Delude | h.s.

eleven

I just want to let you know
I'm seeing the sides that you don't show
And I know that we've got some potential
'Cause that look you gave me was so gentle
North - Clairo

♤

Layne

Tuesday comes way faster than I had anticipated. This morning, I woke up two hours earlier than I normally would because my nerves were so high. They're still high. They've only been getting higher as the day goes on.

I took a shower after I ate breakfast and did my makeup. I've been trying on outfits for the past hour or so because everything I put on doesn't feel right. I don't know what we're doing today. The other day he said we could do whatever I wanted but the thing is, I don't even know what I want to do. I've been trying to come up with things to do but everything I think of seems boring.

Harry is really hard to read, so I have no idea what he would find fun. I want him to have a good time today, too.

I throw on a black tank top and tuck it into my jeans. As I'm looking at myself in the mirror, my phone lights up with a text from Harry:

I'll be there in 5.

I look at my outfit in the mirror. Guess I'm wearing this.

I tell him I'll meet him downstairs and as I do, the fact that Harry and I are actually going to hang out, just the two of us, hits me like a freight train. Anxiety starts to bubble in my stomach, and I take a deep breath in attempt to calm myself down.

I think the reason I'm so nervous is because he's so closed off and I never have any idea what he's thinking or feeling. Usually, I can tell when a person is having a good time or not, but with him I can't. He always has the same stoic expression on his face and he's always so tense.

He constantly looks like he'd rather be anywhere but where he is.

I shake off my nerves and lace up my Converse. On my way out, I grab my purse off the counter and lock the door behind me.

When I get to the lobby, I get a text from Harry saying he's here. Instead of replying, I open the door and step onto the sidewalk. As soon as I get outside, I see Harry walking towards me. He rounded the corner of Jack's and has his head down. He's wearing a white graphic t-shirt that has rips in it and black jeans. He also has a pair of sunglasses on and a black bag hung over his shoulder.

Seeing him makes my heartrate accelerate and I feel my hands start to shake. I hold them in front of me and start twisting one of my rings around my finger.

He lifts his head and I give him a small smile.

I can't see his eyes, but he takes a deep breath as I step towards him. He stops in front of me and sighs.

"Hey," I say quietly.

"Hi." He runs his fingers through his hair, "what's the plan for today?"

I roll my lips into my mouth and think. "I honestly don't know. I've been trying to come up with things to do but, I've got nothing."

His lips press into a tight line and he nods. "Okay..." he thinks for a second, "Do you just want to start walking and see if anything comes to mind?"

"Yeah, that works. If you have any ideas or if there is anything you want to do, then we can do that too." I ramble.

He starts walking in the direction he came from and I catch up next to him. "It's your birthday, not mine," he says matter-of-factly.

That's true, but I'm really bad at coming up with things to do. My friends were always the ones to make plans, I just went along with whatever they came up with.