Pieces [ONC 2020 LONGLIST]

Kept the first for another day

"When I look for you you're not there, huh! I see how it is!" Against the silence of the night, screams of a desperate man echoed across the hills by the roadside. They were mine.

I'd never smoked before but at that moment I understood why people say 'I need a cig.' I wanted to pause my life, focus on the smooth inhale of tobacco and nicotine tucked in a slice of paper between my lips. Anything to keep my mind from returning to the house with a "sold" sign posted in the yard. 

It was a typical home with boring blue-grey paneling and a swing on the front porch. It was already dark when I arrived. The neighborhood was lit with a few streetlamps that reflected on all the manicured lawns. Tricycles and skateboards littered a few driveways. But nothing, no golden girl or any sting of a memory met me there.

Another car passed without stopping. They were busy living out their own story with no interest in the strange man who leaned against his car and stared into the dark.

"What, what do you want from me?" I asked.

Of course there was no reply. My throat tightened and stung like I was about to cry. I have to leave this here. This insane quest ends now.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to nothing. "I'm sorry for what I did to you. For whatever happened between us. Please..." I stopped. I had not right to ask the ghost to leave me in peace, to let me rest, to stay away and let me get back to a normal life. What more could I say? It's not like anyone's listening.

I wiped my nose with my hand and got back in the rental car. I had an hour and a half drive to get back home. That was plenty of time to find rational reasons for everything that'd happened to me. Maybe the house was just a good investment after all.

*****

Someone knocked on the door. "Delivery for Mr. Hale," a kid called from the hall.

"Unnngh," I grumbled in the morning light and threw on the shirt closest to me. Tugging it over my head I opened the door to a young, delivery kid with curly, black hair tucked under a baseball cap. He held out a box covered with pictures of ribbons and balloons and waited.

I blinked. "I didn't order anything."

"This is a gift," he answered cheerfully. I guess he hears that a lot. "Someone special scheduled it to be delivered today,"

"Thanks," I said still confused but took the box off his hands. He tipped his hat and sighed as he approached the stairwell. Yeah, I wish they'd fix the elevator too, bud.

Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it. The box had a see-through top. Inside was a blue and white cake, frosted like an abstract painting—is blue my favorite color?—with HBD scrawled in white icing on the bottom left. A small, folded card jammed in the middle had "Too young to be feeling this old" printed on the front. 

With a crooked smile I balanced the cake in one hand, flipped the lid, and pulled out the card. The card was covered with a handwritten note from the top to the bottom. I licked the icing from the top and read.

Seneca,
You'll always be older! ;) I'm so happy we get to take another jog around the sun together on this rock we call home. You're my best friend and I can't imagine my life without you. You encourage me in my writing, and inspire me to never give up no matter how tired I get. Even though the path ahead of us is unfamiliar and frightening, I'm the luckiest person on the planet because

Frosting covered the bottom lines. Is Thresh secretly this poetic? I wondered and licked the card again.

I get to walk it with you.

I love you, always.

Kasey Gold

Kasey Gold KASEY GOLD. Like a jolt of lightning my head split into the worse headache I'd ever experienced. Cake splattered on my feet and skittered across the floor. I crushed my head in my hands, trying to keep my brains from leaking through the cracks. KASEY GOLD. I heard her voice. Her laugh. Saw her walk through my apartment. These memories. She saturated my life. KASEY GOLD. The golden ghost. KASEY GOLD.

I crumpled onto the floor and laughed like a mad man. Smiling. It was like a light shined into unseen corners of my mind, sending a rush of tears down my cheeks. Steadily, the biting pain swelled into a consistent throb. Trapped in a movie I didn't want to see, I relived happy moments with her. With Kasey Gold. Kasey...My Kasey.

Pulling my knees into my chest, the warmth in my heart twisted into a deep grief. Where are you Kasey? What have I done? I lost you, somehow.

I cried hard. My anguish made my voice turn hoarse. I punched the door behind me and shook. For the rest of the night I did not sleep but I wasn't awake either. My mind crisscrossed between reality, memories, and dreams. When the shaking was finally limited to my hands, I stood up. I couldn't stop the manic laugh. Leaving the cake on the floor I curled onto my bed and covered my face with my pillow. My laugh sporadically twisted into a cry and back to laughing.

I've lost my mind.

Or rather, it had been collected.