I Think I Love You | Randy

track 18. lonely boy - andrew gold

"Sorry," I muttered, coming to my senses.

"Are you okay?" she probed gently. "Your eyes are all red."

"Just didn't get much sleep last night," I answered, not totally dishonestly. "Nerves, you know?"

She smiled understandingly. "Come on. I'll do your makeup for you."

I didn't have a good enough reason to refuse so I followed her to her dressing room, letting her sit me down on a beanbag while she sorted out her makeup supplies. I forced a smile when she turned on me with a brush, which she clearly didn't buy for a second.

"Are you sure it's just nerves that's bothering you? You've been kind of off all week." I bit my lip, feeling tears prick to my eyes just at the question, already having been lingering dangerously close to the surface.

"I don't know," I whispered.

"Andy." She looked me directly in the eyes. "Whatever it is you can tell me."

I considered her offer, torn on whether I should take it up. Of course I was reluctant to admit to her the details of the story that I wasn't proud of myself, not wanting to be judged and continuing to feel that if Brook didn't know then no one else should. But at the same time, I had so many bottled up emotions that I was on the edge of bursting, and confiding in someone with no direct involvement in the situation could be exactly what I needed. In the end it was too tempting to resist, my incoming onslaught of tears urging me to accept. "Okay," I said.

I told her everything. From Rye's friendship with Sonny, to my relationship with Brook.

"Sonny Robertson?" she interrupted when I brought up his name.

"Yeah. You know him?"

"Heard of him," she muttered. "Go on."

I continued to tell her about my old feelings that had arisen, the dark choices they had lead me to make on New Years Eve, and the subsequent revelations I'd found out about Jack and Brook. She listened silently the whole time, working on my makeup with gentle brushstrokes. I teared up when I reached the point of the story where Rye kissed me, and she delicately placed two cotton pads beneath my bottom eyelashes to catch the tears without ruining her work. She stroked my cheek when I had finished, holding my hand as I calmed down.

"I think we're gonna need the waterproof mascara, huh?" she said. I let out a sniffly laugh at that.

"Probably a good idea."

"You know I've done seven of these shows now," she began, rifling through her makeup bag until she found the mascara she was looking for. "There's always drama, but I have to say this one might take the cake."

"That's encouraging," I groaned. "Since you're the master, what do you think I should do then?"

"Well I think you and Brook need to let each other go for starters."

I wasn't expecting that considering she'd always been the captain of our ship up until this point. "Really?"

"Don't get me wrong, you're cute, and I think there is something good between you," she answered. "But maybe it's better as a friendship for now. At least while you both sort out whatever you've got going on with these other guys."

I nodded, seeing the logic in what she was saying. "That makes sense, I suppose."

"And as for the other guy," she went on. "I know you love him, but you've done all you can, Andy. I think you're just gonna have to wait for him to come back to you."

"But what if he doesn't?" I croaked out.

"Then you have to move on, love."

My heart was heavy with those words as we went into the rehearsal, because how was I supposed to move on from someone who had been a constant in my life for as long as I could remember? Even as I slipped into character I could feel the weight of those words, feeling them particularly heavily during one of my early solos.