the anatomy of love [BxB] COMPLETED

14

"What the fuck is taking so long Jackson? Open your eyes first then maybe you can see where the hell your phone is."

"Just shut the fuck up Hunter and give me a second. My phone got lost in the sheets." Jackson finds the phone and opens his eyes to stop the alarm. He sighs and curses again under his breath.

"I mean, what the fuck?" Hunter says in disbelief, and huddles back under the covers, shaking his head. Maybe Jackson's tired, or jealous that Hunter gets to sleep, or the hangover has muddled the filter between his thoughts and his mouth, that prompts the next words to be said.

"You know, unlike you, whose whole identity revolves around being a dramatic, bitchy gay diva, some people actually have a life and accomplish things," Jackson says, and after he says the words out loud, he knows they sound so ridiculously stupid and immature, but at this hour and with this headache, he knows both of them will take it seriously.

Hunter sits up and stares at him with his mouth slightly open, hair mussed and eyeliner smudged. If Jackson didn't feel such anger and resentment towards him, he'd find his present look very hot.

After a beat of silence and a heavy, almost resigned sigh, Hunter speaks, his voice sad and hurt. "You know, I knew guys like you in high school. I bet you were very popular. I bet everyone loved you, and when you came out, somehow everyone loved you more. Well, when I came out, I was bullied. And I knew guys like you. And they weren't very nice to guys like me. They were actually the worst ones, because they saw in me everything they hated about the gay stereotype, the things they didn't want to be associated with."

"Hold on—"

"No. Let me finish. I'm proud of who I am, even if it's a stereotype, and because of it, I've become a stronger, more confident person. When I met you, I thought, never in a million years. But you were friendly and interested, and I took that as maturity. Turns out I was wrong. You're not proud of who you are, and you still see in me everything you fear about yourself and how others see you. And because of that insecurity, you won't let yourself fall in love. Jackson Cooper, afraid to fall. I hope you learn to love what it means to be gay, because if you don't, you'll live a very lonely life."

Jackson hears the words distantly, like a rock thrown into a lake, the ripples shimmering and then lying still. After a final shake of his head when Jackson says nothing, Hunter faces the opposite way and pulls the covers over his head. Only then does Jackson gather his belongings. He stops at the door, and considers a few sharp comebacks, but he's too late, the opportunity to reply passing long ago.

And, mostly, he's worried Hunter will hear the tears that choke his throat.

☆★☆

You're not proud of who you are...

Jackson runs the drill, feet flying around the cones, but his mind stays put in Hunter's room, pouring over the words he said as if they contain a hidden message he has to decode.

You won't let yourself fall in love...

The words stick in his mouth like a bitter aftertaste, but the meaning passes through like water, holding nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Jackson Cooper, afraid to fall...

Fall. Jackson's foot hits an uneven patch of turf and he flies forward in the most uncoordinated movement he has ever made, falling hard on his hip and groaning when the grass tickles his cheek.

"Are you okay?" he hears Caleb ask him, rushing over and out of breath. Jackson takes a few breaths before pushing himself off the ground. Coach notices the commotion and starts walking over.