What the Heart Wants (Larry AU)

Chapter 21

A/N: hey lovelies :) so I kinda hate everything right now. no big deal, right? doesnt matter. whatever. idk, life kinda sucks. too much school and stress and stuff. buuuut, i try to stay positive and think about the good things, like this fic and you guys! :) <3 i love you all so much, i say that so often but i really mean it, you guys mean a lot to me. im so glad you like my fics :) 

i didnt edit, and i probably wont ever get around to editing it, cus i have so much work to do tonight. so ignore any mistakes haha.

anyways, this chapter is dedicated to Skai_rox14 :D sorry love, i didnt see your comment asking if i could dedicate chapter 20 to you until now, so you'll have to settle for chapter 21! hope you dont mind:)

enjoy the fic guys. please tell me what you think. vote, comment, fan. never hesitate to message me for any reason, im here for anyone who needs anyone to talk to at any time. just want you all to know that. i know there are times where i want to talk to someone, just have someone listen, and i know a lot of other people feel like that too, so if you ever need to please dont even hesitate.

idk why i felt like mentioning that right now, idk. im in a weird mood today haha.

oh, and the video on the side. im a huuuge swiftie (sorry not sorrryyy) and i am so in love with this song right now its not even funny. it just fits. its amazing.

alright, enough of my blabbing. hope you like it:) 

Chapter 21

LOUIS POV

Hollow. Bitter.

There was honestly no other way to describe Louis' feelings after Harry walked out of the car. Actually, he was probably more shocked than anything else. He had no idea what was going on, and he was getting really sick of it actually. He wanted answers, he had a right to know why Harry was acting like a 16 year old girl, why Harry would sometimes be fine and other times, avoid him altogether. It stung, Harry just walking out on him like that. Weren't they just on the same page like what, 10 minutes ago? What had changed so suddenly? Harry couldn't have lost all feelings for him in one day, could he?

Could he? Was that possible?

....What if it was?

Louis took a deep breath. He hadn't moved an inch since Harry slammed the door. He glanced in his rearview mirror, watching Harry shuffle through the snow for a few seconds, his curls bouncing on his head. 

Louis didn't deserve this. He didn't need this. He didn't need to have his heart constantly strained and broken. He didn't need to be worrying all the time about whether or not he was doing things wrong. He just didn't NEED it. He clearly didn't mean anything to Harry, why should he care? Hands trembling, he put the car into drive. He paused, foot on the brake. 

Was this it then? 

He waited a few more seconds, waiting for Harry to turn around and run back, hoping, despite everything, that he would change his mind. Again.

But Harry continued walking.

Louis would never know the feeling of those perfect, full lips on his. He would never be able to kiss them until they were red and swollen, would never be able to call him his. He would never be able to affectionately run his hands through those perfect, shiny curls, would never be able to cuddle with Harry on the couch and watch cute movies with him on cold days, with tea. He would never be able to take Harry out on a real dinner date, something that he had fantasized doing since the night Harry got drunk off his ass. He even had the idea all planned out in his head and everything, he had pictured it for a while.

First, he'd go pick Harry up around 6, and not tell him where they were going, hoping to surprise him. Harry's facial expression would turn to one of surprise and happiness when Louis pulled up by the beach not more than an hour away. They'd walk down, getting there at exactly the right time so that they could watch the sunset. They'd sit on the sand together and cuddle, and talk about anything and everything; laugh, joke around, and just be happy. When the sun went down and it got too cold, they'd walk hand in hand to the pier, and have dinner at this really great restaurant called the Kettle. Louis had always been a huge fan of breakfast for dinner, so he'd order the banana pancakes and some nice hot Yorkshire tea. After dinner, they'd go grab some ice cream or something for dessert, and then go sit on a bench together in the nearby park, and that's where Louis go for the kiss; it would be their first. Louis' breathing became raggedy as he thought about his plans; that was his DREAM date. He had always wanted to spend a relaxing night with someone he really, REALLY cared about. But now, he'd never be able to. It wouldn't happen, because Harry didn't want him.

The waves of sadness and disappointment crashed over him. He felt like crying, but for whatever reason, his eyes were staying dry. He WANTED to cry. Why couldn't he?

Slowly, he lifted his foot off of the brake and pulled away from the curb, onto the street. And the entire time, all he could think was "Don't look back, don't look in the rearview mirror, don't do it." Because he knew, somehow, instinctively, that looking back one last time would hurt him even more. And he just couldn't handle it anymore. 

***

Louis swung his flat door open and slammed it shut behind him angrily, then spun around on his heel and froze. Liam and Danielle were on the couch, snuggled together, watching a movie. The exact same thing he had imagined him and Harry doing 5 minutes ago. They both looked at him in confusion and concern; Louis was NEVER angry. He just stared at them for a minute, and then scoffed, and smiled bitterly. He didn't have time for this coupley stuff. Seeing them together....well, that hurt. His eyes started to fill with tears, (sure, NOW he decides to cry) and Liam jumped up and put his arm around his friend. "Lou, talk to me. What's wrong?" 

Louis bit his lip and shook his head, embarrassed. He never cried, at least not in front of his friends. That was just humiliating.

Danielle stood up awkwardly. "I think you guys could use some time alone to talk, I should probably head home," she said, not in a bitter or upset way; the complete opposite actually. She sounded gentle and kind and caring, and smiled at Louis warmly. Louis loved her so much. But he couldn't just ruin his friends' date like that. "No Dani, it's fine, you guys continue. I'm just gonna head on over to my room."

"No, really Lou, I was planning on leaving in a few minutes anyway. Bye Li," she said, pecking him on the lips. "I'll call you later tonight," he said, and she grinned in response, opening the door and gently shutting it behind her. The second the door closed, the fake smile Louis had plastered on his face for Danielle disappeared. His bottom lip began to tremble, and tears were forming more and more rapidly in his eyes. Liam grabbed Louis' hand and led him over to the couch, shutting off the TV. "Would you like some hot chocolate or something, Lou? There's still some left, I can bring you some if you want." Louis shook his head, curling up into a ball on the couch. Liam ignored him and stood up, hurrying over into the kitchen. Louis heard a few crashes and clangs, and then the beep of the microwave, and a minute later Liam walked out of the kitchen, mug of steaming hot chocolate in his hands. He set it on the coffee table in front of Louis. "You'll want to wait a minute or so, it's quite hot," he said softly. Louis nodded. "Thanks," he muttered. 

The two boys sat there in silence for a while, Liam not pushing Louis to talk. Louis was grateful for this; he wanted time to get himself together before he said anything. He didn't want to burst into tears after he uttered the first word; that would not be good at all. He took a few deep breaths through his nose and shut his eyes, before whispering, "I don't fucking get it, Li. I hate people." Liam chuckled softly. "I know, mate, I know. Who doesn't?"

More silence.

"Want to talk about it?" Liam asked. "Not yet," Louis whispered. Liam nodded his head in understanding. "Well, do you at least want to tell me who to kill for making you so upset?" Liam half-joked, clearly trying to lighten the mood, but there was clearly some seriousness in his tone of voice. Liam had always been really protective of Louis, that's just how he was. Liam didn't want to see the people he cared about hurting. 

Louis, still in fetal position, bit his lip. "H-Harry," he said in a barely audible tone, his voice shaking, the tears welling up again. 

Well that did it then. So much for control.

Louis burst into tears, the sobs shaking through his entire body. He felt Liam's hand on his back, rubbing it soothingly, as he continued to cry, his face all wet and snotty and disgusting. He didn't even want to KNOW what he looked like at the moment. 

"Oh Lou," Liam whispered, pulling Louis into a hug. Louis held onto Liam tight, burying his face in Liam's neck and sobbing his heart out. 

Nothing ever worked out for Louis. He always ended up like this, brokenhearted, a failure.

Every single time.