𝐍𝐎𝐍-𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒

I'll be the only heartbreaker

When we entered in the room, Matty immediately let go of my hand. No one said anything about us. It was all a fuss, empty bottles, passed out bodies, Bea swearing cause his old friend was a cunt. We sat far from each other. Matty sat on Adam's lap. The image of him in the dim hall light overlapped what I saw now. I must confess I did question the authenticity of my own memories. I fell on the couch, next to my friends. Him, a few meters from me. With no small disappointment, I very seldom found his eyes on me. Bea was blowing out candles and unwrapping gifts and I had the feeling something was already wrong.

"Do we have a gift?" I asked my friends.

"We are the gift" Sadie giggled. She was full of energy, her breakdown only a memory.

Charlie was wandering, who knows what he had snorted off his ass. Alex was tripping in silence, while Keith was tangled in Natalie's arms, both drunk.

"What happened between you two?" Sadie whispered in my ear. Winky face.

I couldn't prevent myself from smiling, blushing like a teenager, and Sadie shouted "oh my God!", but it was too noisy for people to hear her.

"Sadie, please, stay quiet" I begged her. "I don't know what happened yet. Honestly, I don't know"

I couldn't take my eyes off Matty. He laughed the loudest, joking with his friends. Part of me hoped I was one of the reasons behind his good mood. But now, we were sat far from each other. He wanted to keep it private, I told myself, and I wanted it too. Also, he was still seeing Twigs. She wasn't his girlfriend, but neither did I. It was okay. I didn't want to be his girlfriend. I didn't really want anything. Except - oh, I wanted to stamp my feet like a kid - his eyes on me.

"So, you're alive"

Rick sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. His sudden appearance startled me.

"Where were you?" he mumbled, his breath smelling of alcohol.

I leaned a bit back, turning my face to the other side. I couldn't scoot over, my friends took up all the space on the couch.

"Why you keep turning your face" he said annoyed and sleepy "every time I get close?"

"Listen, Rick, I don't --"

Before I could finish my sentence, he silenced me with a kiss. I tried to lean back, but his tongue was already in my mouth.

I heard the others whistling and applauding as I pulled his face away from me with both my hands.

"What's wrong?" he complained.

"Hey, Rick is one of the golden studs in this house!" Bea said from the other side of the room, Matty next to her. "How can you reject him?"

I turned to look at her, she was waiting for an answer, but my eyes were on Matty. He stayed silent, staring at the blunt he was rolling. He wasn't supposed to say anything, but a pain stabbed my heart for such a coldness. He didn't care at all.

"Happy birthday and all, Bea, but it's not your business" I cleared my throat, stretching a hand to reach a glass on the table and pour myself a drink of whatever was in the first bottle I grabbed. "Cheers to your 21"

"She's 20, babe" Rick whispered in my ear, covering his mouth with his hand. He was definitely drunk.

"Whatever" I rolled my eyes, taking Rick's arms away from me.

Bea simply shrugged. Someone changed the playlist, Dua Lipa blasting through the speakers. Matty got up from Adam's lap and lit his blunt. I wanted to slap him. I finished what was in my glass and asked Sadie to have a shot with me, she agreed with excitement. Rick agreed too, no one asked him, though.