So wrong, yet so right

Chapter 25 - She knows

"Why?" I ask. I probably wasn't in the right mind to ask her. But I still needed to know the reason.

"He is a grown man, and you are..."

"A child?" I cut her off feeling offended by her. I know I'm only 18 soon to be 19, but it's legal, and that doesn't make me a child.

She sighs, looking exhausted by the situation. "You are not ready for this"

"For what? To be loved? To love someone?"

"You don't love him honey"

"Yes, I do! And he loves me too"

"I only want what's best for you. And you have to be satisfied that I didn't tell your father. I don't think he would ever want to see Michael again if he knew this"

"And what about you?"

"I think that if this comes out, it will do more damage than it will good"

"I meant, how do you feel about Michael now?" 

She sighs and I know instantly that the answer wasn't going to be good. 

"I don't understand this thing between you two. I don't think I ever will. There's a huge age different and, even if you are legally allowed, I don't think it's of good moral - Now, I don't think Michael is ever a bad man"

I wasn't too satisfied with her answer, but at least she explained it to me instead of saying something negative about him, or our relationship. And I couldn't be mad at her for that.

After our conversation, I went to my room to lay down on my bed. I needed some time to think. Many thoughts were running through my head. How was I going to do this? Was I going to end things with Michael right now? I couldn't bare myself to even think further than that, as only the thought broke my heart. I didn't want to imagine how the pain would feel to go through with it.

A lot of thinking later I text Michael and ask him if I can come over. To my slightest surprise does he say yes. If I'm going to do this, I better do it now. I didn't want to delay my broken heart, just because I was afraid. It was better to get it over with. I went downstairs to go outside. 

"Where do you think you're going?"

I turn around in the doorway, seeing my mom standing by the stairs with a serious look on her face. I didn't know I was going to have to watch my every move around her.

"You told me I should stop seeing him. And I am going to do what you say. But at least just let me say good bye to him" I say, feeling tears push on my eyelids. I walk out the door when she doesn't reply and I head over to his place. 

A part of me wanted not to say anything to him, and still let this be our secret. But I was too afraid that my mom would keep an extra eye on us, for ever. She found out once, who know's if she was going to find out again.

I knock on his door, feeling my heart in my throat. I wasn't ready for this. He opens up seconds later. His smile faintly vanishes as he sees my sad eyes. He knew something had happened. He let me in, without saying anything.

I turn to him as we walk into the living room, still without sharing any words. I look into his worried eyes, trying to push myself to say it. The words are stuck in my mouth. I don't want it to be a reality, figuring If I keep them to myself it might just be an awful dream.

"Has something happened?" He then asks. 

I sigh, collecting my emotions before I finally speak. "My mom know's"

"What know's? About... this, us?"
I nod.

He looks as shocked as I was when she told me. 

"What... How?"
I sigh. "She said that she saw me sneak out of your room. Then she followed me"

"She is refusing me to see you"

"Maybe if I talk to her"

"NO. You will not talk to her. It will only get worse. She hasn't told my dad about it and she said that she won't unless we keep seeing each other"

"So, what does this leave us?"

I stop a second to think about what to answer. I can see in his eyes that he already has figured out what I'm afraid to say.

"I-I don't know"

"You know I would never put you in a situation where you felt you have to choose between your parents or me" He says sincerely.

"I know..I know" I sigh. He walks over to me, cups my face and look into my eyes. I can't hold it in any longer. This feels more and more like a goodbye. Tears began streaming down my face, and I let them. He brushes them away with his thumb, and just then I can see tears forming in his eyes. 

"I love you" He says.

I smile a little. "I love you too"

He brings me into his arms and holds me close. We stand here for a little while taking in everything that has happened. 

"We will see each other around again" He speaks.

I sigh. "I know. It's going to be very hard at first, but I think this is the right thing to do"

"I wish you could stay the night"

My heart and body was aching for me to say that I could. If it wasn't for the fact that my mom knew I was here, or that it would be even harder after to mend a broken heart - I would.

"Me too. But it would be much harder to end this"

"I know baby" He caresses my cheek before sealing my lips with a kiss. It's deep in another way than I'd experienced. We had ended things before, but for some reason this time was more painful. 

"Good bye Michael" I say, as my last words to him before I turn around and walk out of his house. A part of me wanted him to run after me, say he loves me and would never let me go. Not ever, not even over this stupid thing. But he didn't. And it broke my heart even more than  would've ever imagined.

I went home, curled myself in my bed and cried until I fell asleep. 

A/N - I hope you liked this part. On to write the next chapter

lots of love, me xo