The Boy and his Beast

31. Against his will

(Kellan's POV) 

"Ready for round two?" Ben jokes though he looks like he's about to pass out, or bolt out of the room. 

"How bad is it?" I ask him. He smiles poorly. 

"Not that bad, but it will be." 

"OK, so what do we do?" I ask with a glance around the room. There are definently no werewolf chains here. I scavage my mind for a solution and look around again. 

That's when Ben starts to cry. 

"I really want to have sex with you... but I can't; I just can't" he cries and rub his eyes like he's annoyed with his own tears. I reach for him but stop myself. I'll  probably get affected by his heat soon. Touching him is dangerous. 

"Ben, it's OK. We won't. I won't touch you" I assure him. He gives me a crocked smile and whispers. 

"You can't promise that." 

He's right. I can't, and I don't know what to do now. If we're not careful this could end with my wolf side taking over and ignoring Ben's trauma. I know I have it in me and it scares me that I could hurt him. 

We're both scilent for a while. The only sound is that of Ben's heavy breathing and my frustrated heart pounding at my ribs. Ben squirms and clenches his teeth as another wave of heat goes through him. 

"Don't freak out now, but how about I get you off again? A few times and then maybe it'll pass" I suggest. His lip trembles and he looks at me with wet eyes. 

"Noo..." he begs with a tortured voice. 

"Just a few times" I repeat and take his hand. He is feverishly warm. 

"...no I can't. Not so soon. Just... no. Please" he pleads and sqeezes my hand. 

Just then he crumples up and hugs himself with a pained whimper. He's holding his breath as his body cramps up. 

"Ben?!" 

He releases short gasps and turns his face into the covers. 

"It hurts!" he cries and wriggles against the sheets. His hands tare at his clothes but he's so weak he can't get them off. Oh, Ben...

With careful movements I help him out of the jacket and unbutton his pants. His hands try to fend me off but he hasn't got any strenght left. Fanatic gasps and whimpers escapes him and he breathes like he's in pain. 

The look of his body struggling to handle the need he feels makes me hot. But I have to be pull myself together. I pull off his shoes, socks and pants but when I reach for his shirt his hands stop me. 

"No!" he begs with sad, sad eyes. I smile at him though it's hard to smile right now. 

"It's OK. I'm just going to make sure you don't faint from the heat" I tell him and unbutton his shirt against his will. His body shakes with small sobs and he's holding on to my wrists again. 

Like I'm his only hope. 

Like I would never hurt him. 

I feel the cold spread in my chest but I continue to pull his arms out of the sleeves and lift him up to pull the shirt away. He's holding the waistband of his trunks and I yield. I can't. It feels like I'm hurting him with every breath I take. 

I ease myself down onto the floor and hang my neck in defeat. 

"I can't be strong, Ben. I'm sorry" I mumble. 

I know I have to be, but I just can't force him even though I know it's the only way. I feel my eyes sting with tears and I wonder when I last cried. When mom and dad died? When Winter fell from that tree and we thougt he wouldn't live? 

A warm hand softly strokes my hair and I look up. Ben is sitting in front of me on the bed patting my head. He opens his mouth but I interrupt him. 

"Don't you dare say you're sorry" I grumble. He doesn't say anything, just plays with my hair. Another surge of heat makes him whine and my heart aches for him. His hand falls from my hair but I catch it and hold it like it's a tiny, fragile, little bird. 

"I want to... because I trust you... but I can't... because it's... it's too scary. I need you to..." he trails off and I can read under the lines what he's asking me. 

"I won't do anything scary" I lie to him and place his hand on my face. He rubs his thumb over my cheek. 

"Mhm" he humms in defeat. His breathing is getting heavier again and he squirms and rubs his bottom against the sheets again. I catch him just as another flush of heat makes him cry out in agony. 

I hold him and he pulls at my clothes even though I know he doesn't want them off. 

"Wait, Ben" I say but he's desperate. I unbutton my shirt with his hands trying to help me though his fingers are shivering badly. 

With a swift motion I wring my shirt off. To my suprise he jumps me, pushing me down on the bed. As he straddles me I feel the familiar tingle down there. Ben's lip is trembling but he rubs himself against my crotch and even reaches a hand behind himself to stroke me over my pants. 

I instantly grow hard under his touch. This just got a lot more difficult. 

As gently as I can in my current needy state I lock his both hands in one of mine and look at him. 

"Baby?" 

His eyes are hazy with tears and lust as he looks at me. Is he even aware of what he's doing right now? I can tell he's not in control of his actions at least, because he leans down wringing his hands out of my grip and starts to kiss at my neck. 

"Mhm?" 

Having him close like this I bathe in his scent and it is heavy and full of pheromones. Just as designed the smell makes me shiver with lust and I have to bite my lip to not act on my instincts. 

"Try to calm down. Take a deep breath" I instruct and hear him draw in a deep breath in the crock of my neck. 

"You smell so nice. Please..." he pleads with a suggestive tone. 

I'm not sure if it's the sensible Benjamin that is asking me, or if it's the heat-controlled one, but I know what they are both asking. 

With sure movements I sit up and hold his hands between us. He wriggles and tries to grind against me with an unfortunatly good angle. I suck in a sudden breath and he grinds harder. 

At that I lift him off of me and put him down beside me. He instantly tries to climb me again. Rougher now, I push him down and hold his hands over his head. 

"Breathe, Benjamin. Slowly!" I order and hold him down as he tries to free his arms. Slowly he does breathe and comes to. With short breaths that couldn't possibly get him enough air he calms down and looks at me again. 

He opens his mouth to speak but it's just a mumbling whimper that doesn't involve words. Tears roll down his face. I understand what he trying to say and it breaks my heart but I nod. 

"I will" I promise and swallow the lump in my throat. Ben is counting on me. I have to be strong.