Arcadia 11

Nineteen

Jackson's anger was silent. His entrance into the hospital room deathly calm, Jisoo had a steadying arm on the younger. The despair on his face was tangible to anyone who saw it. The man known for his bright smiles and large heart looked as though he were all but lost, the light in his eyes gone, leaving them empty except for the tears; he looked nothing like the man who had been on TV not even an hour before. Feeling a great sense of guilt and responsibility Jackson fell to his knees the moment he was within the confines of the room with the door clicking shut, his tears finally falling.

"Why..." His words small and but so many accusations behind it. "Why are you here?" He asked, dark eyes zeroed in on Jaebaum's hunched form. "How can you be here? This is..." He choked on a sob, "Because of you... Mark is fighting for his sanity." the heartache clear in his large brown eyes.

"Jackson..." Jisoo said, his words and actions meant to be comforting. Even if it was unwanted.

"No, you know as well as I do what he's done. Better yet, what he didn't do." Jackson accused, his anger present but voice still level. "I never should have left, I can't believe I was so stupid." Jackson seethed, his dark eyes were so full of hate and sorrow. There was no mistaking who he was directing this to, as he stood. "You promised to look after them. You told me I didn't need to worry about BamBam or Mark, if I find out BamBam hasn't been eating either..."

"I am so sorr-"Jaebum started his voice so small, so weak.

"No." Jackson cut off, not caring about the disrespect he was showing the elder. "You have no right to be here." He took a step forward, but found Jisoo's hand on his shoulder stopped the movement. Jackson looked between Jisoo and Mark's thin frame. Taking a deep breath before speaking he felt some of his anger leave him. "Just get him out." He whispered. The man he'd always shown respect, compassion, and support to had let him down so much worse than he'd thought possible. He had no more in him, he couldn't look at the man any longer.

Jisoo nodded, walking to where Jaebum sat. Taking his arm he gently helped him up. He led the young man out, looking over his shoulder to see Jackson had taken his place on the bed. Quietly whispering reassurances as he watched tears fall from his cat like eyes.

Waiting until the door clicked shut once more, Jackson broke down. "Oh Markie, this is all my fault." He cried, silent sobs falling from him as he tried to calm himself. There was nothing he could do now except take care of the elder and possibly never leave his side again.

It was silent in the room, except for Mark's breathing, the machines beeping, and Jackson's shuddering exhales. The silence allowing him to take in the state of his friend. Normally the quiet was calming, he even revelled in it. But this was not one of those times.

"You do know your anger is unneeded." Jisoo's calm voice cut in. "The poor man has already heard it from J.Y. Park-ssi and all of your mangers, hell I even lectured him when he first came in." Standing behind the younger he placed a hand on his shoulder.

Jackson only sat there, not acknowledging the elder's words. "But your guilt is also unnecessary, when you were called to do your solo work everything was fine, Mark had been going to his appointments, his weight was slowly rising, you had no reason to believe this would happen. You are not responsible for this outcome, no one is." He said, trying his hardest to comfort the male. His heart breaking at the pain all these men were going through, he couldn't even imagine how the rest were fairing.

"You don't understand." Jackson replied, his voice so small, it reminded the elder of a child's.

When he didn't finish that thought Jisoo nodded. "You're right, I don't." This confession getting a shocked look in return. "Help me understand, tell me why I should be as angry with you as I am with myself."

The wide eyes seemed to grow, his bottom lip quivering. Finding a companion to share his grief with. "He told me..." He began, voice heavy with emotion. Grabbing Mark's cold hand and drawing shapes on it with his finger, the action seeming to calm him down just a little. "He told me that he'd talked to Jaebum-hyung about his Little Space. Told me that he'd explained to Jaebum-hyung all the things that had been weighing on his mind and how hard it was for him recently. I took that to mean that Jaebum-hyung had actually listened." He let out a bitter chuckle. "I didn't think our fearless leader would be so ignorant to turn a blind eye to Mark's suffering, to his obvious pain. I was selfish when I decided to go work on Team Wang, I rationalized the fact Hyung would be there to take care of him, that he would be able to keep Mark from slipping further into his negative thoughts, or that if it got really bad he'd go to BTS since they had been taking care of him secretly for years. I never thought my leaving would cause him so much stress." He was cut off as more sobs fell from his lips, his eyes scrunched shut to block out the sight Mark's thin form laying on the bed.

"Baba?" A small voice asked, cutting Jackson and Jisoo's conversation short.