SmackDown: Back to Our Roots

Round 6: The Beginning Is the End - @Wuckster

"I see," Xprgh said as he rubbed at his lower mandible with his tentacle. Truthfully he wasn't sure himself which of the orders he had decreed took precedence over the other. Was this a cause for doling out punishment or not? He decided just to be on the safe side he should probably administer lashings with a rolled-up wet towel to everyone who had any sort of peripheral involvement with this fiasco. They had most likely done something to deserve it regardless. "Well, I suppose you'd better send Captain Jlvrb in so he can be debriefed."

A few moments later a handsome green Zargolin in a form-fitting military uniform waddled into Xprgh's office and saluted. "Captain Jlvrb of the ninety-second regimen at your service, your great and unmatched magnificentness, sir!"

"Yes, yes, let's skip the formalities." Xprgh lifted his coffee cup to his mouth and took a sip. "Was your mission a success?"

"Indeed it was, sir! We calculate that we were ninety percent successful."

Xprgh spat out the coffee in surprise. Normally this would be cause for anger over wasted coffee, but considering this cup was kind of bitter and gross without that third lump of sugar, he decided to overlook it. Besides there were more pressing matters for his rage to be directed at. "Ninety percent? What's this ninety percent rubbish? The mission was either one hundred percent successful or it was a failure! Explain yourself immediately! Were the canisters destroyed or not?"

"Well, sir, I can definitely confirm that nine out of the ten canisters were incinerated. The tenth canister seems to have gotten misplaced. We believe it may have been mislabeled as trash and ejected out the garbage chute into space. But I really don't think there's anything to be concerned about. We were way out in the middle of nowhere as you instructed. We picked an insignificant star in some backwater galaxy that no one in their right mind would ever visit. I'm sure that the canister will never be found by anyone. It's just as good as destroyed as far as I'm concerned."

"This star you mentioned," Xprgh grabbed Captain Jlvrb by the shirt collar. "Did it have any planets orbiting it?"

"Uh, yeah. A few run-of-the-mill gas giants and some little rocks that were barely worth noticing."

Xprgh took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Did any of those rocky planets have an oxygen rich atmosphere? And was it largely covered in water? Think carefully! This is of the utmost importance!"

"Well, now that you mention it, the third rocky planet did have a lot of water and oxygen. But what's the big deal? Everyone knows those substances are completely useless."

"This is a catastrophe of epic proportions," Xprgh said as he smacked himself in the face repeatedly with his tentacle.

"Are you okay, sir? You're looking a little pale."

"No, I'm not okay! Do you have any idea what you've just potentially unleashed on the universe? Where was this star with this planet? You must return there immediately and retrieve the canister and ensure its destruction!"

"Yeah, that might be a little bit of a problem. We had a glitch in our navigation system on our way home and, truth be told, we're not exactly sure where the galaxy was that we were in. We were able to find our way back, but all records of where the ship has been have been completely wiped out. But like I said, this galaxy was really out of the way. I don't think I could find it again in a hundred million years, even if we scoured the universe with our entire fleet."

"It just might come to that," Xprgh said. "If that canister touches down on that planet it will mean the end of everything. We most definitely can't let word of this leak out to the Lokzurians That would immediately destroy our peace agreement."