CAPIREZ - FanFiction

Chapter Twenty Seven

Hey! It's crazy that this story has been up for FOUR years and I haven't finished it. To be honest, I moved away, deleted the app to clear storage, life consumed me and I kind of just forgot. But I'm back now and I'm better than ever. I hope that my updates will do justice for your characters :) Thank you for reading these and for supporting my return. During quarantine, I am going to write like a maniac! I'll finish these stories and then I'll start a new one. I think we need some new Capmirez content once this is over!
Re read if you need to remember the plot!

Sara
Two months later

I know that I've been MIA, but I've been going through some shit. I'll update you with everything that has gone on during my time away from Grey's.

I haven't talked to Jessica in a few months. I've cut off ties with everyone on set, and I've been trying to surround myself with the LGBTQ homeless teen community with TR Knight.

I moved into a new apartment that's only a ten minute walk from our LGBTQ center, which has been really nice. I've also made new friends at my job, and I guess that you could say I'm happy.

I know what you're wondering. What about Jess? What about that fling you two had in your trailers for a few weeks? Well, I have to admit. What we had was real. It happened fast and it was crazy and chaotic but it was passionate and authentic. Not a day goes by where I don't wonder how she is, whether or not she's seen her kids, if she got back with her ex husband (the scumbag). But the truth is, I'm trying to move on. Dating a coworker is already messy, but with our situation, being coworkers was the least of our worries.

She has so many kids and if I were to just walk into their lives, they would be so confused. We have a fan base that would be confused because last time they checked, we were both straight and married. There would be articles online, accusing us of adultery. Magazines would have our faces on them. It would be a scandal and after losing my best friend, losing Ryan, and then losing Jess, I can't handle another scandal. I don't want anything dramatic anymore. I'm moving on and I am trying to be happy, even if I did love her. I couldn't take it.

There's also the fact that I didn't really date her. We had sleepovers in our trailers and we would flirt on set. We went to Disney Land. It was nothing more than a fling, and I won't pretend like it was as though we were in love or anything... At least that's what I've been trying to tell myself.

No matter what I say, it was real. I've never bonded with someone so genuinely in all of my life. Laying in bed with her in my pajamas and being able to stroke her jaw or kiss her on the shoulder was like waking up to an angel. She was so angelic and wonderful and beautiful. Damn, was she beautiful.

The love and the passion, that was real.

The logistics, that was the hard part. 

I couldn't imagine what would happen if we were to dedicate to being each other's partner. It would be so messy, and after my husband cheating on me and my best friend dying, I've had more than enough messy.

I do care about her. I think of her every day. Every night. And I try to convince myself that what we had wasn't real, when I know deep down that it was.

Something else that has been hard is since I've quit, I miss acting. I miss it SO much. I miss being in front of a camera and feeling alive. I miss Callie.

You won't want to hear this, but something that has filled a void in my heart is a special someone named Ramona. I met her a few weeks ago and we aren't serious, as I am not emotionally ready for serious. But we are having fun. She makes me smile and laugh. We do lighthearted things like bake cakes at two am and dance in the streets of LA when we've had too much wine at a restaurant. 

I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's true. I'm moving on, and I'm doing it with Ramona.