𝐍𝐎𝐍-𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒

She's Sisyphus even in a corporate scene and they're calling her dumb slut

I got up, exhausted. I ran my fingers through my hair, slowly walking back and forth, trying to calm my nerves in vain.

"So, what's you're trying to say? You're trying to say that as long as I'm in a band, I can't have a life? I can't make mistakes? What the fuck were the Pistols, then?"

"Who's talking about the Sex Pistols?"

"They were one of the best rock and roll bands to ever come out and they got arrested. They always got the people's back up. Noel Gallagher said drugs are like a cup of tea for the people in the Houses of Parliament. Oh, and John Lennon? He even pissed off Jesus himself!"

"What are you trying to say? If you think rock and roll is getting into trouble..."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm saying rock and roll is about music! Trouble doesn't make you any less talented or successful. I'm not gonna sell the fake plastic, better, version of myself so people can like me"

"This is different" he pointed out.

"Why? Cause I'm a girl?"

"Oh, don't throw your feminism at me"

"Then don't throw your sexism at me!"

Jeremy sighed, rubbing his face. When he laid eyes on me again, he looked at me almost with compassion, as if he felt sorry for me. "Do you really care about him that much?"

His words made my stomach flip. Only the idea of trying to forget Matty again, made me feel a disturbing, heavy, weight on my chest.

Someone rang the bell. It must have been the boys. Jeremy glanced at me like he was still trying to figure out what to do, and then just disappeared from the room. Thank God. I couldn't take any more of that conversation. I heard my friends' voices, I could hear them laughing, humming songs that weren't born yet. I took a deep breath, trying to relax. Why did things have to be so complicated, now that I decided to live my relationship, that wasn't even a relationship, with Matty with no more worries?

The sun was setting. It had been a long day of work, of ideas discussed and discarded. Jeremy looked at me the whole time with cold eyes, and I was burning with anger. Fortunately, I got to turn it into inspiration. Floods of words were floating from me as Alex was playing his new riff. I was inspired again, but I couldn't complitely focus. That acoustic guitar laying on in corner of the room reminded me of Matty. What should I do about him?, I asked myself. Was Jeremy right?

"So" Charlie started as we left Jeremy's house, "tonight at nine, right?"

"Yeah" Keith responded, "we'll meet at Natalie's"

I looked at them confused. Keith glanced at me. "You didn't forget about Natalie's birthday party, right?"

Holy shit.

"Of course I didn't"

Well, technically I didn't. I had already bought her a present and I helped organizing her surprise party. But I totally forgot it was tonight. I had literally lost track of time and contact with reality. You know whose fault it is.

With the streetlights casting a bright light above the road, there was a sort of a dreamlike atmosphere. We walked until we reached Alex's car. My head was wandering. Tomorrow Matty was going to leave for tour. I said we were going to spend the night together, but I couldn't ask him to come to the party. The mere thought of Jeremy picking a fight with him made my skin crawl. And I didn't want to ruin Natalie's night. No, I thought, I couldn't invite him.

As soon as I arrived back at my apartment, I started picking out an outfit. I stared at my phone every now and then. Should I tell Matty I've got a party tonight? Should I tell him I can't invite him cause my manager believes he's going to ruin my career? And how long will his tour last? When am I going to see him again? Probably not in a short time. And I was wasting our last night together.