Boyf riends Oneshots [discontinued until further notice]

Sunshine

So that's what I did. After my mental breakdown ended I went back to my house and saw something that's become typical.

     My momma trying to reason with and kindly calm down my younger brother while he's in my room trying to slam the door shut with mom's shoulder shoved in between the door.

     I try and help as much as possible per usual and find out he was throwing things, slamming doors, kicking people, and throwing a tantrum because he had an hour to clean up a few LEGO's.

     "Sorry about that Mickey, I don't know why he's so difficult"

     "It's fine, I just wish he was easier to deal with. I could kinda understand when he was younger, but he's twelve now, he should know not to throw things and hit people"

I also wish I could not have to run to my room and lock the door for my safety when he throws a really bad tantrum

     "Okay, thank you so much for being my easy child. I know it's unfair that you do most things, but it's just so hard with him. I love you."

     "You're welcome, and it's fine. Love you too."

     I went to bed, trying to prepare myself for the next day of torture.

~ time skip to day of the play brought to you by repression is bad kids, take me as an example of what not to do~

I can't believe how I keep thinking things will get better. Maybe it's because we'll have a good day, but then things go right back downhill, only at a faster speed. But I keep on pushing through... somehow.

     Maybe it's because I only show happiness. Nobody can pity you and it's much easier on others when you don't say anything. They don't have to worry about you which is one less problem for them. As close to letting other people know what I actually feel was when I cried because I got a D on a science test even though I put in all the work and effort and tried my hardest.

That ended with my moms feeling bad for me and that's what I was trying to avoid.

     Back to smiling.

     One particularly bad day, my family had left so I starting smoking and burning things.

Which is why it startled me when Mr. Here came along and started talking to me about pants. I don't remember much of that conversation but I do remember one sentence in particular that stuck out to me.

"I know this might be hard, but just suck it up and go"

On the outside I agreed and went to help, but that tore me apart inside because it had confirmed what I've been telling myself for so long.

Suck it up, nobody cares what the heck you feel, you don't matter. Your only purpose on the face if this earth is to help other people, key words being other people. You're not here to feel anything other than instructed, you're just a ploy for other people to rise up.

     Regardless, I still went to the play.

(Skip to one or two moths post Squip or something like that, whatever you want)

     I can't believe I was stupid enough to think things were getting better.

     I was good for like a week, but now it's back to having almost breakdowns (although nobody noticed cause you hid it well) over multiplying decimals cause why the fuck are we doing this again I already learned this in fourth grade so how am I supposed to remember that.

Today was gonna be a good day though... right?

It was Saturday and during my free time my moms signed me up for a film camp. I was a writer and an actor and today was the premiere of our movie.