𝑸𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆 [𝒍𝒓𝒉]

19 | Waste the night

Saturday, day 20,

The next few days passed quite fast.

Calum and Luke had changed into Calum, Luke and Jade and I was more than happy about it. It was a win-win situation for me. This way I could spend time with my brother again and things between us started to feel like they used to. We had caught up on everything that we had missed in the past years and everything was going great.

The other win I got out of this trio was that I had a reason to spend time with Luke without anyone questioning it. Lately I had been thinking a lot about him. Especially since the night we both drank too much tequila.

He was just always there. Of course, this was also because he was still staying with us but even when he wasn't in the same room as I was, I desired to be near him. I didn't know where that came from or why I suddenly craved his closeness but at the same time I didn't mind it. Whenever we all did something together, I couldn't help but feel better.

Sometimes I caught myself staring at his beauty and quickly turned my head that was feeling intensely heated to the ground before anyone could notice. And sometimes he would look too, sending me a cute smile, making me go weak at my knees.

I knew this feeling too well and deep down I knew the reason why I all of a sudden had problems to find the right words when I was in a conversation with him, but I didn't want to believe it at the time. So I ignored the way I felt when we accidentally touched hands or when he gave me a friendly embrace and continued as usual, being the nice but also sometimes "mean" (as Calum and Luke call it, but I'd say I'm just honest) friend I was and told myself many times, that the blond boy was only my brother's best friend and nothing more.

Oh, and by the way, Luke and I finally started writing the song, or to be more specific, he had a brilliant idea and I did nothing more but agree on everything he said.

We worked a lot on it, but I didn't mind it at all. I liked the way his eyes lit up when he came up with a new suggestion and proudly presented it to me. This mostly happened when I was already laying in my bed, ready to sleep. He then stormed into my room with Calum's guitar in his hand and showed me the changes he made, before he realized that I was only half awake and apologized with a guilty look on his face for waking me up.

I always told him that it was fine and that I couldn't sleep anyway. I still had troubles falling asleep and didn't manage to sleep through the whole night. Talking to Luke about our song really helped me with that. Sometimes he'd stay for a bit longer and played one song after another, singing along until I finally fell asleep.

Even though I was happy, the feeling of suffocating became worse every day. It was as if I was trapped and the walls of my home slowly turned into a prison. I know it sounds dramatic, but it was just the way I felt. Never in a million years, I would have thought that it'd be so hard to stay under quarantine.

I was lucky that I had quite a big family and that always something was going on but all I wanted to do is go out for an ice cream or for a walk at least. I hadn't left the house once in the last twenty days and I was starting to get crazy.

But not only me, the tension in the whole house began to rise day by day. My parents stared to fight several times a day about things that didn't even matter, and Anastasia always came to my room, crying her eyes out when that happened. I then had to tell her that everything was fine, and she didn't have to be afraid of their fights.

"Adults fight a lot about stupid little things", I said, "it's just their way of showing that they care."

She looked at me with big sad eyes: "But that doesn't make any sense."