See You in a Minute

S T E V E

❝I'm in love with you.❞
- Steve Rogers

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I was happy with Peggy back in 1970. She was kind and clever, but what drew most people to her was her determination and resilience. She knew what she was capable of and she uses whatever she has to help those in need. She was a beautiful warrior and everyone along with me loved her.

When I was with her, I realized just how great and fulfilling living the picket fence sort of life was. I didn't know how much I was missing until I had it with her. She always caters to my needs and one look at me would be enough for her to figure out if something was wrong. It wasn't easy for her to bring a smile to my face during those times when I felt down but she never gave up. She isn't afraid to tell me what's on her mind and she willingly gave me her trust. She always make me feel like I'm so lucky to be with her—and I was.

Any man would be lucky to have her. But that man isn't me.

Despite everything good I had going on in 1970 with Peggy, the feeling of incompleteness was always there. I lived a good life with her but no matter how good it was, I simply realized that it wasn't the life meant for me. Maybe it would've been if I never went into the ice but I did—and even if I still went back in time and prevented that from happening, it still wouldn't change the fact that I know what it feels like to live in a time where I thought I didn't belong. I am no longer one of those people who lived after the war, no longer one of the people I always thought was like me. I tried so hard to fit in to the 21st century that I didn't even realize that through accepting this new lifetime, I have become a different man. I always thought that the man who came out of the ice was someone I don't recognize but the truth is, I know him more than the Steve I used to know back in the 40's.

I always thought that Steve Rogers was that guy I left behind in 1940. The guy who had Bucky, the guy who loved Peggy, the guy who wanted to serve his country. But I've never been more wrong. Turns out, Steve Rogers was still all those things but with so much more to live for this time around. I didn't only have them—I had the Avengers, a place to call 'home', and a purpose that I love to fulfill despite the pain of doing so. I had what I always had and so much more although presented it different ways now. I've alway thought that Captain America and Steve Rogers were two different people but I didn't even realize that Captain was already a part of who I am. He was no longer a figure, a title—he was the inspiration Steve Rogers could become, the leader I always wanted to be.

Living in the 1970, I realized how much I learned to consider the present time my home when I started to feel nostalgia for a time that wasn't even supposed to exist yet. A reality that hasn't come true for the people I live with, for me. I missed the bickering around the compound, the bonding moments I've had with team, fighting side by side with them, and I missed winning by their side.

Most of all, I missed Natasha.

I missed the way we worked together, the way we understood each other, the way we've become one despite being two seperate people. I missed seeing the vulnerable side of who she is and I miss the way she knew me. I missed the way we rely on each other and I missed living with her. I missed the moments when I would wake up with her in my arms and I missed the constant teasing that never failed to amuse me. I missed the way she smiles at the little things that she says she doesn't care about but do, and I often find myself reminiscing the times when I had the privelage of witnessing the Black Widow turn to Natasha Romanoff. I missed having my moral compass, I missed being with her.

Every little thing the people around me do reminds me of her. I remember her when I see a peanut butter sandwich, whenever I see a rose, a redhead, or simply when I see the color red, and it's difficult for me not to see Natasha when Peggy is in front of me. I've gotten so used to having Natasha in my life that living in a time where she isn't with me feels like merely existing. Without her, there's no real place to consider home.