Take Me Back To Paddington (SERIES)

Chapter 13 - The Father II

Feeling his arms around my back, I buried my face onto his shoulder. "I'm happy to see you too, dad"

None of us talked, only silence wrapped up the air around us as the spring blew again. The embrace he pulled me in felt so beautiful and calming like I was in the middle of a field of tulips, appreciated and loved by the beauty of Keukenhof Gardens. This was what I had been waiting for since I never stopped hoping for the sun to shine, believing that the clouds were just passing by, and the sky would be clear and blue again soon.

"Chae," His soft voice broke the quietness before it could rise. "Let's go home?"

Smiling, I parted the hug and saw his hand traveled to the strap of my bagpack.

"Let me carry this for you,"

"Thank you, dad" I grinned even more as I tried to get used to this kind of treatment. "But, if you don't mind," I witnessed the peace in his eyes when he looked at me one more time. "I'd love to go inside for a while"

I was uncertain of what I just said, or what I thought I wanted to do. The last time I stepped my feet in this church was when I met Father Andrews, asking him about God after I lost my Lisa. Ever since I got my heart broken, I never went to any church anymore. And to hear myself requesting to go inside that building made me question my true stand. Mr. Krauss could be right about me; my heart was filled with hatred because I was mad, not because I meant it. That man could be right about my soul, that even though I pretended not to care about God again, I still did.

It was just anger, lots of it, and now I realised the truth behind it for a reason; I was no longer angry. I had met the Lisa in here last Friday, she was so charming that I thought I had never fell in love that hard for someone, not even for my girlfriend I was together with. Then I met my dad, he was just as perfect as I wanted him to be. It was because there was nothing else for me to be mad about, and only then I started to remember God again?

Do I deserved to be called the servant of God? What kind of servant I am?

"Of course"

Dad responded as he started to walk towards the church, and I clung around his arm, letting him take me in.

▪️▪️▪️

"So, how was the chicken?" I asked, leaning over the kitchen island as my eyes darted at my dad who was doing the dishes.

"It was the best garlic grilled chicken I have ever had"

Giggling, I threw the compliment away. "Dad, you bluff"

"I'm not!" He exclaimed as he turned his body to face me, hand reaching for the kitchen towel. "I didn't expect you to cook that good"

"Thank you, dad" I sighed, feeling the sadness in my chest again. "I wish I could cook for you every day"

I received no words from him after that since he decided to walk towards me instead, and he took my hands that I placed on the counter top.

"You can always come back here, my child" He caught my fingers in between his, igniting an emotional battle in my heart that I was trying to avoid. "Anytime you want, just give me a call and I'll wait for you at the station"

Nodding, I agreed with his request while our gaze never left each other. It was almost like he was staring into me, and that gave him the happiness he craved for as what I saw in his brown, old eyes. Dad looked so happy with my visit and I willed to do this over and over again just to serve the purpose of being someone's daughter.

"What?" I chuckled, looking away when I got shy again by his stare.

"You've grown, Chae" He answered in a low tone, which sent another wave of pain when I noticed something as hurtful as what I felt in his words. So I brought my eyes back to his, without any smile this time. "Your hair is long now, you look like a woman"

"Really?!" I forced the cheerful kid in me just to hide my true emotion. "Is that mean, I'm beautiful?!"

Dad laughed out of expectation.

"Yes! Yes you are!" He used his right hand to cup his mouth. "You're as beautiful as your mum"

"You're bluffing again," I cackled, having the image of my beloved mother played in my mind that was so heavenly pretty compared to my own. "Mum looked like an angel"

Dad took a few seconds before he whispered something. "She was...and now she is"

He tightened his grip on my hands, holding me as strong as the urge to cry that intimidated the calmness I had been fighting to obtain. The way dad just spoke about mum really knocked the grief out from my longing heart, thinking of a woman who gave birth to me and how she earned her wings last year.

It was still fresh at the back of my mind. It was still hurt. Losing her would always hurt. But hearing how soft and comforting dad's sentences were, he gave me strength to not lie or hide anything from him. He had been nothing but kind to me since I showed up in front of his church, so I didn't want to go back to London tomorrow with guilt dragging my feet.

"Dad, I-"

I stopped my speech right away, considering my attempt to be opened and honest about everything that was going on to him. It wasn't the worries of him not believing me that prevented me from talking, he was a man who believed in God. If he pledged to his life and soul that God was real, then he knew better that angels and demons were real too. I had no issues in speaking to him regarding that matter. But it was his acceptance that worried me so much.

"What's wrong, Chae?" He pushed his arms on the flat surface, getting closer to me. "Something's bothering you?"

Taking a deep breath, I determined to continue with my intention.

"I got something to tell you"

"Alright, what is it?"

"But I'm scared if you won't accept me"

His eyes blinked for a couple of times before he addressed his concern.

"Is that why you come back?" He asked, earning a frown from me straight away since I got curious of what he was talking about. "Are you pregnant?"

"Jesus!" I almost yelled to that, but I settled for a loud laugh instead. "Dad! No!"

"Oh thank you, Lord" He joined me as we were both laughing now. "You scared me, honey!"

"I swear, I'd never-" I stuttered in the amusement he caused me. "I'm not married yet"

"Yes! That's what I was scared about"

We took our own time to get rid of the laughter before we let the seriousness took over again. As for my case, it was just as fast as the death of my smile.

Clearing my throat, I initiated the second attempt.

"I really need to tell you this, dad"

"Sure," He hummed. "I'm listening"

Noticing how heavy my breath had gotten, I let no more time passed by as I didn't want any doubt to stop me. I had to.

"I'm not really your daughter"

His eyes changed in an instance, no more soft breeze that blew in spring. The sky turned moody, covered by layers of upset clouds that blocked the sunshine from warming through. His body moved, changing in posture as he stood straight, no longer slouching and pulling away from the closeness I had with him.

It is heartrending to think about how powerful the time is.
It could be yesterday that your life was showered with laughter and happiness, and today you are crying.
It could be this morning that everything was fine, and tonight everything is taken away from you.
It could be this moment that you had a good time with someone you cherish, and seconds later, everything changes.

Time. Are we really living in it? Or it's leaving us behind?