The Everyday Adventures of Sam and Megan (GirlxGirl)

Season 3: Episode 18

His feet stood in front of me, but I still couldn't find the strength to look at him. I heard him sit on the bed.

"Sam, I..." he paused. There was a lull in his thoughts. I could feel it, like he was debating what he really wanted to say. "I almost didn't go to college, you know, because I was afraid to leave you."

The tears continued to come as I remained staring at the floor.

"I didn't want to move away because I saw how mom treated you," he continued. "I didn't want to leave because I saw dad slipping away to the bottle, and I knew things weren't good. But I always defended you, up until the day I left for college. And just because you didn't see it doesn't mean I didn't do it."

"I checked in on you every time I could," he said. "And when I graduated and got a job, I made sure to get a place with multiple rooms because I wanted you to live with me if things never got better. Obviously, they didn't, and you left mom and dad because I had a place for you. I've always been on your side. Always. And I wish I could've done more, but some things I couldn't do for you, like make them understand what you were going through..."

I finally looked up to see my brother staring at me. He wasn't mad? How was he not mad? I had pretty much ruined his reception. And how come he had never told me any of this? Why did he let me think for years that he was on mom and dad's side this entire time? Why hadn't he ever revealed this?

"Why aren't you mad at me?" I asked. "I ruined your wedding."

He laughed. "You didn't ruin anything, Sam. But last night I realized... you've never told mom and dad about the consequences their mistakes had on you. You've never been able to move on. You've just been running from it as fast as you could, and I've only enabled it instead of telling you what you really needed to hear."

"Which is what?"

"That I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry that I didn't do better with mom and dad. I'm sorry that I didn't encourage you to seek help the moment you were out of that house. I'm sorry that I was too busy to see how damaged you really were when you moved in with me. And I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't come to me when you really needed to."

Suddenly a wall cracked and shattered. Tears spilled from my eyes as I sobbed and gasped for air. The pain was a lot. It was strong and it filled my lungs and made me ache with a sadness I had never felt before. I felt Shawn sit next to me and wrap his arm around my shoulders.

"Let it out," he said.

"I-I'm s-sorry," I stuttered through the tears. "I never meant-"

"I know." His chin rested on my head as he hugged me. "I know you didn't mean for last night to happen the way it did. I know..."

That's when Blair emerged from outside of the hotel room with a tray of food. She set it down and walked over to where we sat as I attempted to control my crying, but I just couldn't. The tears were coming from this seemingly bottomless pit that was just filled with a sadness I had ignored for far too long. She sat at the edge of the bed.

"Casey left with Megan and your parents," Blair said to us. "They're going get their stuff to bring it to Shawn's house."

"I told mom and dad they could either stay here at the hotel or with me and Casey for the remainder of the week," Shawn revealed to me.

"I don't know what to do, Shawn..." I said. "I don't know how I'm gonna fix everything I broke last night."

My brother looked at Blair with a sad look, but I didn't know how to read it. Did they know something I didn't? Was there something they weren't telling me?