Cured [ManxMan]

Chapter Five

Mattie laughed, choking on the short sound. "You probably don't understand anything I'm saying, do you? You were him once, but he's been gone for years, and you're just what's left. I don't know why I'm here. I guess I just... needed to be sure." He took a deep breath, wiping at his cheeks with rough motions before his tears could fall. "I hate... I hate what's happened to you, and I hate that Kiara is just... drawing it out. I'm sorry." He paused, his hands shaking as he wiped more furiously, but the tears were coming faster, and he couldn't keep up. "I'm so sorry, Topher, I--" He cut off, whatever else he was going to say catching in his throat, and he turned away. Two steps and he was back in the doorway, bracing himself there as he reached for the door to shut it behind him.

He was going to leave. Mattie was going to leave, and he wouldn't be back, I was sure of that. I would never see him again. And... that thought scared me. Why did that scare me? The monitor's beeping accelerated. I'd been struggling to breathe before, but somehow it became even harder, my breaths coming faster and catching in my throat. I could barely see him anymore, the door closing, my chance to make him stop fading away.

I had to stop him. I had to make him stay. But I couldn't form thoughts through the panic, the fear that this would be the last time I would ever see him. So when I called out to him, when I begged for him to stop, all that came out was a wordless shout, the sound raspy from all the hours spent screaming.

Mattie paused, one hand still on the doorknob, the other braced against the door frame. He didn't turn, didn't acknowledge me, but the door stayed open, the opportunity still there. This was my chance, my last chance, but I didn't know what to do to make him stay. What more was I supposed to do? I was alive, I was here, I was fighting. I cried out for him, the only way I knew to ask him to stay.

The world blurred, and for a moment, I saw another scene, another Mattie with his back to me, a different Mattie... leaving me. This... this had happened before. I couldn't remember when, or why, couldn't remember what had happened, but... this was not the first time I'd watched Mattie walk away and thought I would never see him again.

Our time is already up. Please, let me finish this my way.

Something surged in me, some feeling stronger than the pain, than the fear and the confusion. And I knew what would make him stay.

I didn't know how long it had been since I'd last spoken. Probably when I was still human, however long ago that was. But I found I knew how my lips and jaw and tongue were supposed to move together, what the words would feel like leaving my mouth.

"Our time... is not up. I'm... not finished... yet."

At the first word, Mattie tensed, his silhouette taller as he straightened, pushing off from the doorway. By the end, he had turned, his face unreadable in the darkness, but I could feel his gaze on me. I wished I could be what he wanted to see. I wished I was the man I used to be, but I wasn't. I was what remained, and what remained still needed him. But it was his choice. I couldn't make him stay.

He pushed the door open, but didn't move from the doorway. His hands shook at his sides, the tremors running up his arms as he stood frozen, indecisive. He swayed in place, forward, then back.

And then, all at once, he was in motion, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. Without the square of light from the hallway it was even darker, so it was difficult to make him out as he strode around the bed to my left, where the hard, wooden chair usually occupied by Kiara sat. Mattie collapsed into it, his head turned away. He swiped at his face, sniffling, but he didn't speak.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to console him, wanted to tell him things would be okay. I wanted to reach for him, wanted to pull him close and hold him against me, so he could feel I was still here, so I could wipe his tears and take away his pain.

But I couldn't do any of those things. My words had fled with my strength, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. Besides, what would I say? That I would get better, that I would remember all the things I'd forgotten since I'd been a zombie? That things would go back to however they used to be? Even if I could have formed the words, I wouldn't lie to him. I didn't know what came next. But I knew I was stronger with him next to me.

He wouldn't look at me. He didn't speak to me. He sat in that chair, feet away from me, but he didn't feel any closer than he had been when he was in the doorway, or in the hall, or somewhere else in the humans' base, far away from me.

But he was here. He chose to stay. If I wasn't restrained, if I wasn't so weak, I could reach out to him. I could touch him. And that was enough. For now, that was enough. 

Posted: 4/19/2020

Word Count: 1691

I keep thinking my chapters are going to get longer and they somehow get shorter, as if to spite me. It's rude. But I don't wanna fill just to take up more space, so it is what it is. I've already finished writing chapter six, but I'm lazy af and somehow the tiny amount of editing I bother to do takes up so much more brain space than writing, so I'll do it when I feel like. Also I'm writing faster than I'm plotting, so that's fine. Anyway, let me know what you think. :)

<3Koda