Vulnerable (Book One) Complete!

chapter nine

Jensen

     Today was the day I hated, the day I loathed every year. I laid in my bed, staring at my ceiling, trying to count my breaths before the overwhelming feeling of sorrow swallowed me whole.

     "J?" I looked up, noticing Reese standing in my doorway, sniffling. I opened my arms out to her as she crashed into me, sobs raking through her chest. I held her tightly, stroking her hair. I laid my cheek on the top of her head, trying to hold back my own tears.

     "She'd be so proud of you Reese." I whispered, unsure if she'd heard me. She pulled away, wiping her eyes and nodding. I wished more than anything that Reese didn't have to go through this pain too.

     "Dad said he's coming soon. I better get ready." She shrugged, walking back to her room. I got up, throwing on her old black band shirt and some leggings. I put on my black air force ones to complete the outfit. I tried throwing my hair up, knowing I'd want it out of my face today but the cast still prevented me from it.

     "Let me help." Reese was in my bathroom now. She wore a black t-shirt dress and birkenstock's. Her hair was down and pin straight, reaching her shoulders. She didn't bother with make up, knowing it'd just come off anyways. I sat on the toilet seat, facing the wall as she threw my hair up into a messy bun.

     There was a knock at the door, Reese sighing as she went to get it. I pulled a few strands out to frame my face before bending over the sink and rinsing my skin. I wiped my face on my towel, walking out to the living room.

     My dad and Reese sat at the table, sipping on some coffee. The space around both of their eyes were red and swollen. I hadn't cried yet today. I needed to stay strong for the both of them. Dad gave me a sad smile as I walked in.

     "Ready to go kiddo?" I nodded, looking to Reese. She gave me a half smile. We all walked out the door, no one saying a word. We took the bus down to the cemetery, the silence almost becoming unbearable at this point.

     We walked out to the plot, just standing there staring at it. My dad was in the middle of Reese and I, holding us both in his arms. Dad and Reese broke down, all of us hugging each other, holding each other up so we didn't fall. I gulped, pushing my tears away.

     "She'd be so proud of both of you girls." My dad spoke, his voice cracking. We stood there for a long while, everyone saying their own thoughts to her in their heads. I wished more than anything she was still here.

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     We spent the rest of our time going to breakfast and all of her favorite places, as we've always done on this day for the past three years. My dad and Reese parted ways with me later in the evening to watch old family videos. I couldn't watch them, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't. And they both understood that. So instead, I took myself to the only place that truly made sense: the bar.

     The bar was always closed today. We didn't bother opening it and we got no complaints. I unlocked the door, leaving the outside lights off in case anyone wandered by and thought we were open. I made my way behind the bar, pouring myself a Malibu and pineapple. I leaned over the bar, sipping on it. It was her favorite drink too.

     I turned on the jukebox, playing Pink's "Who Knew." I belted out the lyrics as I felt the tears running down my cheeks. I kept it playing on repeat, pouring myself drink after drink until I couldn't feel the hurt anymore and everything seemed fuzzy. I sat on the floor behind the bar, the tears now just flooding down my cheeks.

     "Jensen?" I hadn't heard the door chime. I tried to stand up but my balance was off and I fell back to the floor with a thud, laughing. I heard him walking towards me, a look of confusion and concern on his face.

     "We're closed Harry, get out." I slurred, lifting my drink at him and rolling my eyes. He bent down beside me, taking in my vulnerability.

     "What are you doing love? Why are you crying? What happened?" It was so many questions all at once and loud because he was shouting over the music. I put my casted hand over my ear before searching for my phone to pause the music. Harry grabbed it from the floor, doing it for me.

     "I'm fine and we're closed." I hiccuped, leaning my head against the cooler behind me. Harry sat beside me now, stretching his long legs out beside mine. I looked him up and down. He wore black dress pants and a sequined button up shirt. "What are you wearing?"

     "Jensen, what is going on?" I shook my head at his question, new tears rolling down my cheeks. I used my good hand to wipe them away.

     "She's gone Harry! Three years now! He took her away from us! And for what?" I stood now, wobbling a bit and using the cooler to steady myself. I screamed up at the ceiling. "WHY HER? WHY NOT ME? SHE DIDN'T DESERVE TO GO!"

     I fell to my knees, the sobs finally coming through. Harry wrapped his arms around me and I was either too drunk or too sad to care. I sobbed into his chest, a horrible sound coming from my lips as I screamed in between them. I held on to Harry like I'd break if I didn't. He held me, rubbing small circles on my back, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

     Once I'd calmed down, once the sobs slowed, I felt nothing but exhaustion. I couldn't go home like this, I couldn't let Reese see me drunk or broken up. I'd just have to stay here.

     "I can't go home." Was all I could muster up. Harry didn't say anything as he picked me up, almost cradling me in his arms. If I were in my right mind I would have protested, I would have fought him, but not today.

     Harry carried me to his car, setting me gently in the back seat, buckling me in. I curled up into a ball on the cool leather, shivering. He threw a blanket over me before getting in the front seat and driving off. The last words I remember hearing was Harry telling me that he'd let Reese know I was safe before everything turned black.

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Okay I'm really enjoying writing this for you guys.