He never thought he would fall in love with his best friend.
It wasn't something he suddenly realized one day. It was a feeling that crept up on him, day by day, little by little, until he realized he was irrevocably in love with her. It came in the form of a little extra warmth when she touched him, the longing to stare at her a teeny bit longer and the need to see her at all times, to make sure she was smiling and safe. When she was not in his sight, his thoughts were consumed by her. He knew it was happening, and even tried denying it at first, but that just resulted in his emotions welling up. So, he allowed himself to feel it. All of it. Even at the cost of him getting hurt.
He was lounging around his bed one day when he heard the door bell ring. He groaned, cursing the person on the other side of the door. Did they have to come at this time, when his parents and siblings were out and he was the only one to open the door?! Trying to give as much grief as he could, for disturbing his 'lazy time', as he liked to call it, he shuffled slowly towards the door. He was all geared up to tell the person off.
But as soon as he opened the door, before he could even register their face, he was engulfed by arms around his waist, soft brown hair in his face and the familiar scent around his nostrils. His bad mood flew out the window, replaced by a deep warmth.
"Oof!" he exclaimed, pushed back a few steps due to the force of the hug.
The arms just tightened around him. He couldn't see her face but knew, with a clarity that came with being around her for years, that something was terribly wrong. Trying to make eye contact, he peeled his best friend off him.
"Hey, babe," he said gently.
They called each other everything from asshat to sweetheart, the sweeter of the endearments reserved for either extremely sarcastic or absolutely serious moments.
"Hey, Cam. You okay?" he tried again.
She pulled back enough to look at him, her hands now clutching the sides of his hoodie. Her red eyes were filled with unshed tears.
His heart clenched at the look of her so broken hearted. He took her hand and guided her to his room. "OK, spill."
"He..." she sniffled, "he cheated on me."
He got a headache just thinking about that sorry excuse of a boyfriend of hers. Well, now ex. He had gotten an off vibe from him as soon as Cam introduced them. He was too sweet, too doting, all for the wrong reasons. He was secretly glad this was over, not only because of his feelings for her but also because he thought she deserved so much better than that douche-bag.
Of course, he didn't say all this to her now; she needed someone to be there for her, not say I told you so. So, he pulled her close and looked her straight in the eyes. "Cam, listen to me. He doesn't deserve your tears so please don't cry over him. Hell, he doesn't even deserve you. Period. You deserve so much better, babe. Please don't waste your time or tears over that guy. He is not worth it."
She must have sensed the sincerity in his words, because she wiped her tears and nodded. He was always awed at how strong this girl was, even after all these years. She said, "I know. I mean, I'm not sad specifically because of him. It's just that –" she sighed, her gaze moving to the sky through the window. He took the opportunity to admire her flush face.
Call him a creep but he had and always would take advantage of such small moments.
She continued, "It's just that sometime I wonder why I can't keep a relationship. You know what happened the last two times. Admittedly, I wasn't in love, but I could have, you know. I could have fallen in love, if only I was given a chance. But none of it ever lasted more than a few months. Like they couldn't wait to get rid of me. And that got me thinking: what's the problem here? Obviously, it's me, since this is not happening for the first time. But what was wrong with me really? Why don't guys wanna be with me? Am I that horrible of a person to hang out with?"
He knew she was rambling, the grief removing all the filters from her mouth and his heart ached to know she thought so low of herself. Indulging in self pity was rare for Cam; she simply refused to. She was the kind of person to be fiercely herself and to look at the good things in others, including herself. She refused to let others put her down and was a breath of fresh air to anyone going through a hard time. This was the lowest he had seen her and he was floundering as to what to do. Usually, it was he who needed all the comforting.
He let her go on, hoping it helped.
Her tone turned bitter. "I try so hard to be the best, to give them all they want, to be there for them every time they need someone, and still!" She wiped her tears in frustration. "And if that's not enough, what else can I do for them? What else do they want? I just don't get it."
She turned towards him suddenly. "What if I can't find love? What if I will be alone forever, having to satisfy myself with passing relationships? What if no one finds me worthy enough to love?" Her eyes shone with new tears.
He took her hands in his, scooting closer. "Cam, nothing of that sort will happen. All those guys are idiots not to see your worth. You are literally the best person I have ever met, and that's not just because you are my best friend," he said earnestly.
"Then why can't you date me?"
He froze, thinking he must have heard that wrong. He opened his mouth to reply, then closed it, not knowing what to say. He found it difficult to organise his thoughts to form a coherent sentence.
She cracked a smile through her tears at his reaction. "I was just kidding."
He let out a breath, both relieved and disappointed. He actually thought this was going somewhere for a second there. Was hoping so. But at the same time, he didn't want that to affect their friendship. He valued her too much to lose her now.
He had tried so hard to mask his feelings for her for the last couple years. Not a single other soul knew. And he wasn't planning on letting anyone know, either. He knew their friends; word traveled too fast.
Her smile turned to a grin. Her face was a sight to see, he thought. With flushed cheeks, a red nose, tear stained face and no makeup, he thought she couldn't get any more beautiful.
His heart filled with an overwhelming sense of adoration.
Her grin turned to a sharp laugh, before she was full blown laughing, wiping away the rest of the tears. "Dude, you should have seen the look on your face!"
"Glad to be of entertainment to you," he replied dryly. He was more than glad that he made her laugh, even at the cost of his own embarrassment.
She heaved a long sigh. "Might as well start collecting cats."
"I will help you look for them," he grinned.
She poked her tongue at him like the child that she was. "You are supposed to console me, asshole, not encourage this behavior."
He shrugged, "You interrupted my lazy time; you deserve it."
Her mouth dropped open in mock horror. "Well mister, if that's the case, I am going to take a nap here and you can go back to your oh-so-important lazy time."
"As you say, my lady."
She threw a pillow at him before setting down comfortably into his bed. He was about to leave, looking for something else to occupy his time when she called to him softly, "B."
"Yeah?" he turned to look at her. She held out her arms. His traitorous stomach gave a flip, knowing exactly what she wanted. He knew this meant nothing to her - they have napped and slept together so many times before – but every time it happened, he grew dizzy with happiness.
Only problem was, moments like these made it harder to ignore his feelings for her.
He slid under the covers beside her. She cuddled closer, her whole body pressed against him. He heard her breathing even out as he closed his eyes, contentment coursing through his body.
His lazy time couldn't have gotten better.
***
