Swords and Staffs

20. Apologies and Opportunities

Arlene:

I woke up in the corner of the living area. I sat there confused as to why I had slept on the floor all night when there was a perfectly comfortable bed available. I obviously had fallen asleep whilst cuddling Blue. He was curled up in my lap still, snoring slightly. I gently lifted the sleepy puppy from my legs and carefully placed him down onto the rug.

"You and Alistair would have made the best of friends already..." I mumbled to myself.

Last night I dreamt about him. Threading the ring onto my finger and saying his last goodbyes. I had to visit him. I hadn't visited his grave since the memorial. I was too afraid to go, however, I needed to get some things off my chest. I needed to tell him so much. Tell him how much I missed him.

I left Blue asleep on the rug and set off to the graveyard to pay my respects.

As I made my way to the tree, the snowflakes lay cold against my rosy cheeks and some nestled into my scarf.

I finally arrived at the entrance to the hidden bench amongst the trees. Our bench. The place where our lips first touched. Where we became engaged.

I observed the ring on my finger. "Absolutely stunning," I said, rotating my hand from left to right, making sure to admire every inch on the piece of jewellery.

Just a little further and there it was. The tree in the calming sanctuary we had called our own. It was a small garden that was surrounded by bare, crooked trees painted in snow and ice. A sheet of thick snow carpeted the forest floor and crushed the remainder of autumn's victims. It possessed a deserved silence for those who mourn.

I entered through the thread-like branches that fought back at me when I nudged them and walked down the path that led to the tombstone. I swiped the remaining branches of the trees away to discover that someone was already there. A peculiar woman, with long blond hair...wait! I remembered that long blond hair from somewhere! It was Juliana! The girl who wrote me the letter and spent the week before our wedding with him.

"Juliana?" I questioned, wondering why she was here. Was it to confront me about what I did to her? What I had called her? What I had said to him? I didn't understand. Although I was about to find out.

"Yes?" she answered, turning around in her crouched position by the snow. She seemed surprised to see me.

"Oh, I didn't expect to see you here," she admitted, rising from the ground to look me directly in the eye. I stood there uncomfortably, trying to think of some way to break the awkward silence and make conversation before things started getting too weird.

"I can say the same for you, we haven't properly met, I'm Arlene," I stuttered, holding my hand out for her to shake. She ignored my gesture so I awkwardly put my arm down to my side.

I felt instant remorse, remembering all the things I said to her. Each and every single name that I called her came flooding back into memory. That's how I knew that this conversation was going to be terrible.

"Do you expect me not to visit my best friend's grave that I hadn't known about for months. Now that would be harsh wouldn't it?" she hissed, looking exceedingly annoyed.

"I...I didn't realise that you and Alistair were such good friends." She continued to glare at me.

"Yes, we were," she mumbled. Juliana turned around and knelt down again next to the gravestone. She lifted her arm and gently placed her hand on the curved top of the engraved rock, resting her arm along with it. Her other hand lay in the dip of her dress where the curve of her legs began. Her head was tilted downwards slightly, fixed on the chiselled text of the gravestones surface. She remained in the same position for a while.