My One True Love: Book 1

20 days before

*Bellamy

     Clarke hasn't come to school in a week well a school week. I've visited her everyday since jasper.

I've secretly check her bare wrists for any fresh scars. None. She hasn't brought it up at all so I've kept quiet.

I think she might have caught me staring at them the other day.

I wish I could go back In time to stop her before she started down this road of misery. I just love her to much to see her hurt.

I was on my way to see Clarke when I saw an ambulance speeding out of her driveway.

I do an illegal u turn and chase after it. What did she do while I was gone! No no maybe it was an accident.

When I get there I watch as clarkes mom gets out of the back followed by 2 EMT's pulling out a gurny. Clarke was lying on it.

A huge bandage wrapped around her forearm, blood was soaking through.

Shit shit shit! I shouldn't have gone to school today! I should have stayed with her! Why didnt she call me! Goddamnit clarke!

I was rushing in after them when clarkes mom stopped me. "I cant let you see her like this.." she tells me calmly.

She has this odd look in her eyes telling me that this has happend before.

She sighs "since it's not her first attempt shes going to be emitted into the sike wards suicide watch for 10 days.." she put her hand on my shoulder giving me a weak smile.

"You can see her then.. god she was doing so good with you. I think she might blame herself for jasper. God I have to go your a good kid bellamy." She says before walking off.

Not her first time? How many times has this happend? I walk slowly back to my car.

I sit there before hitting my steering wheel a bunch cursing at nothing.

10 days! How the hell am I going to not be able to see her for 10 days! I couldn't get the image of her lying helplessly on the gurny.

Fuck! I should have stayed with her!

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*Clarke

   I wake up in a white room that I've been in before. I close my eyes remembering what I did.

I was so ready to die, I didnt have time to think about my mom or bellamy. God I can only imagine how my mother feels right now.

I called her right before I passed out due to blood loss. She must've been freaking out. I know that I'm not going to be able to see anyone but a doctor or my mom for the next 10 days.

I should've thought about my mom, or bellamy, even monty. I couldn't be the cause of him losing 2 friends.

There was a thick silence that was suffocating. I sit up only to find out I'm strapped to the bed.

"Doctor! Let me out!" I yell attempting to sit up again. It takes but a moment for the doctor to come rushing in.

"Clarke you need to calm down." He says putting a hand on my arm.

"Wheres my mom!?" I ask shaking my head fighting back tears.

"Get her in here!" I shout. My mom rushes in instantly. Shes brushing hair out of my face, a few tears fall from her eyes.

"Mommy.. I'm so sorry.." I say in between sobs. "I know.. honey I know." She says shushing me.

"Its just been so hard.. I wasn't thinking.." I say shaking my head some more. My mother looks up at the doctor.

"Weve recently lost her dad, her best friend also killed himself last  week.." she whispers quietly.

"She blames herself.." the doctor says nodding knowingly. I nod my head up at them.

"Its my fault! It's all my fault! Dad wouldnt have been driving in the rain if it wasn't for me! If I just paid more attention to jasper! I would have noticed! I could've helped!" I'm shouting now without realizing it.

I cant stop trembling. It's so cold.. I close my eyes unknowingly passing out again.

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*Abby

    The doctor walks me out of the room with a hand on my back. "Mrs. Griffin will you elaborate more on clarkes situation. I need a better grasp on what shes going through." The doctor states.

I sigh "clarke was on a summer camping trip with her school. Juniors only. There was this boy. He said some awful things to her. She wanted to come home early. Jake.. her dad insisted on being the one to pick her up. It was raining. There was an accident.." I tell him wrapping my arms around my waist, as if I'm trying to physically hold my self together.

I take a deep breath and continue, "clarke believes that If she would have just sucked it up and stayed her dad never would have... As for Jasper. Hes been her friend since childhood. He never had a particularly great home life. His parents were on a business trip. There lawyers. He was by himself when it happend. He hung himself with his belt. The found him the next morning.." I finish.

I know what they went through. Finding clarke on the bathroom floor.. my world stopped.

I couldn't breath until I realized she wasn't. I attempted mouth to mouth before the EMT's got there. I shake the image out of my mind. I glance through the window at clarke.

That girl is my life.. "-were going to need to prescribe her new depression medication, maybe put her on some anxiety meds. We wont know until we talk to her." I hear the doctor say. I'm absently nodding still staring at clarke.

"Can i..? " I ask gesturing towards the door. He gives me a sad nod. I walk in shutting the door behind me, to give me some alone time with my baby. How could I have not seen how sad shes been?

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*Octavia

     When Bellamy got home I captured him within my arms. I saw the ambulance, I watched them wheel clarke out.

"Is she ok? What happend? Did she..?" I ask him frantically, desperate to know the answers.

He just sits on the couch and puts his head in his hands. I cant figure out if hes crying or not.

"Bell.." I whisper sitting beside him. "She tried to kill herself.." he whispered choaking back a sob.

"I saw her O..." I pulled him into  another hug. I was crying too, I never thought that Clarke would do such a thing...

"why..?" I ask him softly not really expecting a answer. "I dont know.." he said pulling away looking at the ceiling.

His hands were clasped between his legs and he was now leaning on his elbows. I rubbed his back gently.

"I s-shouldn't have left her.." he said with a hiccup. "No no bell its not your fault!" I say desperately pleading for him to believe me.

"I know you think it's your fault but you couldn't have known.." I'm telling him as he faces me looking me in the eyes.

"If you ever.." he starts sobering up. "No bell I would never leave you!" I say almost angry.

How could he assume something like that? My expression softens when I see him shed more tears. I tsk my tongue pulling him into another hug. "big brother.. I didn't know you could cry." I say laughing softly.

He chuckles lightly. "What am I gonna say to her.. how am I going to face her after this..?" He whispers to himself. I dont have an answer to give him so I sit silently.

"You really love her dont you bell.." I ask him softly. "I do.." he tells me crying some more.

"I know.. I know." I tell him rubbing his back some more.

AN: SORRY FOR SUCH AN EMOTIONAL CHAPTER. I WAS CRYING JUST WRITING IT. LET ME KNOW HOW IM DOING AND FEEL FREE TO LEAVE COMENTS!