PHYSIOLOGICAL-

017.

tyler the creator- a boy is a gun

how come you the best to me? i know you the worst for me

-

the smaller boy had shut his eyes, trying to ignore his struggle to sleep. although the larger man in bed with him did make him feel more safe, he still felt as if something could happen at any second. he was used to a certain amount of adrenaline and now only realized how bad his anxiety was getting.

when he closed his eyes, he saw everything in flashes. he could feel everything that had been done to him. quickly, his eyes shot open and his whole body seized, making a small seizure. he felt adrenaline rush through him and began to get hypersensitive. kairi's eyes quickly scanned the room, looking for any sign of threat. (haha #thishappenstomeeverynightwtfhelpplsliketheseizureandeverything)

he let out a shaky breath and a quite curse. kairi looked over to mattia, passed out. his face was masculine yet peaceful, making kairi calm down. his body untensed slowly as he saw mattia. kairi flipped the sheets off of him and took in a deep breath. he needed fresh air. 

he bit his lip as he softly walked to the sliding glass door that led to a small balcony. when he got outside, although still in a hoodie, he could feel the cold breeze brushing against his skin. kairi began to breathe deeply, resting his arms on the cold metal railing. listening to the pure silence and peacefulness of the city, he breathed easier. 

-

mattia rolled over and reached out his arm, feeling no body next to him. letting out a small groan, he fluttered his eyes open to see the sliding glass door open. he shifted a little, tilting his head to see smoke blowing above the figure on the balcony. 

almost immediately, he registered the smell. he rubbed his eyes and threw the soft sheets off his body. mattia stretched his arms out, walking weakly over to the small figure on the balcony. he decided not to come up behind kairi and snuck up on his side. 

kai was still completely oblivious of his presence, leaning his head down on his arm which dangled over the railing holding a joint. mattia delicately grabbed it out of kairi's hand, making him flinch and gasp. when he realized it was mattia, his face settled. 

"oh, hi."

kai mumbled, closing his now empty hand into a fist and laying his head back down. mattia took a hit, inhaling deeply before speaking through smoke. 

"you know,"

mattia coughed, continuing with his sentence while coughing softly. 

"you can't use weed to solve your problems."

mattia said, ironically as he coughed deeply. once finished with the choking, he snickered and flashed a half smile at kairi. kairi made a little noise to tell mattia he heard him. the tall boy was a little surprised he didn't throw a comment back at him. he sighed, passing the joint back to kairi and bumping his shoulder. 

"go to sleep, buddy."

mattia chuckled, clapping him on his shoulder and feeling kairi's body shake a little. he held his shoulder for a second longer than he figured he was supposed to. after not even contemplating, mattia pressed a small kiss to the side of kairi's neck. 

he walked back into the room, cursing himself softly. 'go to sleep buddy'? what the fuck was that? then the kiss, what the fuck was that?

he sighed, shaking his head at himself before flopping down onto the singular bed. mattia looked over to the nightstand and saw a remote for what the figured was the hotel room television. he clicked the power button and saw the tv light up. he heard perky yet monotone voices talk about politics. flipping through the channels, he heard the same things.

that was until he stopped on a certain show. one of those creepy murder type shows that come up at 3am. he was intrigued, listening to the way the killer had disposed of the body. similar to himself. 

except, no.

he didn't kill alejandro. that wouldn't make any logical sense if he still called kairi. 

"dumped the victims body in a tub, leaving it to rot."

the television spoke to him.

"blunt force trauma,"

to mattia. 

"an eager attempt was made to cover up,"

the deep voice on the tv spoke, making mattia mesmerize at the screen. 

"no motive, truly evil."

that would've been the difference if he had killed him. he wasn't evil. he didn't actually do it. but the way it felt so vivid, he had no idea anymore. the tv continued speaking as mattia reached his hands up to plug his ears. he flipped the channel to a more happy station. 

he wasn't a murderer. 

he wasn't evil. 

snapping him out of his deep thinking, kairi. the small boy walked into the room, flopping down on the bed next to him. 

"were you just watching x files? i love that-"

kairi began, angelic voice filling the room before mattia shot up from the bed and began to put on his shoes. 

"store. target, gotta get stuff."

mattia said quickly, leaving kairi sitting in the room alone. his mind was racing and he needed to get out of the cramped room. he stormed down the hallway, panting as resisting the urge to scream. 

-

wassuh, i havent updated in a while. but yea, hope yall enjoyedl