I always have a complicated relationship with your so-called 'God'.
I always question its existence, its purpose, its plan, its motive.
Growing up sad, the existence of a higher being or God is like a joke.
Why can't he take away my sadness? Why did he make an 8-year-old sad?
Why can't he take away my pain? Why did he allow me to be miserable?
Why would an 8-year old me wish for my death?
Still, despite my why's, I was forced, rather brainwashed to believe that I am evil by even having why's - that I am evil for questioning.
Being raised as a catholic, I was raised to fear God as he will punish me if I don't believe him.
Why is he a he?
I hated God.
I hated him because I couldn't feel him/her/it.
Still, I tried to convince myself of its existence.
My journey started when I was 8 years old. For several years up until I was college, I have been in different phases of my belief.
At some point I become religious, then after a few months I went back to questioning and even hating, then after a few months, I stopped believing.
I started living my life, the way I wanted to live it.
I live my life with my morals and integrity on my sleeve.
I live an honest life despite not having someone called 'god'.
And then suddenly, it all just flashes to me - the grace of the universe.
And then I started believing.
I started believing in the blessing of the Universe.
As I explore my spirituality I met the Universe.
I become grateful for its grace.
I have survived many battles in my life because of the Universe
And at the end of the day, I know that the Universe has blessed me.
So God, Jesus, Allah, or whoever your god is...
I believe in the power of the universe.
YOU ARE READING
Making sense
PoetryMaking sense of the beauty and sadness. Making sense of the complexity of living. Making sense of my whirlwind emotions. Sharing to the world how I make sense, hoping that it would also make sense to you. Vote and leave comments! Let me know your th...
