"This generation romancing suicide...tragic"
Vinny patina , a delusional deceiving charismatic 16-year old girl always had girls and boys in the palms of her hands..she always had attention..sense of worth..pity. She could get anyone to do anything...
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It takes 66 days to make a habit , so imagine cutting your self every single day to not being able to cut for three days.It has been three fucking whole days without a pierce to my skin and I couldn't deny the agony and discomfort I feel because I can't damage myself in some type of way.On top of that , these people give no contact with the outside world..No mom..no step father..no brother..no Cedric..I'm all alone.
"Bitch could you stop?" My roommate Olivia said but I continued the action of banging the back of my head on the wall, I needed something , a fucking jolt , a spark of pain and even though this wasn't shit , it was something..something that kept me from going completely ape shit.
"Are you deaf bitch?! I will bash your fucking head in" She snapped loudly , I ignored her threats and smashed my head on the wall again as I bit my lip as I felt my head throb as if it had a heart beat.Bliss. Her foot jumped down the steps as the girl landed in front of me , her almond dark brown eyes glared at me. "Do you wanna get beat up or somethings?" She told , I crawled on the bed getting on my knees to meet her height halfway.
"Fuck you" I said slowly with a bright smile and her face gave me all the confirmation I needed, all the bliss I was about to have in a second and just like that she snatched me by hair tightly and dragged me to the floor am I didn't even fight her.My mind went blank and my body went limp as she slung me on the ground and got on top of me.
"Bitch" She snapped punching me one time in the face and another time , this time my nose felt hot as blood trickled down my lip as I couldn't even enjoy the taste of my warm metallic blood because she gripped my head from my roots and banged it on the floor again and again.
"Olivia , get the fuck off her" A voice said, I knew that voice anywhere it was Jahseh.My sweet Jahseh.He snatched Olivia by her shirt and threw her on the bed."That bitch had it coming!" Olivia shouted , the door was now wide open with a clear view as workers came and took Olivia out and Jahseh helped me up more like dragged me by my soaked bloody shirt.
"You only been here four days and already managed to get yourself fucked up" Jahseh spat out like he was disgusted by me but I didn't care I was on a high, call me a fucking masochist but like an orgasm everything I was building up I could let go once Olivia threw that first punch.Of course I didn't like getting hit in the face cause my piercings and because burning and cutting is much my control but being here and being limited anything would do.
"Your nose is broken" Jahseh told me as I touch it and instantly pain shot through my whole face as I licked my lips tasting more metallic blood."How do you know?"
"I broke a lot of noses to know what it looks like" Jahseh said handing me some napkins that was on the counter as I used them to dab my nose."What the fuck did you do to Olivia?" It was funny how he assumed that I automatically did something to her , he knows me well.
"I provoked her-"
"Your like a toddler compared to her but yet-" He instantly smacked his teeth before showing those big brown light eyes with pure disgust again."You did that shit on purpose?!"
"I-"
"You know how long Olivia has been here? She was about to get out! Be free but now she's probably going to get a year, or two or maybe jail time because you couldn't control whatever sick fucking needs you have! I keep telling you , your outta your mind bitch!" Jahseh snapped angrily making me laugh as I smiled feeling the gushy sounds of my blood move with me as I laughed making a little spill on my lap, I felt light headed.. Like I could really lose my shit.She punched harder then I imagined.
"What happened?" The nurse said walking inside as Jahseh took a step back , stone cold not an ounce of remorse or concern.Did it hurt? It wasn't a yes or no , my mind couldn't focus on Jahseh and my control because I needed more pain..this shit wouldn't last..a couple ice packs and some Advil and this would be over , cuts hit different , burns ...the smell of my literal flesh burning the fuck off gives me something I can't achieve with punches or kicked ..a high most people can't imagine.I didn't even had drugs to balance it out.
I wanted to cry..I needed something a little more.
"How bad does it hurt?" I looked up at her as I started doing the most I need to to get as much drugs as possible if I told her the pain was a 5 instead of 10, I wouldn't get enough to keep me high."It hurts so bad! I-I feel like I'm dying" I cried loudly as the nurse put her hands on my chin and flashed light in my eyes."You could have a serious concussion" A loud irritated sigh came out as I looked at the corner of my eye and it was Jahseh glaring at me , the nurse turned around to get some cotton pads as I winked at Jahseh making him look at me with the same look of anger as Olivia did.
Imagine that.. Getting THE Jahseh Onfroy to hit me...I got the excited at the thought.If I couldn't get smuggle drugs or knives in here..I was going to push buttons..each and every single one I was going to cross boundaries and really fuck some shit up and my number one person was Jahseh.
He didn't know what I had in store, I was going to see if all the stories are true and I was going to see if I could really make him fuck me up..make him kill me even.
My family didn't know what they were doing when they locked me up in here.
But I'm pretty sure everyone's about to find out.
"You just lay right here for now baby" The nurse said sweetly as I laid down on the cold hard couch as I curled up as Jahseh eyed me one more time with nothing but anger and I don't even know hatred? He walked out slamming the door causing the nurse to jump and me to smile."I'll get you some medicine to numb the pain" I nodded as I shifted to my back and looked at the ceiling wall.
3 days in... And I've already manage to do some unforgivable damage ..lets see what I can do in one day.
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I know it's be so motherfucking long to be exact it's been 6 months and two weeks and 5 days.
But I'm back for GOOD now.
And since literally everywhere is locked down expect updates on Saturdays and Thursday's ❤️❤️😈
