Orphan

Triggers

Ran’s POV:

It still felt so surreal. We were a band now. We had all put a lot of effort into this. It had paid off. I’m really happy. This is something I really enjoy. I’m glad Tsugumi suggested it. Playing the guitar helps me destress.

I’ve been going to class. Thankfully, most of the kids left me alone. I still heard a few words being thrown at me, but they never said it to my face. I finally was able to concentrate. I was struggling to bring my grades up because I was so far behind. Sadly, they said I needed a tutor because of it.

The worst part was: none of my friends were allowed to fill that position. I was supposed to meet up at the library every day with a high school student. This wasn’t going to go well. I just know it. I don’t know how well I’ll be able to work with someone I don’t know.

It was my first day. The public library wasn’t crowded, as I expected. I nervously glanced around. I hope they’re here already. I just want to get this over with.

“Oh, Ran! You’re who I’m tutoring?”

It was… Lisa. Yeah. Well, at least I know her a little. She was really nice to me before. Maybe this won’t be so bad? I nervously smiled as she walked up to me.

“How have you been doing? Going to class now, right?” Lisa asked.

I nodded, “Y-yeah… I’m just behind everyone now…”

“Welp, I’m here to help. Let’s find a table and get to work, shall we?” Lisa smiled at me.

I felt calm around her. She just has that aura to her. Hopefully people that know me won’t say anything while she’s around. But, who knows. I don’t see anyone form school here right now, but that could easily change.

We took a seat at an empty table. I pulled out the worksheets I had been given. Lisa studied them for a bit. After a while, she set them down and we started. I really didn’t know much. She had to walk me through everything. I hate this. I feel like an idiot. But, she’s being really patient. I’m glad she isn’t yelling at me for taking so long.

“Alright. Well, an hour is up.” Lisa said.

Wait. Really? Jeez. Time really flew by. I guess I understand it a little bit better. I put away my things. I don’t think this tutoring thing is going to be that bad.

“So, any plans after this?” Lisa asked.

“No. There’s nothing going on tonight for me.” I replied.

Someone walked over to us. It was Yukina. I guess she and Lisa have something planned.

“This is who you’re tutoring?” Yukina glanced my way.

“Yep. Ran needs a bit of help. But, she’s a fast learner.” Lisa nodded.

I felt my face heat up. Why did she have to praise me in front of her? I’d have been fine if she just told me it alone. I don’t need this girl knowing these things.

“Couldn’t your parents help you?” Yukina asked.

“They’re always too busy…”

“What about your friends? How come they couldn’t do this?” Lisa questioned.

I froze up. I can’t tell her the truth. I’m not allowed to go to anyone’s house now. Not unless their parents get a criminal record check. And that takes a while. I’m pretty sure most of them have started the process but I have no idea how long the results will take.

I’d always rather work at home, but that’s just not possible. Everyone is so busy right after school that it wouldn’t work out. The library would be closed by the time we could study. It sucks. I wish I could be given time at school to do it. That would make this so much easier.

“We just can’t.” I said.

“Even if you couldn’t do it here, you could do it at home.”

We can’t, though. That’s the problem. I don’t want them to know.

“I can’t do that.” I stated.

“Why not? It’s not like you’re an orphan with no home.” Yukina said.

I know she meant nothing from it, but hearing those words hurt. It reminded me of what I’ve been through. The years I spent tortured at that orphanage.

“You aren’t one, right?” Lisa questioned, “I mean, it just seems weird your parents aren’t home enough and then you say you can’t have friends over.”

“I’m not an orphan!” I yelled and then ran off.

I sank onto a bench outside. I curled up and shoved my face into my knees. I know they didn’t mean to upset me… but it doesn’t change anything. It still hurts. I hate when people mention orphans. I hate it so much.

“Ran? What’s wrong?”

Looks like she chased after me. Great. This is just great.

“Did I say something wrong?” Lisa sounded worried.

“Please… just leave me alone…” I whispered, “I don’t want to talk.”

“Ran, please? I don’t like that you’re upset.” Lisa sat down beside me.

“You wouldn’t get it…”

“Are you an orphan? Did that make you upset?”

Oh… she’s here too…

“I’m not! I’m not an orphan!” I screamed.

“Ran, calm down. What did we say that made you upset?” Lisa tried to calm me down.

“I… I’m not… I’m not an orphan…”

I heard them start whispering to each other. I could make out some of what they were saying.

“Was… orphan… upset…”

“Ran, please tell us what happened? So we can avoid this in the future.” Lisa pleaded.

I shook my head. I stood up and ran off. I’m not telling them. I refuse. They don’t need to know any of this. I ran home and locked myself in my room. I hate this.

Why do I have these restrictions? I’m not a foster kid. I’m their kid, right? Only foster kids need those checks, don’t they? So why am I stuck getting them? I don’t get it…

Are mom and dad considering giving me away? Do they not want me? Was this never supposed to be my permanent home? Why don’t I ever get answers to these things. Why do I always find these out the hard way? Why?

I don’t want to face Lisa again. I know she’ll ask what’s going on. What am I supposed to say? I can’t just tell her the truth. What if she’ll judge me? I don’t want that.

I grabbed my guitar. Maybe playing will help? At least it’ll distract me for a while. That’s all I can do to avoid thinking about this.