Delicate

Chapter 45

"Y-Yeah," I manage before I clear my throat and try again. "I understand, it's unfair to your pack."

"But I can't go without at least talking to you alone one time," He carries on sadly. "I didn't get to talk to you when everything happened, but I want to try and explain now."

Levi stops to look at me so I nod, not knowing what else to do beyond that.

It scared me, terrified me to know that I'd have to listen to things I didn't think I was ready to hear but it'd be selfish to stop him. He had to go home, to his mate and pack, and I knew Levi well enough to know he wouldn't do that without talking to me at least once.

"I don't want to make excuses for not telling you," Levi continues with clear frustration, "It was a shit position to be in, but I shouldn't have lied at the very least. I'm really and truly sorry about that Damon, we've never lied to each other for things like this and I shouldn't have lied then. I know it'll take time to fix this, but I just want you to know why I did that at that moment."

I nod and Levi takes in a deep breath, filling his lungs with oxygen as if to use them as stand-in armour, and begins.

"Po told me a few months before," He starts gently but his tone didn't soften the impact as my heart withers away and I stumble slightly in my step. Levi glances at me, but I keep my eyes to the floor. "I-It was right before I told him about Jayson being my mate and what he was to me, the same day actually. He told me he didn't think you were ready for it."

My healing wounds scream their pain as the thin scabs that were only just forming over them peel off with Levi's words. An ache starts throughout my body, quiet in some areas but louder in others, rough to the touch as it scraps its way over my nerves and veins, reminding me of all the pain I'd desperately tried covered up.

It all hurt again as if it was just yesterday I was standing before my parents' judgemental, disappointed eyes. As if it were only moments ago that I'd looked up at my dad and caught the way his face fell and tears escaped his eyes when I asked him if Levi knew as well.

Levi had known. For months he'd known, watched me carry on for months, started his pack knowing and put it to bed as if it would not hurt so fucking much for me.

The anger came back but the sadness was stronger and all I could do was keep putting one foot in front of the other, trying to carry myself forward while all I felt like I was doing was falling.

"The moment he told me I said that he was wrong, that you were ready," Levi carries on, testifying his case to a crumbling court. "And I really did think you were ready, s-still do actually... but then he told me about a hunting trip the two of you took to find some rogues around the pack and h-he said that... t-that there were children amongst other older ones and that you wanted to kill them all."

My feet come to a standstill just as my heartache dissipates to make room for the overwhelming rage that immediately comes bubbling to the surfaces.

"H-He said they weren't feral and that you still wanted to kill them. And fuck Damon tha-"

"Wait, one fucking minute," I grind out through clenched teeth, my knuckles turning white around the leash as I fist it tightly. "He said that because I wanted to kill rogues, like we were fucking taught to do, that that meant I wasn't ready to be alpha."

"It wasn't only that Damon," Levi defends quickly as he looks me straight in my eyes. I don't even bother trying to reign in my anger as I stare right back at him. "There were other things, but that was what I think made it certain for him."

"And you just let that be that?" I say in a sneer, taking a step forward that immediately makes him step back. 

The action doesn't escape me nor does the way Levi's eyes harbour regret when he realises what he'd done, but the whip has already struck its wicked coils to my skin, the pain adding itself to the rest.