Merthur one shots || Merlin

Wildflowers and lakes

"I tried to come visit but I was always busy with Arthur or Gaius. Sometimes I would leave in the middle of the night and walk through the woods, like we used to" Merlin spoke again, voice cracking throughout the entire sentence, making Arthur's heart crack in the process. He hadn't realised just how much weight Merlin had on his shoulders, with his magic and chores for both himself and Gaius, it must be exhausting.

"You've been gone for almost a year now, it feels like just yesterday I was hugging you just before I set of on my journey to Camelot"

That surprised Arthur most. She had been gone for almost a year, and he kept it to himself the entire time. Knowing Merlin, he wouldn't have even told Gaius, instead keeping it to himself. He also probably wouldn't have given himself the time to grieve, so her death would still be fresh. Arthur's own Mother died before he opened his eyes for the first time, yet he still missed her like a best friend. 

"The worst part is I have no one to talk to, no one to confide in"

Arthur couldn't help the shatter of his heart if he tried. He knew he had been a downright asshole most of the time, telling Merlin to stop being a girl and get back to work, but he had thought Merlin knew he was just joking around. Merlin had more people by his side than he realised, and right then and there, Arthur decided he was going to show Merlin just that when they got back.

"Sure, I have Arthur, but he's busy with his own Princey things. And it's not like we're friends or anything, I'm just a servant"

Arthur wanted to scream at him, tell him how much he meant to him, how much he cared, but he was frozen. He had always thought he would be able to keep his feelings a secret until they went away, but it was clear to him that was a mistake. Merlin needed someone to show him just how much they cared, he needed someone to be by his side and show him he wasn't alone.

"Gaius tries his best but he can only do so much, the only person who knows you died is Gwaine, I talk to him sometimes but he never fully understands what I'm feeling"

"Everyone thinks all is well, everyone thinks the smile I Constantly have on my face is real but let me tell you, it's far from it. Arthur asks if I'm okay every once in a while but it's not like he actually cares, he only does it so I'll stop moping around and do my job"

The King winced at that, knowing his words were somewhat true. He did care about Merlin's feelings, more than he would ever admit to himself, but he never knew how to show it so he just brushed off Merlin's  sadness and hoped it would go away.

"I just want to go somewhere where no one expects anything from me, where I can be free like a bird. I want to join you, but I know I cannot abandon my destiny, even if that destiny is a pain in the ass" Merlin chuckled slightly, unaware of the King watching him from a few feet away.

"I love you, mum" he whispered before he stood up and made his way back in the direction of Camelot.

It took Arthur a moment to get a grasp on the things he had just heard and when he did he turned around, stepping on a twig. He winced when Merlin stopped dead in his tracks, keeping his back to Arthur but he knew he had been heard.

"You know, if you're gonna follow me, you should be quieter" Merlin said without turning around.

"I'm sorry" was all Arthur could bring himself to say as he walked closer to Merlin.

"I guess you heard"

"Yeah" Arthur pursed his lips as he stood behind him. "Why didn't you tell me your Mum died?"

When Merlin turned around, Arthur couldn't suppress the gasp that left his lips at the sigh of Merlin's face. His cheeks were splotchy with tear tracks, his nose was snotty and his eyelashes were stuck together but he was still the most beautiful human Arthur had ever seen.

"Because, no one cares" Merlin said softly before turning around and beginning to walk.

"I care" Arthur said as he ran to catch up with him. Merlin scoffed in response and kept walking, he couldn't fathom why though when all he wanted was to be in the king's arms. 

"I do, seriously" Arthur said as he grabbed Merlin's wrist and pulled him closer.  "I would have listened, I would have been there for you"

"You have you're own problems, and I'm just a servant" Merlin smiled sadly, and Arthur could have cried then and there. If Arthur had of just got his feelings sorted out, he could have stopped teasing his servant and Merlin could have known his self worth.

"No" was all Arthur responded. Merlin looked up a him confusedly, and Arthur suppressed a laugh at how adorable he looked when he was confused. His eyes were narrowed, his mouth set in a frown and his eyebrows furrowed so much there was a crease between his eyebrows that the King itched to smooth with his thumb.

"No, you're more than that. You're my best friend. I would never admit it before but you are, you're the first person I see of a morning and the last at night, you put your life at risk for mine when all you should be doing is dressing me. You listen to what I have to say, you offer advice and treat me like a human, not a Prince. You're the person who makes me laugh the most, when you trip over your own feet or say something so utterly stupid you have to laugh" Arthur ranted as Merlin stood, quietly trembling.

"Arthur" he whispered.

"I'm not finished"

"You come along on hunting trips even though I know you hate them, you do my chores for me without much complaint, even when you do complain I know it's sarcastic and you would happily do it forever. You take care of me when I'm ill, take care of the knights when they're ill, You give great advice about things when it's not your job to do so, you give me advice about women when I can see it kills you inside... I know you love me, and I know it kills you when my father makes me spend time with princesses"

Merlin began to visibly tremble as the King grasped his hands and intertwine their fingers. "I never realized it before because I'm an arrogant, selfish prat but I love you, Merlin. I love you with my entire heart, and I'm sorry you felt different"

Merlin smiled when Arthur finally looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just felt like no one would actually care.

"I miss her so much Arthur, I never got to say goodbye" Merlin whispered as more tears fell down his soft cheeks.

Arthur sighed and held Merlin as close as he could, running his fingers through his raven locks and drawing circles on his bony back. His heart was racing in his chest, and he was sure Merlin would be able to hear it but he didn't care. He had just poured his heart out and though he still doesn't know if Merlin likes him back or not, he got the boy to smile and that was all that matters.