Shipper's Turmoil- Peggy's Story

Prologue- The Beginning

Very original title, I know. 

TW: Blood, self-harm, death, angst, depression, stuff like that

No. No! Why? Why is this my life? Tears streamed down my face as silent sobs racked my body. I didn't care how there was grass staining my yellow dress. I didn't care about the people staring at me as they walked by the tree I was hiding behind. I didn't care about anything anymore. Why did I think she would change her mind? My mind flashed back to all the times I encouraged her. Follow your heart... You got this!... Just ask her out... God, I was such a hypocrite. Why can't I just follow my own advice? Then again, why would she even like me? I wiped away the streams of teardrops that had slowed down. Somehow a tear made its way to my mouth and by pure childish instinct, I licked it. Salty. Just like me. You're such a horrible person. You can't even be happy for people you care about. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them starting to walk towards me. I quickly brushed away the last of the moisture that had gathered on the bottom of my eyelids. I redid my ponytail and pasted a smile on my face as I walked out from behind my tree. I kept my head down as I swiftly walked to the bench where I was supposed to be before I abandoned it to cry behind a tree. As I sat down, I fished out my phone from my pocket to pretend I was there all along. I couldn't help myself as I glanced at the pictures I had taken during the best times of my life. I felt more tears drip down and I saw them walking closer, hand in hand. They noticed as they sat down next to me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's fine," I gave a small chuckle, wiping my tears away for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. "I'm just reading angsty fanfics." (Hah. This'll be you soon. Sorry not sorry.) They both gave a small laugh before staring into each others' eyes again. I felt a pang of betrayal ricochet throughout my chest where my heart should've been. Of course, they would believe that. Why wouldn't they? I'm just the shipper. The matchmaker. The one who doesn't fall in love. I held back my tears as I got up from my seat and started walking. "Hurry up, you lovebirds!" I called behind me, faking a laugh, hiding my inner pain.

The walk was silent. Well, my walk was silent. The new couple walked behind me, whispering secrets in each others' ears. We used to do that. I shook my head. No. You're still friends. I did a half turn to try and talk to them.

"Hey, you guys wanna hang..." My voice trailed off. My heart gave a small pang of longing as I watched them passionately kiss. I let my head hang as I stuffed my hands back into the pockets of my pants, turned back around, and continued walking. We made it back to the house with me managing not to break down and cry every time I saw them kiss or hold hands or make cute flirty remarks about each other. I made it to the door first and pulled out my key to open it. I looked back at the couple and started to fumble with it to open the door. I wasn't in the mood to talk to them. I finally got the key in and walked into the house. I left the door ajar for the two who were walking up the front walkway. I called out a somber greeting to my father who was in the kitchen before I walked up to my room. I caught a glimpse of them walking through the door before a lump rose to my throat and I shut the door to my room. I barely locked the door before an ugly sob tore through my throat. I stumbled to my bathroom with tears streaming down my face. I shut the door and locked it behind me, leaning onto it and slumping down. I buried my head in my arms, and finally, let the tears fall. Sobs racked my body as I slowly walked over to the silver pieces sitting on my sink counter.

One. For all those times you made her cry.

Two. For all those times you made them worry about you.

Three. For all that time you made her wait, just to let her down.

Four. For every time you denied them your love.

Five. For every time you hurt them. 

I let my slowing tears fall as I watched the blood fall onto the tile. The streams started to slow as I took in breath after breath, shuddering like the calm after a storm. The sobs stripped me, leaving me an empty husk. Nothing mattered anymore. I carefully stood up and walked over to the sink. The blood washed down a russet brown. My gaze lifted up to the mirror in front of me. A stranger stared back at me. The girl who laughed at the stupidest jokes was gone. Gone was the girl who loved herself. Gone was the girl who squealed like a fangirl when two of her closest friends got together like the true shipper she was. Gone was the girl who let people into her heart. Gone was the girl who painted without a care in the world. Now it's just me. A girl who pasted on a fake smile every day. A girl who told herself every day that she was fat and ugly. A girl who kept her heart in her closed hands. A girl who carved broken hearts into her skin with the tiny blades she took when she pried apart a razor. A girl who didn't believe in love. Not anymore. 

Then it came to me. It wasn't crystal clear, it was just on the tip of my mind, waiting for something to push it into reality. It all depended on me. I unlocked my bathroom door and walked into my room. My diary made its way into my hands from its hiding spot under my bed and I walked back into the bathroom, locking the door behind me once more. I lay the book on my marbled countertop and slowly opened it. My eyes skimmed over the pages, entries from years ago. My hand stopped on the last page. The last empty page. I hesitantly gripped it and pulled away the sheet. It wasn't a clean rip. They'll see how I tore out the page. I took my pen with shaking hands and wrote. It wasn't easy. The words just didn't come. I had been thinking about what I would write for years when I finally had had enough and said No more. I really wished that I had more time, but I struggled through my writer's block and jotted down a few notes. I felt more tears drip down and onto the paper and I quickly wiped them away. This is it. I grabbed the blades and closed my eyes, mentally saying goodbye. In the background, I could hear yelling from Father, but I couldn't pinpoint who it came from exactly. I slowly dragged the tips of the metal against my skin, making sure I hit the artery, unlike all the previous time the metal had met my skin. I did the same to my right arm and closed my eyes, feeling the blood trickling out. God, you're so fucking weak. You didn't get to be with who you wanted to, so you commit suicide. You just want attention.

No, another voice called out in response. This is for all the times I wasn't good enough. For being the "forgotten Schuyler". For not being straight. For all those times I disappointed them. Her not loving me, that was just the tipping point, the voice justified. I opened my eyes. Black haze surrounded my sight, like the vignette effect on photo editors. Angry footsteps thudded up the stairs. At least they can't be angry at me anymore. I closed my eyes again. I heard her sob outside my door, then knock.

"It's time for dinner," a familiar voice called. I knew that voice. I just didn't know how. I stayed still. I felt myself slowly start to drift away. I heard my bedroom doorknob jiggle and the creak of its opening. I opened my eyes again and saw the haze around my vision had only grown. The doorknob to my bathroom began to jiggle.

"You in there?" I let my eyes fall again. The doorknob began to shake, and then, it stopped. I felt a gust of wind blow my hair up for a second, then it lay flat. I peeked through my eyelids. A door was laying in front of me, and a girl who was in a blue shirt was panting. A flash of red cloth passed by my sight, but I didn't care enough to open my eyes all the way. I was too tired. A slow lazy thought came to me, piecing together the two girls who were laying in my bathroom in front of me. Huh. How odd. The girl in blue took my hand and lay two fingers to my neck. I felt myself start to fall asleep.

"No. No! Stay with me," the girl in blue whispered to me. I let my eyelids close, but not before seeing the red girl again. How bizarre. I let my head lean back against the wall, and I let out a soft breath. My last breath.

"PEGGY!" 

What a turmoil this is. A Shipper's Turmoil. 

DUN DUN DUN

Wait, don't leave! I'm going to keep doing this story, I swear. This isn't a one-shot. Okay, that's it. BAIIIIIII