Just Breathe

Chapter 27 {The Letter}

Three knocks echoed through Jonathan's small apartment followed by a familiar voice, "Jon, open up." He knocked a few more times before lifting the mat outside the door and using the spare key. He pushed through the door and found Jonathan sitting on the couch, flipping mindlessly through television stations like he did when he didn't want to think or function in the real world. He was in a funk and the only reason he had been this way lately was because of her. Peter sat down beside him and grabbed the remote from his hand, flipping off the television. Silence consumed the small room for a moment before Jonathan spoke.

"She hates me."

"She hates you because you lied to her and she loved you."

Jonathan turned to Peter with a shocked look across his unshaven face. "What?"

"Believe me, if she just hated you and didn't love you, she wouldn't have put all of those words behind it. She just would have slapped you and that would have been it. She was crying and spilling her heart because you broke it, dude. She loves you and you lied to her."

Jonathan faced forward again, his emotions unsure of how to react to the news. "She may have loved me but I screwed up. She just hates me now."

"Everybody screws up, man. Maybe if you tell her the truth now, she'll be able to forgive the lies."

He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders in defeat. "How am I supposed to tell her the truth? She's in treatment and she's banned me from the treatment center. They won't let me past the information desk."

Peter leaned forward and snatched a pen and piece of paper from the table in front of them, handing them over to his friend with a small smile. "You write what you need to say and I'll make sure she gets it, trust me."

~~~

Peter stepped through the doors of the treatment center, his large smile flattering everyone he passed in the hall. He walked right up to the information desk and propped himself against it.

"Can I help you?" The lady sitting behind the desk asked with a captivated mile.

"Well, I certainly hope so. I was wondering if I could see a Ms. Riley..." Peter mentally cursed at the fact that he didn't even know the girls last name but thankfully, she filled in the blank for him.

"Reynolds."

Peter turned around to find Riley standing behind him. "Riles!" He smiled and stepped forward, wrapping her in a hug. She reluctantly pat his back but found the gesture a little strange, from someone she barely knew. However, he did seem like a sweet guy even if his friend was a compulsive liar. "How are you?"

"I'm in a treatment center." She crossed her arms and glanced around quickly. "You guess."

"Right." He responded by holding out a small envelope with her name written in large letters on the front.

She slowly removed the envelope from his hand but quickly handed it back once reality struck. "I don't want to hear anything else from him. He's toxic and I don't need any more toxic people in my life."

"He's not toxic, Riley, he's the best thing that ever happened to you and I think you know that." He pushed the envelope up to her chest. "He loves you. He made a mistake, but he loves you and despite the one thing he did wrong, I know he must have helped a lot more than he harmed, right?"

She lowered her head and nodded slowly, even though she was pretty sure it was a rhetorical question.

"Just read it, okay? If you still think he's toxic then, I guess, I understand but what I can't understand it not taking in all the information before making a decision." He smiled and bent forward to kiss her cheek. She smiled, despite his strange behavior but somehow, she knew that was just him. "Get well soon, okay?"

She nodded and held the letter close to her heart while watching him walk out the front door of the hospital. She removed the letter from her chest and began opening the envelope.

Riley,

I am truly sorry for everything that happened that day at the hospital. I should never have kept my identity a secret because earning your trust is the most important thing to me and I'm afraid I may have lost it forever. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but I think you deserve to know the truth, once and for all, about everything.

When you said I must have gotten in trouble with the law and that's why I was stuck answering phones; you were right. I was arrested on October 15th for stealing drugs and hot-wiring a stolen car. My brother is diabetic and needed insulin. We were running short on money that week and I was afraid of what would happen if he didn't get it. I made a stupid mistake that day and when I stole that car to escape, I made things even worse. I was trying to help my brother but instead of taking him to the hospital, I put myself in a horrible situation and my brother was put in the hands of the court. He was taken away from me on October 17th and I still haven't forgiven myself for being the cause of him having to leave the only home he has ever known. 

I never meant to hurt you, Riley and I need you to believe that. I know it doesn't make up for anything because I did hurt you, but I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I've made a lot of stupid mistakes in the past few months, but one thing I did right was meeting you. Every phone call made my day feel worth getting up for. I love you, but I know I need to give you time to heal. All I can do is wait and hope you find the help you need and look forward to a day when maybe you'll be standing at my door. 

I pray you never forget your worth but if you find yourself forgetting; close your eyes, search your heart and just breathe because as long as we have breath we have not finished our worth. Make your life worth every breath, Riley.

Love,

Jonathan