The Lost Chapters: Romancing the Tragedian

Chapter 4

I WATCHED the sun as it slowly disappeared in the horizon. I hoped that it will find a reason to come back again tomorrow as the morning comes. How I love to appreciate the small things for these are the reason why big things are growing.

Pinalaki ako ni Nanay na hindi tumatalikod sa maliliit na bagay na naging sanhi sa kung ano ako ngayon. Tinuruan niya akong hanapin ang kabutihan at kagandahan sa lahat ng bagay, gaano man ito kalaki o kaliit.

I was raised by my mom with that teaching but why cannot I apply it today? Nahihirapan na akong hanapin ang positibong bahgi ng bawat negatibong mayroon ang buhay ko.

I admit, I was once a fanatic of romances and happy endings but when I found it nothing in me, I started to disbelief. I will sound hypocritic if I do.

Sabi nga sa kanta ng Paramore, "I'll never sing of love if it does not exist." Same thing goes with me. As the workshops always teaches us, never write what you do not know.

Eh ano bang alam ko sa pagmamahal? Malamang sa malamang, isusulat ko kung anong alam ko, isusulat ko ang pait ng pag-ibig na mayroon ako.

"Maybe you need more vacation, eh?" I was taken aback by his presence. I was about to stand up but internally forced to stop because he sat beside me. I gulped to pull my strings together. I felt him near and a certain shattering feeling crept inside me.

"Hello Ms. Sella of Aspiring Wordsmith or should I say, Roseate."

He still knows me this much eh? He knows my penname in AWPH, and even my antique nickname. It has been a decade since the last time that we met, he still cannot forget.

"Lancet." I never intended to sound so longing for him.

Napalingon ako sa kaniya at doon ko nakita ang pagkakatitig niya sa akin. May tumatakbo sa isip niya na pawang dahilan kung bakit siya nangingiti ngayon. Napabuntong-hininga siya.

"I would never forget the most gorgeous lady, ten years ago, in her cocktail dress, saying, 'I really, really love you Lancet De Villenas'."

Parang gusto ko na lang na magpalamon sa buhanginan ng Siargao. Hanggang ngayon pala, naaalala pa rin niya ang desperadang Rosella Gonzaga na nagsabi sa kaniya ng mga katagang iyon.

"What's with it Lancet?" I innocently asked. "Hindi mo matanggap na hindi totoo ang mga sinabi ko noon?"

He chuckled like he does not really believe me. "Hindi nga ba?" He is always good in mockery. "I doubt that Rosella. It was a talk in the town that a Gonzaga admires a De Villenas, means you love me."

Hindi naman ako nagpapatalo sa isang tulad ni Lancet. "Take note, I 'loved you. Past tense na Cet." Muli siyang natawa sa sinabi ko. "But of course, if you haven't moved on, I can adjust," I said jokingly.

"Huwag," agad niyang pag-alma. "Ako na ang mag-a-adjust ng feelings."

I felt the awkwardness the moment he spilled that joke, if it was a joke, of course. I don't want to bring back every pain that we had before just to continue what we have today. Oh, I forgot, we already lost 'us' before.

So young, so wild, so free, so dumb, all of the bliss and taken risks are scrapped because of our honest mistakes. Why am I even explaining? It already reflected in my writing.

Minutes have passed and we remained quiet while the sun slowly sets. I remembered how we used to do this, on the same place, on the same spot on the same coast.

Lancet and I are more than what friends are supposed to be. We had a colorful history. We shared each other's edge of seventeen that only the both of us knows.