Frerard OneShots (finished)

XLII - I Don't Think We Should See Each Other Anymore #4

[mention of panic attacks and vomiting in this one so stay safe y'all

oh and does anyone know what the deal is with patd/Brendon?? i heard he said some shit but idk can someone help???]

After Gerard had left, nothing seemed okay anymore.

Ray stood in front of me, biting his nails, while I sat on my bed and fidgeted with my hands in my lap, sniffling occasionally. He was uncomfortable, I could see that, but I didn't know if I could change that in any way; not in my current state. In the past five minutes in which he had helped me walk from the bathroom to my bed, no one had said a thing.

"Why'd you have a panic attack?" He settled on saying, his voice quiet and unsure.

A lump formed in my throat as I thought back. "Because I'm not ready to talk to him."

Ray sighed and sat down next to me, the mattress shifting under his weight and he easily pulled me into a side-hug. "I'm sorry for pushing you," he said, "if I knew how worked up you got, I wouldn't have shoved you to talk to him."

I shyly glanced up at him, my shoulders still tense and chest stuttering with every shaky breath I took. "Did you tell him that this is my room?"

"God, no," he pulled away a tiny bit but kept his hand on my back, "I was just conveniently there when he stood in front of the door and you couldn't open up because you- well, you-"

"Because I retched my guts out," I finished his sentence when I saw how uncomfortable he was and let my gaze drop back into my lap, "who told him, then? I don't think Mikey would do that."

"Well, I don't know Mikey, so..."

"He wouldn't do that," I said again, "he wouldn't, I'm sure. Maybe he somehow found out himself?"

"But how?"

Right then, my phone chimed but I didn't pick it up.

Ray gave me a look. "You're not gonna read your message?"

"No."

Another message, and a third one.

"Really?"

Rolling my eyes, I sighed and picked my phone up, but threw it to the ground as soon as I saw the name 'Gee Way' on the screen.

Carefully, Ray picked the phone up and gingerly placed it in my hand.

"I can't," I said, pushing it into his hand as if it was poisonous, "I can't, Ray. I'm scared."

He gave me a pitiful look. "Do you want me to read the messages and then tell you what he said?" I nodded, keeping my gaze on the dreaded phone. Ray sighed and turned the phone on, then read the messages.

When he stayed silent, I grew nervous. "What'd he say?"

"Huh," he scoffed, "he apologized and asked if you wanted to meet him for coffee- he seems pretty worried about you."

Quickly, I yanked the phone out of his hand and read the messages myself.

geeway: hey, Frankie. I'm sorry about what happened, I shouldn't have shown up without telling/asking you

geeway: and are you ok? you seemed so pale yano

geeway: anyway soo if you wanted we could meet up for coffee to talk?? only if you want to. if not, thats also fine

I gulped and sniffled a bit, dwelling on the thought of getting coffee. Coffee always sounded good but was I ready to see him again? The thought alone gave me shivers. What if-

A fourth message popped up.

geeway: please answer me, Frankie. I'm worried about you

A bad feeling formed in my stomach and spread to my chest.

He was just saying that, he didn't mean it. Probably.

Ray pulled the phone down so he could see what was written on the screen.

Nervously, I bit my lip and dwelled on it again. When he was finished reading, Ray looked at me with a confused look on his face.

"What do you think?" I asked, keeping my voice quiet so he wouldn't hear how much it shook. "Should I go?"

Ray gave me a pitiful half-smile and moved closer, pulling me into another side-hug. I just let myself fall against his shoulder. "I don't know," he said honestly, "I really don't because, on the one hand, you had a panic attack from just seeing him." I chuckled humorlessly at that. "On the other hand, you have time to prepare yourself the next time. It won't be a surprise like it was today."

Maybe Ray was right. I couldn't try and hide from him forever, could I?

"And," he continued even though I thought he wouldn't, "when you see him, you'll know what to do. Either you talk and you get back together or you notice that he's a douche and you can finally move on."

Again, I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Thank you, Ray," I smiled up at him, then wrapped both my arms around his middle and hugged him tightly, "you always care about me, that's so nice of you."

He pulled me closer and for a second, everything seemed fine.

Then my phone chimed with another message.

geeway: Frankie?

geeway: i get that you're pissed but i just?? wanna make sure you're ok???

geeway: so please answer me

I pulled away from Ray's hug and read the messages, then glanced up at him. "I- sorry, I should- you know?"

"It's fine," he said, sending me another small smile which I couldn't help but return.

"Should I-" I paused and took a breath, "do you think I should call him?"

He shrugged. "If you feel well enough to do so, go for it."

Nodding, I took another deep breath before unlocking my phone and pressing the 'call' button next to Gerard's contact. I held the phone to my ear, taking a shuddery breath, and waited.

After just two rings, he picked up. "Hey, Gerard-"

"Frankie, oh my God," he sighed heavily, "thank fuck you're okay. I was so worried!"

I smiled a tiny bit. "You don't need to be worried about me, you know." Ray sent me a toothy grin at that. "I- uh, I just wanted to apologize for-"

"Don't apologize," he said, cutting me off again, "what the heck, Frankie? You're sick, that's not your fault."

I didn't have the guts to tell him that I wasn't exactly sick.

He didn't need to know about everything, did he?