To Save Panem

Chapter 6

Peeta POV

When I get in the train, I see Katniss go off into a different car. As much as I want to go talk to her and apologize to her, I know she needs a little bit of space first. I have something else I need to do right now. I turn to Haymitch, who has already sat down in a blue cushioned chair, and it takes everything in me to not punch him.

So because I can't punch him, because now it's his job to keep Katniss safe in the arena, I scold him almost as if he were a child. "What the heck Haymitch? We had a deal! You promised me you would let me go into the arena. You promised! But you broke it like it meant nothing to you. Now Katniss is going to die because no one is there to protect her!"

Haymitch lets me finish before speaking. "I couldn't let you go into that arena. I can't explain now, but you'll understand soon. It's better for you if you know as little as possible. And I will do everything I can to protect Katniss. And no matter how much Katniss doesn't want them, we will get allies. Plus, don't forget you're the mentor now. Which means you can send us things. You'll still be able to help her. I'll teach you everything I can before the games, so you're somewhat prepared. You're better at talking anyways. Which means more sponsors. Which means more money."

I want to be angry. I am angry. But after talking to Haymitch it made me less angry at him, and more angry at the Capital. Because we wouldn't even be in this situation right now if it wasn't for them. So I respond to Haymitch, by saying "you better be right" and go to my room to shower. I figured Katniss might want a little more alone time before I go talk to her.

The sun is beginning to set when I begin to look for Katniss. It doesn't take me long to find her in the last car of the train. I silently sit next to her, and put my arms around her, her doing the same.

"I'm sorry." I tell her.

"For what?" she asks.

"No one is going to be in that arena to protect you. You saved my life in the first arena, I was hopping to help you win in the second. Haymitch promised me he would let me go with you, but he broke his promise." I can tell she wants to say something but isn't sure if she should.

"I'm so sorry Peeta. I made Haymitch promise me if you were called he volunteered. I can't have you die Peeta. You deserve to live more than me and more than Haymitch. You're too good of a person to die. If you died in that arena, it would be like if you died in the first one. I would have never gotten out of the arena, I'd be stuck there for my whole life. I wouldn't have been able to live, knowing the one person I could actually save died. And I'm the reason any of us actually have to go back into the arena. Snow wants me dead so what's the best, most entertaining, and less suspicious way to have me killed? Throw me back into the arena for a Quarter Quell! Peeta, I know you wanted to go back to protect me, but I couldn't risk your life, especially when it's possible Snow won't even let me win anyways. I'll feel better in the games knowing you're safe."

I'm at a loss for words. I feel the back of my shirt getting slightly wet, and I'm doing the same to Katniss'. I can't disagree with her about the Snow thing, and she was just being honest and telling me how she felt. And although it might be selfish, it gives me hope for a future with her in it someway or another, even if it's just as friends.

"Katniss, I'm still going to do everything I can to get you out of the arena. There's a chance, okay? Just, you have to try to win. Try to win to get back to Prim, your mother, Gale..." I want to say me, but I don't know how she would feel about that. Would she actually want to get out of the arena for me?

But she reads my mind and knows what I was thinking about saying. "I'd want to come back to you too, Peeta. I just... don't want to kill anyone else. And I'm so scarred me and Haymitch are going to be the last two tributes, and then what happens then? Because after everything he's done for us, I wouldn't be able to kill him. But I can't let him die! I don't want to go back in there. I wish I'd just ate those stupid berries. For all we know it would probably be a completely different Quarter Quell."

"Katniss, don't say that. Think about how many people you've helped in 12 by providing parcels! And how you now don't have to worry about providing food from Prim, your mother, and yourself. And, I guess you better hope Haymitch dies earlier in the games. So that way neither of you have to kill each other or yourselves."

"I know I helped them Peeta, I just think they'd be safer if I had died. Peeta I'm so scared for them. And I'm scared to go into the arena."

"I know Katniss. But we're going to get you out of there, okay?"

I know she wants to object. I know she thinks its better for everyone if she dies, but it's not. Her family, Gale, and me would all be broken, in complete honesty, I don't know if I would want to live anymore if Katniss died. So eventually, after Katniss fights with herself, she finally says "okay."