23: SANCHEZ & LOGAN - HEA DUDES (5)

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Part 5: THE DECISION

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Part 5: THE DECISION

We held onto each other deep into the night, Logan and I. We slept, we dreamed, and time itself seemed to stand still. I cherished every second of it and wanted it to last forever. How could it be, I wondered at one moment of awakening, that I'd known so many guys all over the world, wonderful guys, beautiful guys, but had never met anyone I felt so good with, so in tune with, so comfortable with, and so fulfilled and happy with.

Logan was sweet, reserved, more than a little bit shy, yet I could sense the awesome strength of his character. And I knew I could trust him. He was somebody I could believe in, somebody I could live with, and I knew we'd so easily and beautifully get along. We'd be happy together, compatible, and enjoy the fuck out of each other. I was sure of it. I didn't doubt it for a nanosecond. And I'd never felt like that before about anyone.

Not even Joey.

God, how blind I'd been about him all these years, holding onto a fantasy so strongly only because, it seemed to me now, I had never met anyone else I liked and admired who also seemed so right, so totally freaking right, for me to fall in love with.

I awakened again from another light slumber and saw that Logan was awake too and staring right into my eyes. Our dicks had chubbed up again and that put a big smile on my face. Another couple minutes and we'd both be hard as rocks.

"We're horny again," I whispered. "See. And you're worried I'd be bored. Ha! We could have sex all day long, all night long. Every hour on the hour. That sure isn't boring. We'd never get tired of it."

He made a fist and put it up against my chin. "You just don't give up, do you?"

I kissed his clenched fingers. "No, I don't. Why should I? Look what a success I've made of myself. When I first got to New York nine years ago I was broke and living on the streets. But I slept around with all the right people, took advantage of every opportunity they gave me, worked hard and made myself into Sanchez the model. You can't accomplish something like that if you give up easily. But he's not real, Logan. No way. That Sanchez is just a persona I invented so I can forget who I really am. This is the real me - a lonely miserable fuck begging you to let me be part of your life."

He didn't respond, just put his arm back around me and pulled me tight to him again. We lay there a few more minutes and all I could think of was how easy it would be to give up everything I had in order to spend the rest of my life with him.

So I asked, "Did you make a decision about my going home with you?"

I watched his eyes searching mine as if maybe he could find an iron-clad guarantee written in them. But he remained silent. I gazed right back at him. I didn't need such a guarantee. For once in my life I had faith. Faith in myself to love him and faith in him to love me.

Finally he nodded, rocking our heads. "Yes, I made a decision." His voice was low and quivering. "But first I'd ... I'd like you to do something for me."

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