𝑸𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆 [𝒍𝒓𝒉]

22 | talk

Song of the chapter: voodoo doll - 5sos

This chapter is dedicated to melissaxx5 <3

☆☆☆

"There's nothing to talk about", I said, swallowing the knot that was about to form in my throat.

"Nothing to talk about?", he raised his voice, still in whisper tone so no one else could hear what he said, "you kissed me, Jade"

"Shhh", I drowned him out, giving in and pulling him into my room, quickly closing the door, before anyone else in the house could notice.

We were standing next to my bed, facing each other. From the moment he came in, it was like I stepped out of my body, giving the control to someone else – him. I fought against it, knowing that I couldn't let the day before yesterday repeat itself.

"Why did you run away?", he started the conversation, "I kissed you back"

"Because-", I stopped, searching for the right words.

"Didn't you feel it too?", a flinch of sadness was flashing through his eyes.

"Of course I did...", I replied, turning my head to the floor so that he didn't see the tears that were running down my face.

I had felt it, it was impossible not to feel it too and I felt it now again. I could feel the tension between us, that worked like two magnets trying to bring us together. I desired his arms around my chest, holding me tightly and pressing a kiss on my forehead. Believe me, if I say that there was nothing that I wanted more in this very moment and it hurt to know that I couldn't have it.

I felt his index finger underneath my chin, lifting my head a few inches so that I was forced to look into his eyes.

"Then what's the problem?", he wondered shaking his head in confusion.

Trapped under his spell, I was unable to speak. I got lost inside of his eyes, the blue that had quickly become my favourite colour in the past few days and the shine they always carried around even though I knew he was only shining on the outside. They pulled me in a magical ban, I couldn't escape.

This time it was him who leaned in, shortening the distance between us, alternately looking from my eyes to my lips. I didn't dare to look at his lips, knowing that there was nothing holding me back if I did. Before his lips could touch mine, I turned my head away.

"This is wrong", I mumbled.

"What is wrong about two people liking each other?", he questioned, trying to grab my hand, but I pulled it away.

"Everything is wrong about it", I asserted, ignoring the sting in my heart that was hurting like hell.

"You're Calum's best friend, I'm not supposed to like you", I added emphatically, "I can't risk your friendship."

"I'm sure he'd under-", he cut me off.

"No he wouldn't", I said upset, "he would be angry at both of us. The only guy he ever allowed me to date was Mason, I'm sure he'd rip your head off if he knew what already has happened between us"

"But he knows that I'd never hurt you", he tried to find reasons for me to say yes.

"Please Luke, don't make it any harder for me than it already is", I finally managed to look back at his face, but it was a mistake.

The expression on his face as he said, the next sentence tore my heart into a thousand little pieces.

The corners of his mouth were turned upside down and his eyes became a glossy shine as if he was about to cry.

"Please don't push me away", he begged, his voice breaking into a weak whisper.

"I don't want to", I kept the tone low, in order to calm us both down, but I knew that it didn't help with that, "but I have to."

He closed his eyes slowly, the moving of his eyelids pushing a tear out of his eyes and stepped back.

"Okay", he said quietly, "whatever you say."

He turned around, leaving my room, leaving me behind like a little kid, whose parents forgot to pick it up, the emptiness in my chest feeling bigger than ever. I let myself fall onto the floor, my arms gripping around my knees and began to snob noisily, hoping that no one could hear me cry.

I felt worse than I ever had before in my life and it felt like I had just broken up with a boy I hadn't even been dating. But I think the pain that was worse than my broken heart was to know that I hurt Luke. I was the reason for his current sadness and to have this responsibility laying on my chest was just too much.

I laid down, facing the floor and hoped that it would finally stop. I wished nothing more than that I would wake up to find out that the past two days hadn't happened, giving me the chance to do it better. To go at the beach with Luke, but returning to our home before the kiss could happen, preventing the whole drama that was going on at the moment.

It was odd because even though I knew that I did the right thing, it didn't feel like it at all.

I had done what saved the most relationships, but didn't listen to what my heart told me to do and ruined my whole happiness.

But if I truly did what was best, why did it hurt so much?

☆☆☆

No Juke yet, I'm sorry😳

This is quite short - ops