Hiatus | Jjk ff

H35

JEON JUNGKOOK'S POINT OF VIEW

"Noona, can I wear some specs too?" I asked after looking at the mirror in front of me, the lights were all set up to beam at me and I saw the light make up our make up artist had put on my face.

"Yes, Jungkook-ah. Are you okay with your choker?" Our make up artist said as she put down her brushes.

I reached for my specs, "If I am not then isn't it doing it's job? You know... choking me since it is a choker?" I asked as I put the specs on.

My pink highlights on my brown hair matched my pink button up long sleeves with a white shirt under. For the fanmeet today, we decided to go for the soft look. Like the ones we wear when we perform Spring Day.

"Jungkook's shining with his outfit today." Hoseok-hyung's voice boomed inside the dressing room. His eyes were shaped like a rainbow while his upper teeth were shown with his big smile.

I smiled back at him. Then I thought of her. The writer in wattpad. The one who wrote fanfictions of me and Tae Hyung. The one who I bullied.

It was really insensitive of me to do that but I just wanted her to stop writing sexual scenes of me and Tae Hyung. I feel violated, harrassed and it makes me so uncomfortable to the point where I cant even look at Tae Hyung. Her works just kept on messing with my mind.

But though I had bashed her book, I cannot deny the fact that she was a good writer. She knows her thing and I hope she knows she's good at it. And I regretted bullying her through her works because I realized that I was killing her dreams when she brought mine to life. And that's my mission for today, to find her, tell her that I'm sorry and that she's a very talented writer.

I want to inspire her to write once more.

"I'm excited to meet ARMYs today! I missed them so much." Tae Hyung squealed at the corner of the room while our stylist adjust his pants. He wore a green striped long sleeves that made his light brown hair pop more.

"Remember to give them love and treat them nicely. Taehyung, don't tease them too much, okay? You know how they get shy everytime you do that." Namjoon-hyung had reminded us.

"Should I act like their boyfriend then?" Tae Hyung became more serious, he let his chest out to act more manly that only made Jimin laugh.

"Time to go. Remember to smile. Don't let them see how tired you are. This is our fans, the reason why we are here now." Namjoon said before we went in the venue.

Flashes of cameras blinded us as we approached the lined up tables and chairs for us. I saw our ARMYs seated across our table, they had their phone out and was screaming our names.

I smiled at them. Everytime I come face to face with ARMYs, I always feel overwhelmed. I always try to do my best to not disappoint and fail them. I want them to be proud of me, I want them to stay with us longer than they could.

I guess this is what all of us, idols, fear. We were afraid of being abandoned by our own fans. Sure, being disliked by others hurt because you want to please them but being left by your own fans hurt more than a murder.

We proceeded with our events. Namjoon hyung lead it smoothly, we performed Spring Day and promoted it. We also told stories about the time when we were still writing our You Never Walk Alone album. Then the fans lined up to talk to us.

I was seated at the last chair so all of our fans had to talk with the other before the reach me, that means I'll be the one that will entertain the ARMYs who's still seated.

I brought the mic to my lips, "Yeorobun, I know all of you knows that I'm reading fanfictions of me. Who here writes one?" I asked as my eyes wander through the crowd.

Some of the fans were shy but they still raise their hands. There, I tried to remember all of their faces. She must be one of them. Now, all I need to do is to say something that will trigger her so I'll know who she is.

"I'll see you soon!" I told my fan before the staff made her go back to seat after her time finished.

I look up at the next fan and smiled at her. I know how they loved my boyish smile everytime I show it. I also know that it melts their heart everytime I do it. They wouldn't see much activity on our twitter but I have read a lot of tweet from them. It was good hearing feedbacks from them. It fuels me.

"You're one of those who writes fan fictions of me, right?" I asked her while I sign her album.

"Yes. I have written a lot of books about you. You are my bias!" She said enthusiastically.

I smiled at her as I give back the album, now with my autograph. "Really? I hope you have a lot of reads. I'm international playboy by the way." I said and watched her reaction.

I thought what I said would ring a bell but she only laughed. "I know. You are our international playboy who's also scared of girls!" She said.

I sighed, she had the same reaction as others when I told them my username in wattpad. I haven't found her and there's only a few left for me to meet. All of our fans are almost back on their seats now.

I had let my eyes wander again at the crowd, problematic of how will I identify her. If only I had known her name, I would've asked the fans already.

I started tapping the sharpie on the table as I wait for the next fan. I've figured I'll just tell my username immediately to catch her but when the next one came, she immediately talked.

"Would you get mad if I write a book about you and the other member? Like bts ship book?" She asked, her cheeks burning, showing the pink undertones.

I gulped, taken aback from her question. Is this her? Is this TheRealMrsJeon? Her eyes were staring at me wide, waiting for my answer. She was a girl full of wonder based on what I can see on her eyes.

"N-no." I blinked as I try to memorize her feature. I would like to remember her so I can recognize her the next time we meet.

"I knew it!" She beamed. Her teeth showing as her face glowed with happiness.

She handed me the album and I signed it, taking glances at her as I did so. She was then busy watching my hand do the weird curves to achieve my autograph.

"You write books?" I tried fishing for a conversation.

"Yes, I have been writing since I became your fan." She answered.

I handed back the album and looked at her face. I looked at her like there was no one but us in this room. I wanted to focus only on her because I think... I think she is the one I'm looking for.

"Do you love writing?"

"It's my dream. It's my passion. I hope I can make it one day and show it to you." She said, clasping her hands. I knew I should hold it like what I usually do, but watching her talking about her dream is just so pulling and all I wanted to do is to listen to her.

"I'll wait for that. I hope you write a lot of book about me. I hope you find that passion again." I replied back, smiling at her.

"I'm Internation-"

"Your time is up. Please proceed to your designated seat." Our staff had interrupted me and stood by my side.

I watched the smile on her face fade as she look up our staff but when her eyes looked back at me again, she had the brightest smile back on her face. She politely stood up and waved her hand at me, clutching the album with her other hand.

And I couldn't wave back or even smile at her. In my eyes, she was moving in slow motion. In my eyes, she was slowly getting away from me.

And I have tried memorizing her face. I have tried etching the lines of her face in my mind to remember her. I have tried to keep her in my memories as I ask myself, did I inspire her enough?