Ski Trip (Connor Murphy X Reader)

Why do you care?

Zoe and I went clothes shopping that day. Connor said he would rather stay at the cabin, and I was not able to get him to come with us. While I did have fun, I could not help the worry that was bubbling in my gut for the majority of the day. He had free days for nearly a week at that point, so it was not like he was burned out. I was worried that he was not doing too good, but decided to ask about it when I was able to get him away from everyone else. 

Much to my disappointment, I was not able to get him alone during the day. Cynthia insisted on a family game night, though it was really a family and a half. After a long day of wanting to talk to Connor, and not being able to, it was time for bed. Zoe fell asleep during the games, and we all collectively decided to just let her sleep, so it was just me and Connor in the bedroom that night. Finally, I was able to talk to him. 

When I came out of the shower and went to our room, I noticed that Connor was out on the balcony. I saw smoke, so I assumed he was smoking weed. 

"Hey, gonna share?" I said softly as I approached him. He jumped, relaxed when he saw it was me. 

"It's just you. Shit, I thought Zoe woke up and was about to nag me for smoking," He held a hand over his heart, and I laughed lightly.  He took the blunt from his lips, offering it to me. I put my hand up as a way of saying no, and he arched a brow.

"I actually don't think it's a good idea for me to smoke right now. You won't take me seriously,"

"Am I in trouble?" 

"Nah, I just want to make sure you're okay," He breathed in deeply, and let his smoke out slowly. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" Him saying that seemed more of a bitter thing, and it gave me the proof that I needed to let my suspicions out.

"Well, most people smoke when they're stressed, and here you are," He stared at the blunt between his fingers, almost angrily. "And I noticed that you don't want to do anything. You can't be burnt out, you've had almost a week of doing nothing," Connor pressed his back to the wall, his head leaning up as he closed his eyes. He looked troubled, but the moonlight shined on his face. He looked other-worldly at that moment. 

"You're right," 

"So... What's up?" Connor huffed, slumping his shoulders.

"Just... Being all cooped up in the same house as my family all the time is tough. I know...," He stopped to take a breather. "Being at the cabin is nice, but I know that right as we get back home. my family will be all on my case again. They all want vacation to be nice, so they bite their tongues, but it won't last," Connor sighed heavily, and it seemed like a weight was taken off his shoulders. He really did seem pretty stressed, and I felt bad for him. I placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"Connor, I want to stay in touch this time. If you need to get away from the house, you can come to mine. Dad wont care," Instead of the softened expression of gratitude or friendship that I expected, his eyebrows furrowed angrily.  His jaw clenched, the same for his fists, and I could visibly see his muscles tense. 

Shit.

"Why do you care?" He growled out, and I stepped away carefully, making sure that the way I stepped away did not seem out of freight, just caution. 

"I've known you for so long, Connor, of course I care. I always-,"

"Bullshit!" He started coming closer, and I backed up more, stepping into the room. "If you always cared, you would've always been there for me. You-you would've..." His voice started to break. His angry character started to crack. 

"Things were happening in my own life, too Connor. I had to find myself, help myself, before i could help anyone else," His eyes started to soften, but they became angry again. 

"What happened in your life that you couldn't be there for me? Do people at school call you a freak? A stoner? Huh?" His voice was raising again. It was times like that I was glad that the walls were built with bricks and covered by wood, because no one could hear his yelling other than me. It would have been a terrible thing for someone else to walk in on. It was something between Connor and I, and someone else witnessing it would ruin it. 

"Con, I-I never did too well mentally, either. I was fighting my own demons. No, they didn't call me freak. They called me loser. Loner. Creep," I made sure to keep my voice steady despite how thinking back to those times was painful. This was about Connor, not me. 

"Then-Then..." Connor stared wide-eyed at his shaking hands. 

"Connor, I want to help you. I understand at least some of what you're feeling. I can help. I want to-,"

"Why do you care!" He had a large outburst, but right after, his voice softened. "Why do you care? Why do you..." His eyes shot to me. "Why do you care?" His voice was loud, but not yelling. 

"I care about you, Connor. I really, really care about you,"

"Why do you care? You shouldn't care! I'm a terrible person! Look, I'm screaming at you? Why won't you leave?" Connor started to pace towards me again, angry. 

"I told Zoe on the first day, Connor, you won't snap at me! You never have! If you want me to go, snap at me!" A nasty smirk etched its way on Connors face. 

"Gladly," He pushed me, hard, into the wall. After, he rushed towards me and pinned me. His hand tightly knitted in my hair, pulling my head against the wall uncomfortably, but not painfully. 

"Not good enough," I said loudly as he exhaled sharply from his nose, then growled. 

"What? You want me to punch you? Choke you?" He said, matching my volume. 

"Whatever you need to do to calm down so we can talk about this," I said calmly, but loudly. His eyes widened, and tears started to stream from them like waterfalls. His hand in my hair retreated, and he walked backwards slowly as he stared at me. 

"Why. Why? Why do you-," His voice cracked, and he sobbed. "Why do you care? After I-I snapped. You-You still care," He was near the bed, and I approached him carefully. "Why do you care?" I softly pressed on his chest. making him sit on the bed. He scooted back, trying desperately to get away from me, but he was shaking too much and flailed his arms around more than moved himself. 

I crawled up to him, partially over him as he sat up and looked at me with terrified looking eyes. I placed my hand on his cheek, and look into his eyes to wait for some sort of sign it was alright to continue. His eyes softened slightly, but he still shook. Finally, thinking there was no way I was going to get something more than that, I leaned in.