I Think I Love You | Randy

track 21. heroes - david bowie

She gave me a sympathetic look, moving round to hug me from behind. "It's not stupid."

I smiled up at her. "You've been amazing, you know?"

She brushed me off. "Blame it on being the oldest kid in a foster home. I always go into mum-mode in a crisis."

My mind travelled back to Sonny again. The sense of worthlessness he'd described feeling that had almost made me feel bad for him. "What was it like? Your childhood?"

Olivia sat down opposite me, a mug of tea in her hands. "It was what it was," she shrugged. "Too many kids in the house for my foster parents to keep track of even if they wanted to. Most of my siblings went down pretty dark paths."

"Like Sonny?"

"Not at first." A sad smile appeared on her face at the memory. "He used to follow me around like a little puppy. He did musical theatre with me when I first discovered it. We'd sing Wicked duets on the way home from school..." she trailed off and I laughed lightly, having trouble picturing Sonny the Essex bad boy belting out show tunes.

"So he didn't stick with it?"

"No," she shook her head sadly. "The theatre community always kept me sane but eventually Sonny got tempted by money like his brothers did. The drug game's pretty alluring to a kid whose always had nothing. And it was always his plan to get himself a good education and get out eventually, and he's trying but... they don't let people out that easily."

Suddenly I felt rather ashamed of the way I'd judged Sonny, realising my jealousy had gotten in the way of my usual empathy. Of course Rye with his big old heart had seen it from the start, but I had simply crafted a narrative for myself to support the anger I was feeling. My assumptions had been right about the troubled life Sonny lead, but it was apparent now why Rye had not seen that as an acceptable reason to stay away from him. After all, Olivia came from the same background, and I was already infinitely grateful that she had come into my life. As uncomfortable as it was, I had to come to terms with the fact that my problem with Sonny had never been about him as a person, but instead had everything to do with Rye's inexplicable attraction to him.

Brook was next to rise, Olivia offering up her seat to him while she went back into the kitchen to brew fresh teas. Words escaped the both of us as we stared at each other from across the table, a few long moments passing where neither of us could find where to begin.

"How is Jack?" I broke the silence first, Olivia looking over from the kettle to listen in.

"He's going to be okay," Brook answered, making me sigh in relief. "I'll need to keep a close eye on him but to be honest he's been through worse before."

"Okay, good," I nodded, the awkward silence temporarily resuming. Olivia placed a cup of tea in front of Brook.

"I'm gonna get ready in the bathroom," she announced, meaning she was giving us our time alone. Brook started speaking as soon as the door closed behind her.

"You really should have called me straight away, you know?"

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "He was so insistent."

"I know, he told me," Brook said. "So even though you should have called me... it was really great how you looked after him. He's been a dick and you didn't have to do that."

"I did it for you," I told him honestly.

"Andy..."

"Hey," I interrupted, taking his hand. "You don't have to explain anything."

"You're such a good guy, Andy."

"But you're in love with him. It's okay. I have a feeling we work better as friends." We smiled at each other.

"Jack feels bad for how he acted, you know? He actually does like you." I arched a sceptical brow at the claim. "Okay, well he definitely doesn't hate you."

I laughed. "That's progress, I guess."

***

"Hey," I poked my head round my bedroom door as I knocked. Jack sat up cross legged on my bed.

"Hey," he said.

"How are you?" I asked, taking a seat in front of him.

"You gotta stop being nice to me," he smirked. "It's well weird."

"How about a truce just for today then?" I suggested.

Jack grinned. "I can handle that."

"I just came to say you can borrow whatever you need from the closet. Brook will get it all back to me."

"Thanks." I got up again, not feeling the need to linger and make an already awkward situation more awkward, certain Jack would be as eager as I was to forget this whole thing ever happened.

"Andy-" he stopped me, making me turn around again.

"You don't have to say anything."

"No, I think I do." He stood up, making his way over to me, taking in a deep breath before he spoke. "I'm sorry for everything, man." There was strain in his voice but the apology felt sincere all the same. "Not just for last night but the other day and before that as well. You didn't deserve that."

I shrugged. "I maybe deserved a little bit of it."

He shook his head no. "Na... look, feeling the way I was feeling for Brook was weird for me. The whole past year's been weird for me actually, and you've probably noticed I'm not the best at socialising."

"You could be better at that, yeah."

He let out a self-conscious chuckle. "I know it's not an excuse for how I've acted, but I was in a bad place. Still kind of am, clearly, but... I hope we can be friends."

"Really?" I genuinely hadn't expected this, anything beyond an uncomfortable apology not anything I could have foreseen.

"I get it if you don't want that."

"No, no, it's just... unexpected," I told him, processing the word like I'd never heard it before. "Friends. Yeah."

I held my hand out for a handshake, Jack officially breaking my surprise parameter when  he pulled me in for a hug instead. After taking a couple of moments to get past the shock of what was happening, I cautiously wrapped my arms around him as well. My eyes were wide when we pulled away, Jack's expression turning sheepish.

"Um..." he began.

"We don't have to tell anyone about this."

"Cool."

Olivia gathered us all together in the living room once we were all dressed and ready. It was strange to see all three of them wearing different variations of my own clothes, since no one had been home and all our costumes were kept at the theatre.

"Right," Olivia said. "Are we doing this?" We all exchanged looks.

"I don't want Jack to feel too pressured right now," Brook said.

"I'm fine," said Jack.

"I still don't know what's going on with Rye," I mumbled, glancing down at my phone.

"Guys," Olivia said, making us all look at her. "What is the number one rule in theatre?" We all met her with blank stares, her eyes rolling when no one replied, so she answered the question herself. "The show must go on."

I looked at Jack and Brook.

"I mean, them's the rules," Jack said.

"We have worked our asses off," Brook added reluctantly. All eyes turned on me.

"I'm in if you all are."

"Fuck yeah!" Olivia grinned. "Hands in."

We all did as she told, stacking our hands in the centre of our circle.

"Let's go put on a fucking show!" Jack exclaimed. "Evan Hansen on three!" All of our faces broke out into smiles as we counted together.

"One, two, three..."

A/N: a bit filler this one but kinda needed everyone to patch their shit up bc guess who's coming back next chap? 😏