Satin on the Slopes

Chapter 33

"Hudson," I whimpered, trying to pull my mouth away from his. I couldn't do this to myself twice. The first time hurt badly enough. Would I ever learn?

"Penelope, please," he breathed, his breath minty and warm as it fanned over my face. His lips brushed against mine, soft and tender while his hands continued to hold me, his thumbs stroking small circles on my cheeks.

"We can't do this. I can't," I said, but my voice was shaky and weak. God, I wanted this, I wanted him, so badly.

He smiled, pulling back ever so slightly, but still cupping my cheeks. When his eyes opened again I saw the happiness swimming on the surface, but something darker was lurking below. Uncertainty?

"I want to try, Penelope," he whispered, his lips turning up into that smile that I loved so much.

"What?"

"I want to try dating. I know that I said I didn't want to, but..." he trailed off, shaking his head.

I should've been happy at his admission. Hell, I should've been delighted, over the moon. I should've thrown my arms around his neck and kissed him for all I was worth, only letting go when we were both gasping for breath. 

But I didn't. Instead, I took a step back. his hands fell away from my face, dropping down to his sides. The confusion was clear on his face, but he didn't move to touch me again while I sorted the words I needed to say.

"Are you sure?" I wondered, glancing up at him then quickly dropping my eyes again. I could feel my muscles tighten under my shirt as I braced for his verbal blow, knowing full well that I had opened the door for him to hurt me again.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" he questioned, his brow furrowing.

"It was," I agreed. "It is. I just know that it's not what you wanted. You didn't want to date, you didn't want any commitment." I was careful with my words. I knew that this wasn't the same situation as before, but I was still so worried about causing a blow out. "We both had boundaries and you respected mine. I don't want you to feel like I'm not respecting yours. If this isn't something you're ready for then it's okay. You don't have to be the one to give in."

"Don't you get it?" he said with a breathy laugh that made the corner of my mouth turn up. "You told me what you needed and I thought that I couldn't give it. I'm sorry, you knew where all of my insecurity came from and when you pinpointed it I freaked out. I was harsh, I know that. But I thought about it. I thought about having to hear about all of your little dates with Tyson. I thought of knowing what you tasted like, but knowing that I could never kiss you again. Fuck, I spent my nights looking at the ceiling, thinking about taking you on hikes with Max all summer long. But the next morning you'd be laughing with Tyson instead." He ran a hand through his dark hair, seeming almost angry at the mention of Tyson.

"Hudson, please, I want you to be sure," I pressed, though it felt like I was betraying my heart by saying them. Part of me just wanted to take what I could get and run before he changed his mind.

"I'm sure. I thought the risk was too great. I thought that I would hurt you because I have such a flawed perception of love. But being without you is killing me and I know that it's hurting you too. Do you know how much relief I feel by just saying this stuff to you? This definitely worth the risk."

I waited for a split second, searching his face. I heard the words he was saying and I knew what they meant. But I had to be sure. And when I saw nothing but softness and honesty on his features I finally let go of all the apprehension and dread.

I threw my arms around his neck, slamming my lips against his. He took a single step back, adjust for my sudden force. Then his arms were around me, his tongue was brushing against my lips and a hand was in my hair, pulling me to him. The kiss was rough and needy, passionate and deep but wild, like it had been contained for too long.

I dragged my mouth from his, sucking in a deep breath in an effort to steady myself. I didn't want to stop kissing him. God, it was the last thing in the world that I wanted. But I had to be mindful of the fact that we were in public and some of my neighbors were quite nosy.

"What is it?" Hudson asked, worry flooding over his features again.

"Inside," I breathed, already dragging him to the doors.

~~~Question of the Day~~~

What are your favorite girl names?