This time John nodded, causing a short smile to appear on Paul's face.

"Exactly, so c'mon, let's go back to him, eh?"

"Mhm."