Just Breathe

Chapter 14 {Paint It}

"Talk? I don't even talk in therapy sessions...why would I talk to you?

"Because I know what you're going through or at least...I think I do. I've considered suicide. At the time it seemed like the easiest escape, a simple way to leave all your troubles behind but it's not the answer. I had someone counting on me; my little brother, Tommy. I had to keep moving for him, I had to believe that things would get better for his sake. And even if you feel like you don't have someone like that, you still have yourself to think about and I know you can make your life better. Things are going to change for you, Riley, you'll see. You just have to get off that ledge and stick around to watch it happen." His voice was breaking more with every word he spoke and he was getting nervous. He didn't even know what he said; he just knew he had to say anything, everything to get her off that ledge. He was hoping maybe something he said had made a difference, maybe she heard something that resonated with her and she would step off that ledge. By now he was standing at her feet and holding his hand out to her just hoping she would take it in hers and step down into his arms. 

She turned her head and stared down at him with that eyeliner smeared face and the emptiness he saw in her eyes made him feel sick to his stomach. He wanted her to feel alive; to feel something...anything. She didn't take his hand. She just shook her head and he saw her eyes close as she began to sob. He quickly made his way onto the ledge and placed her hand in his, holding it tightly. "You jump, I jump, Jack."

It took a moment for her tears to cease but when they did, she looked over at him with shock and confusion. "You don't mean that."

"Sure, I do. What makes your life any less valuable than mine? Why is it okay for you to jump but not me?"

"You wouldn't jump. What about your brother?"

"There's always foster care, at least he'll get three meals a day." He shrugged, pretending to act completely set on doing it, but he was starting to wonder if he honestly meant what he was saying. He thought about not hearing her voice, not being able to catch a glimpse of her every day and suddenly he wanted to jump right along with her. She was the only good part about his days and if she wasn't here, he had no reason to keep breathing.

Riley thought about his little brother; his adorable smile and big blue eyes like his brother's. How could he ever think about leaving that kid? "Your life has value because of the people in it. You have people who love you. All I have is an abusive mother and a drinking problem. The people in your life are what give it a price. Without those people...there's no reason to breathe." She spoke softly before staring back down at the ground below.

He could feel a small smile growing on his face as the next four words spilled from his mouth. "Someone loves you, Riley." She turned to him and he quickly continued. "Everyone has someone in their life that loves them...even if you haven't met them yet. Think about what you could be giving up; a husband, children, a life you never even dreamed of and far better than your present reality."

"I can't look ahead."

"Why not?"

"It's black, its pitch black and it scares me every minute of every day."

"Paint it."