Not in the Same Way

Twenty Three

"She asleep?" Cal asks as I plop down next to him on the couch after getting Ava to bed.

"Yeah, hopefully she stays that way during your stream, I've got the monitor."

"She's a hard sleeper and I'll try not to turn the music up too loud."

"What time is it now?"

"It's like ten to nine, you gonna watch the other boys parts with me?"

"Yeah, I guess. I promised you I'd listen to the whole album."

He nods and shifts so that his arm is behind my head on the couch.

I'm not completely sure when my walls began to fall down around him, I'm not sure when my heart softened and I became ready to forgive him. The way he'd been with Ava and me since I had moved in had changed things and I did actually begin to see him in a new light. He's not perfect but then again, neither am I.

"Ash is getting set up, he was gonna try and put us all in the live at the same time but he couldn't get it to work so it's just gonna be him to start out without an introduction from all of us or anything."

I nod and try not to let my nerves show as his hand slips to my shoulder.

"You okay?" he asks.

I nod quickly trying to distract my thoughts from worry about what this new album might hold. I know a lot of it will resonate with me personally and I'm not sure how to feel about that.

"You gonna show your face in my part of the stream?" He asks, biting his lip revealing his insecurity.

"Hell no. It's bad enough they know I'm here with you, I don't want to add fuel to the fire. Plus, it's supposed to be about you boys and the album tonight, I don't want to distract from that."

"Fair enough."

"Ash is on, you wanna listen?"

I nod.

"You know pretty much the whole first half of the album apart from the opener." He tells me and I settle in and close my eyes as I hear the song come through the speakers of Calum's laptop.

The song is so different than anything I've ever heard before from them. The lyrics are abstract and yet it paints such a clear mental image it's more of an experience than just a simple song.

"Shit, what a way to open the album." I say quietly after it finishes as the next song cues up.

"This shit seems awfully relevant now, doesn't it." I say looking over to him again. He sighs and drops his head back against the back of the couch.

Ashton lets the record play through Easier before he reappears and ends his stream so that Michael can join. He plays through Teeth which I've already heard and I gear myself up for the songs I haven't heard.

"Michael wants me to jump on with him for his part to talk about Wildflower." He says looking at his phone and I move to the end of the couch so I won't be on his screen as moves his phone to the camera can see him for the live.

"Hey Cal!"

"Hey man, congrats on the release brother."

"To you too. My computer is fucking up, do you have the album on vinyl?"

"Yeah mate, I got it set up we can play it from here." He says standing and turning it on.

The song I'd heard for the first time a few days ago plays through the speakers and Calum watches me out of the corner of his eye. He's nervous about me hearing the rest of the album I can tell and that in turn makes me nervous to hear it.

"Next is Best Years, Luke wrote this one with help from Calum and the running joke is that we're gonna play it at my wedding."

"Yeah mate, when I think of this song I think about you and Crystal at your wedding and at this point I think you have to do it."

"Crystal said she was fine with it, so I'm down. Play it."

Cal repositions the needle on his record player and the song fades in softly,

You've got a millon reasons to hesitate
but darling the future's better than yesterday
I wasted so much time on people
who reminded me of you
Gave you a millon reasons to walk away

I let the lyrics wash over me and can't help the tears that form in my eyes.

I glance over to Cal to find him already nervously looking over to me.

I'm still not fully recovered from the sweet sentiment of the song when they move on to the next one entitled not in the same way.

Not today, mascara's running
down your face again
I can feel it coming it down on me
Hurricane insert name
We're good at this game, game

We fuck, then we fight, then you call me a psycho
I walk out the door, but you won't let me let go
Turn right around, throw rocks at your window
But I can't forget you and I'll always let you

It's all so personal, so obviously and completely about us that I don't even know how to rationalize our relationship being so unapologetically broadcasted like this.

I knew the songs would hint at our problems, but I hadn't expected them to be so entrenched in the things we'd been through in the past year.

One after another the songs fill the room. Calum says goodbye to Michael but stays on the live as Luke comes on.

They work their way to the last song and I feel the tears slipping down my face as the album wraps up and he says his goodbyes to Luke and those on the stream.

He clears his throat as he sets his phone down on the table and looks up to me.

His eyes settle on me, an unreadable look on his face as we sit in the silence each too timid or scared to speak first.

So um, did you like it?" He asks softly, his voice is raspy.

"I, um...I guess I just wasn't expecting it."

"I didn't write them all alone of course but the bits about us, it's....it's all just supposed to be an apology."

He stands halfway to slide down the couch so that he's sitting beside me, our thighs touching and his arm thrown over the back of the couch, his body tilted towards me as his misty eyes stare into mine.

Both of our apologies pass between us in the silence. We've left a lot of things unspoken but we both seem content to leave the past in the past and move forward, at least I hope that's how he feels as it's how I do.

I lean forward, knowing I have to be the one to show the initiative, he's been the one moving us forward, now it's my turn.

My lips meet his and my hesitancy disappears as my lips meet his soft, plump, pink ones. He seems surprised but only for a moment before his hand moves off the back of the couch to tangle in my hair.

If he wants a second dance, he's got it.

An: AHHHHH y'all ready for some smut bc it has been a minute *cue gasps 😱😱😱*

What'd you think?

Will it really be that easy?

What could mess them up as they move forward?

Let me know!

Ily
Sav 🖤