Beautifully Unbeautiful

7

Did you know that you made me happy?
Did you know how I felt and maybe just ignored it?
Some part of me would be happy if you just ignored it, there would be no awkwardness or tension that we both knew one of us was in love with the other, but one wasn't.
Some part of me, though, yearned for you to just know, maybe to just show you knew, it would've lifted so much off my shoulders, I would've liked you to know how much you made another person happy yet so unbelievably sad.

My feet entagled themselves with another and my toes lightly swept the ground. My head laid resting in my arms and a small part of my cheek, against the cold desk.

I had gotten to school earlier than usual, perhaps I just haven't been enjoying sleep lately.

I got here before..him...which was practically unheard of.

I heard the door slide open and the silent steps of the boy which suddenly stopped, he was most likely surprised someone was here this early, or maybe just surprised that it was me.

My headphones were shoved as far down my ears as possible, hoping maybe he wouldn't talk to me if he noticed.

I didn't move as he unpacked next to me, my head turned away from his desk.

It was getting warmer these days and the birds began to come out earlier and more often.

*tap*

I felt a finger against my shoulder.

I rolled my head towards the boy, resting it on my opposite arm than before.

My eyes widened and my face went hot.

Just a few centimeters away was the boy I loved.

His head laid on his arm just like mine, and his face was towards mine.

He had a smile on.

"hi Noel, it's pretty out today huh?" his eyes crinkled up along with the corners of his mouth.

I turned my head back over, "yeah" I pressed a finger to my face feeling the warmth emitting from my cheeks.

I hadn't heard his head turn or move so I knew he was still right behind me, staring at the back of my head.

I turned up my music, I didn't know if it could go any louder than I had already put it.

It was really pretty out today, it had been a month and a half since my last viewing of Taehyung and his girlfriend. It was a little comical to me how much Taehyung and I's personalities had exchanged with one another since then.

More and more everyday, I would keep to myself, I recognized that no one actually knew me, or wanted to know me, so why let them into my life, I'm my own best company anyway. Taehyung I guess had been holding onto the whispers of a friendship we had shared earlier in the year, attempting to talk to me as much as the Kim Taehyung found appropriate, which for nay normal person, would be very little.

I felt a little guilty from time to time, it wasn't his fault that he was happy and in love, he was just doing what made him feel good, it wasn't his fault that every time I thought of or saw him, my heart would break slightly and my insides would feel as though a heavy weight was thrown into the pits of my stomach.

That was my fault, but still, I couldn't bring myself to be friends with him.

I had mistaken his selective friendliness towards me as a sign of interest, and I hurt myself doing so.

"That's all for today guys, thanks for staying after, it really helped me out" my teacher smiled towards the few left in the classroom, it wasn't because I wanted the extra credit, though I probably needed it, I just hadn't been a big fan of going home right away, for some reason it felt more lonely there than at school, even if I was alone at either place.

I would find anything that would give me an excuse to not go home, and if there wasn't anything at school, I would just walk around town until it got dark.

"You staying tomorrow too" Taehyung leaned on my desk as I transferred my books from my desk to my bag.

"Probably" I kept my eyes on the task at hand.

I hadn't even realized he had stayed, I wouldn't have stayed after school if I had known he did.

"Do you wanna walk home together, we live the same way" he threw his bag over his shoulder.

"I have to do some things around town" I put the last of my things in my bag and began walking towards the door.

"That sounds fun, I'll come along" He followed after me.

I sighed continuing with the boy trailing behind me.

"So what do you have to do" He spoke, his body swaying on the train.

"Nothing really, I just don't feel like going home yet" I sat with the boy in front of me, looking down at my shrunken figure, his face had little to no expression on it, if anything, he looked a little annoyed.

"Well, what do you want to do?" He attempted to start conversation.

"I don't know" I said bluntly

"You could be a little nicer" I heard the boy mumble under his breath slightly hurt, slightly annoyed.

"I didn't ask you to come with me" I retorted

I had looked up at him and we both caught each others eye, he looked angry and I looked annoyed.

"When did you get so mean?", "When did you get so sensitive?", "When you started getting mean" he replied, "well, than I started getting mean when you started getting sensitive" I crossed my arms and looked away, I heard him breath in to say something, but was followed by silence.

The next few minutes were filled with the sounds of the train moving quickly along the tracks, the late afternoon sun strolling in and out of the train car.

"Your hair is messy" I heard the quiet whisper of the honey suckle voice

The silence continued until I felt a warm hand graze my forehead and push my hair away from my eyes. I looked up, connecting eyes with the boy in front of me. Neither of us looked away, and his hand stayed resting behind my ear, where he tucked the stray hair.

My face went hot and undoubtedly was red, my body continued to heat up and my heart couldn't stop pounding, faster and faster and faster, I was beyond flustered, why couldn't my heart stop pounding!?

"Y-you shouldn't do that to other girls when you have a girlfriend, I-it'll give people the wrong idea!!!" I blurted out loudly as I quickly rustled the hair that Taehyung had just moved back in front of my watery eyes and pushed his hand away from my face.

I heard him straighten up in front of me, his hand clenching the railing above his head even tighter than before.

"How did you know?" He asked, his voice was low and gravely, a quiet whisper.

I couldn't let him know I had seen them at his house, that would've been too odd, "A-at the supermarket...she is your girlfriend, isn't she?" I let out quietly my head down and my body caving in on itself as my arms tightened around my schoolbag.

I was hoping maybe by some miracle I had gotten everything wrong and that this was some crazy coincidence.

"Yeah, she is" he let out faintly

Hearing him say it somehow made everything worse. I had known he was with her, but having him confirm it made it real. When I was the only one who knew I could ignore it, because he ignored it, but now that it was out... it was real.

"When we get to the station I'm just going to take the next train home" my voice was soft and defeated.

"Okay"