The Landlord

Chapter 29

He immediately shook his head. "No."

"You don't understand," I said as evenly as I could, taking a deep breath. "I reveal what really happened, that will destroy everything for me. Nobody will want anything to do with me and I will lose my kids for sure. I am already fighting for them in this divorce. Can't you take enough pleasure in the suffering I am already going through? I mean look around," I said shakily, blinking away my tears. "Look where I ended up. This isn't enough?"

He offered a sad smile, looking out to his front yard. "No. You... are not on the same level of suffering. You're joking, right?"

I couldn't answer or say anything. If I did, everything would flood out from where all the emotions built up at the back of my throat.

Trying to hold a calm tone, he continued. "You did this shit to yourself. Your mistakes and your choices. Please tell me, what choices did I make wrecked my life? What did I do to make my marriage, family, and business fail? Nothing. That was all you. I didn't even know you," he scoffed, stepping closer and narrowing his eyes in mine. "You turned me into a violent asshole too – just to make your case stronger. You don't have a right to seek pity or understanding. Your downfall is your fault. My downfall is your fault. For what? Because you were trying to hide your drinking problem?" After a pause, he turned and leaned against the railing, clasping his hands together. "So no, you can't just tell my wife. Everyone needs to hear the truth because that's what you deserve."

My tears started to spill, but I quickly recovered, biting my lip hard. "I am a terrible person and I know that for what I did. I know that. I literally can't even handle thinking about what I did. But I am trying my hardest to redeem myself. You don't know how much weight is on my shoulders," I said, voice breaking. "It's unbearable and I have to block out so many things I did. Just because I'm a bad person though doesn't mean you should turn into one."

"I'm not. I'm simply trying to take back the life you took from me. You need to pay for what you did – one way or another. I should hope you would choose the easy way, the right way. It would make your life and mine better by telling the truth."

I gawked at him. "How will that better my life? If I come out with the truth, I will lose everything I am trying to hang onto."

"Yes, you will. That is the price, the punishment, that you deserve. And though it will hurt, you will feel better to get all that off your chest. You can't run from what you did forever. You know, since you're so burdened by hiding what you did," he mumbled, half sarcastic.

Whether he believes I feel guilty or not, it didn't matter. Nobody would ever know just how guilty I truly felt. It hurt, knowing all that I did, and never being held accountable for it. But my kids didn't make my mistakes. They shouldn't have to suffer without me in their lives. Maybe that was my selfish excuse, but it didn't matter. Telling the truth wasn't worth losing everything – including my mind. I blocked things out for my own good and facing that was not an option.

"What if I don't reveal the truth?" I asked quietly, and though I remained tense, I finally dropped my arms. "You're going to keep harassing me? Until what?"

"I don't know. But if you're not willing to tell the truth, then I will have nothing to lose. You will deserve whatever comes your way."

The sick uneasiness feeling in me started to return. However, August wasn't the bad guy, I was. I caused this, I deserved this, and I was now choosing to once again not do the right thing. He was just a good guy with a grudge. Even if he had nothing to lose, he wouldn't have the heart to seriously hurt me. There was no way. He was just bluffing.

As I walked through the grass back towards my house, he added one last thing. "I'll be here when you change your mind. Just let me know when you've had enough."